Chapter 24: Joke Factory, Here I come

There was a murmur in the college that it’s time when numerous IT companies will enter the college campus and will hire lots of us. I was thrilled but I was also worried concerning my solitary failed outcome in the lab exam might avert me of getting into any profession because almost all companies have criterion of overall 60% above marks scored without any failure.

The same was recited by our placement officer too; after listening to which I was slightly discouraged because I needed to bank this opportunity if I wanted to get married. Well I did not give up and made up my mind that if this is what written in my fate then so be it. I braced myself for off-campus which might start for most of us after the conclusion of the college.

But then there was this fresh update all over the college; people must not have any standing failed paper, if you have passed your botched subject then you are good to go ,

Niceeeeeee

I was back in pursuit again because I failed in 5^th semester and appeared for the re-exam in 6^th semester; results were out last week online and I not only scored excellent grades in the current semester but also performed terrifically in the re-exam,

I was all geared up because for me this was my only chance where I had to prove myself and lots of other people that I am not kidding

The first round written test was conducted in a different college. At around 12:30 pm, we were given the 1^st round question papers which incorporated NO –ve marking. The paper consists of 60 questions and before attempting any of them I just memorized 2 rudiments,

1. Don’t attempt all the questions even if there is no negative marking

2. Try harder/time consuming questions first when there is not negative marking because these questions hold higher value.

I precisely chased these 2 set of laws and attempted mere 35 questions out of 60 which included each protracted question. When I came out people were happy that the test did not have any negative marking and hence each person responded to all 60 questions without fail. I felt that I have screwed all my odds of getting my destiny to relish the painless path. The results were to be declared at around 4:30 but I was standing like a fool who screwed up again because I thought I was over smart.

“Come on lets go, I know I will not get through the written test”, I told Deeps

“No let’s wait for the results”, she insisted on staying back, she still had hope.

I tried 5-6 more time to sway her to go back but she was immovable. I wanted to go back because I did not want anyone’s pity if my name was not declared but I guess I had to bow down in front of Deep’s wish.

Placement officer informed that as many as 64 people have been chosen out of 130 people who appeared in the written test, by now I was definite that I am not in the listings. Placement officer started reading out names from the list of 64 fortunate people and as expected my name was nowhere to be there and the list was almost at its climax but then towards the very end; among last 3-4 names; something sounded very familiar, “Anky”,

yes yes yes

“See I told you that you will be picked”, Deeps was cheered up

Now it was time for me to outdo the next obstacle which was “The Interview”, we were given 3 days to get ready. The day arrived pretty soon and we yet again had to go to a different college. After waiting for round about 5-6 hrs it was our college’s student’s turn to show in front of the interviewers. I was number 8 to go in for the first round; there were 3 interviewers who were conducting for us, one lady and 2 males. The guys were cool but the lady had already interviewed 3 guys from our college and discarded them at once and I was her next victim,

“Tell me about you”, she asked a very regular 1^st interview question

I spoke for 5-10 minutes until she said stop and asked,

“Do you know C++”, she asked

“Yes”

“How much would you rate yourself in C++ on scale of 1-10 ?”

“10”, I replied within a nano-second and without even blinking my eyes, I was excellent at C++ but again my over smartness crushed my sanity and after the reply I was pretty sure that she will screw me up till I weep.

“So you know all in C++ ?”, she was stunned

“Yes”, I supported my response because the damage was already done

“Ok, why your 10^th marks are less then your 12^th marks which usually is reverse for everyone else ?”

What !!!! She has let me get away for that C++ blunder !!!!

“I never used to study till 10^th standard and after the unpleasant outcome of 10^th standard my parents started thrashing me up and because of that I faired pretty well in 12^th standard”, I replied comically and grinned

The lady evaluator who looked very serious till now also smiled after listening to my account which relived all pressure on me.

“I m done with your interview, please show me all your marks sheets”

I could not believe, I was through with my technical round without even being asked a solitary technical question !!! I gave all my marks cards to her. She inspected all and found a problem,

“You failed one exam and I don’t see any report card which says that you passed it”

“It’s because the results are just out on internet and report cards will take another 3-4 weeks”

“Oh, in that case I cannot give you HR Form”, she smirked

“But I have cleared that assessment”, I responded weakly

She took one HR form and wrote my name on it and kept next to her and said

“This is your HR form, substantiate that you cleared this exam and take the HR form and go”

Now if you can visualize, my circumstances were altogether screwed up. I without wasting anytime went to my placement officer who had carried the photocopies of all the results with him.

“Sir I need 5^th Sem results”, I asked panting

He straightaway started looking into a roll of 10-15 Xeroxed sheets but quickly I and he apprehended that the placement officer was piece of shit of the uppermost kind because since we were in 6^th sem he got only 6^th sem marks !!! It never occurred to that son of a bitch that people might get botched in semesters prior to 6^th sem too !!! Well I never imagined that my day would be like this, I ran and came out of the college and was hunting for a cyber café desperately, so that I can at least get a printout of my purity. I logged into the VTU website and wolla !!! Results were not there any longer !!! Results are available only for 2 weeks and we were already into the third week. At that instant I could visualize myself competing in off-campus with hundreds of people again . But I still hadn’t lost any hope, I conceived a strategy, I went straight to the interviewer who took my interview and I told her that there is no way I can ascertain until tomorrow unless its ok if our placement officer gives your company a written application declaring that this person has cleared all his exams and can be handed over his HR form !!!

Well my luck finally clunked and she said “OK”.

I was again galloping across the hallway and in 5 minutes I was filling out the HR form.

It was already 9 pm when people started getting calls for HR discussions and beginning to come out inside 2 minutes !!

That’s weird, because till today what I have heard is that HR rounds are lengthiest !!

“Anky !!”, a lady yelled

I upstretched my hand,

This is it

I was directed to a HR who just looked to be a young teenager who has just come of her college. She asked me to be seated and asked me to speak something about me. I over again babbled the pre-set speech for the 2^nd time which she asked me to rest after 3-4 minutes,

“What is you strength ?” she asked with a grave look

“Confidence”, I replied confidently

“What is your weakest point ?”, she threw another delicate question on my face

“Over-confidence”, I retorted without blinking my eyes

After eavesdropping to my reply her face went foulest and she asked me to enlighten and I described that I know C++ splendidly and I am swollen with pride of it and in technical round I rated myself 10 when asked, that was the overconfidence but I was fortunate to get away with that.

May be it was my “Confidence” which she liked because HR absolutely bought it.

“Ok, Let’s have a discussion about IT industry”, she asked me

WTF !!!

What is IT industry ?? How the hell a 6^th semester college undergraduate will have any idea about IT business !! College students don’t even know their syllabus correctly, how are they supposed to know that. But according to my exploration on interviews; interviewer is not at all times looking for a truthful response, they are looking for the composure and buoyancy and you should certainly not think a lot to act in response to their question.

So I went forward right away, “We know that IT industry is creating a revolution around the globe today and Joke Factory is one of that companies which known to be the finest”

HR’s face went from disgust to hatred which I duly noted and determined not to discontinue and carry on because if I stop at this moment and allowed her to speak then I am a dead man. So I was nonstop talking about Joke Factory, I boasted each award Joke Factory has ever won and each recognition they have ever got, I knew all this because that was an vital part of the preparation, to be acquainted with your company !!! I did not stop until she asked me to and asked me if I am prepared to move to Chennai or Hyderabad ?

“No”, I said

“What !!! Are you not ready to work in Bangalore ?”, she snubbed

“Yes I am !!!”, I replied in astonishment because that’s not what I heard

“Are you positive that you are in your senses ??”, she nearly affronted me

“Sorry ma’am, I would like to join in Bangalore only”, I tried to refurbish the damage

“Ok Go”, she asked me to leave

I was disconsolate because final few seconds appeared to be a yet another blunder and in some way I may have upset her. I met Ghosh who also had a similar coincidence and was in grief. We both were extremely confident that we will not get through but on the other hand Guabha, Chaubey and Bhatti were making merry that they will get picked for sure.

It was result moment, they started announcing the name of the selected aspirants, and they began with,

“Anky”

“Ghosh”

We could not believe our ears and some others also could not, we were the people who were least positive on our performances and we were the foremost people to get picked !!! It was just beyond explanation, it was magical. Only 24 out of 64 were singled out and I was among those 24 and none of Guabha, Chaubey and Bhatti was chosen.

I without more ado called my parents and informed them about the excellent news and they highly praised my accomplishment. Then I called Deeps,

I said, “Hello”

She said, “Congrats”

How the hell she gets all news beforehand !!!

Chapter 22: I flunked

 

I was down in the dumps; I was lost and was wrecked within. I wasn’t alive nor was I dead but there was something which did not allow me to fix the situation, the faith. She wasn’t ready to listen to me but she chose to trust someone over me who was a complete stranger. I just wanted to get sloshed but being a student you don’t get luxury to get wasted on break-ups. So in pain I went to have tea at Vidhyarthi Bakery. The bakery where the enchantments of Tea and butter bun will overpower your will and freedom. The place where I discovered the most innovative burger, “Deem Butter Bun”, a bun heavily dosed with butter with 2 half pieces of boiled egg squeezed in the middle; I just have three words to portray it,

Amazing Amazing and Amazing

I was miserable and when you are disheartened you must do the thing you like the most, I eat. So you can distinguish how sad I was lately . But let me tell you a thing very undoubtedly that if you know Deeps then you would know that it’s impracticable to rupture relations with her; in fact it’s impossible unless she does not want to stay in relation with you; in that case you will never even realize that you are no longer Deep’s friend

It was about 30 minutes into our first break-up and out of the blue my phone rang. The phone was flashing “Deeps”, I was infuriated and anxious so I just answered the call,

“Hello”

“Hi”, she spoke

“What is it ?”, I acted as if I am in rush and not interested for a conversation

“What are you doing”, she asked in a pale tone

“Please come to the point”, I was already annoyed

“Nothing I just wanted to have a chat in general”, she said

“What !!! We just broke up half an hour before and you are behaving as if nothing has ever happened !! I nearly screamed

“No no that’s different and this is different”, she tried explaining

As soon as I heard that my brain stopped working and there was blood in my eyes, I was unable to speak, the only thing I could do was to hang up.

She tried calling me a zillion times but I did not answer. I wanted her to know that this relation can workout only if it has 2 way communication, there is no and there can never be 1 way. She then called out to NM who later came and discussed it with me. I still did not talk to her and wanted this condition to get matured in her head. Evening I called her up and asked what is that she wants and things were back on track like usual.

*************

It was a lab exam, the final lab exam. Situation was nervous, I was unruffled and Deeps was routinely panicked and petrified. In every examination we both used to be exact opposites but I guess my cool and her panic always worked out for each other. We went in and waited for the further directions. The procedure was straightforward, you go in and choose your destiny, pick up a chit from a stack of chits and that will determine your try out of the day. And I don’t know why Deeps always argued that I and Apsara always got easiest experiments all through our engineering !!! But I guess this was Deeps luckiest day. She picked up and the instant she opened it she was all cheered up as if some one has gifted her diamond necklace. She looked at me, we exchanged looks of contentment, a look which told us both that we will come out with flying colours. I started with my test, it was quite uncomplicated and easy. I had to connect the wires and had to keep changing parameter ‘A’ and make a note of the resultant parameter ‘B’ and then I had to draw a graph. On the other hand Deeps got the easiest one in which she had to connect wires and show the basic sine wave output in CRO,

The wire connection was a piece of cake, so I was confident that she will get through it before me. But people say that if devil possesses your wits then how much ever simple thing you are aiming at, you will always do the opposite. I was very much confident that I had to vary ‘A’ and assess ‘B’ but I do not know what happened, I told myself, Lets do the reverse, lets Measure ‘B’ and note down ‘A’ and I continued.

After a while the in-house evaluator came in and when she saw what I was doing she was struck with horror, she said you are doing exactly opposite of what you should be doing. As I was possessed by the evil spirit; instead of listening to her, I enlightened her why “what I am doing” is correct !!! She heard me and heard me one more time and left with a Go-To-Hell look. This wasn’t it, now the external assessor came by and he saw my set of connections and said the identical thing which I must tell you that external evaluators NEVER do. But how could I had paid attention because to me both of them were out of their mind,

And they call them teachers …. Huh

I completed my experimentation and I was about to go for the viva (the last step of the entire procedure) and I saw Deeps, under attack by her experiment,

That’s weird!!!

It was time to assist her, it was already 2 hrs up in the assessment and she wasn’t even on track. I adjusted myself next to my setup so that Deeps can see me but examiners can’t. I gestured at her asking what the trouble is. She signaled back saying that she does not know how to attach the CRO chord to the CRO !!!!

What … !!! What … !!! Come again !!!! WTF ….. You are trapped at THAT !!!

Each experiment incorporated CRO so it should have been a sure thing. It was like every time you go to cook food, what do you do foremost, you turn on the burner. She did not know how to turn on the burner. And icing on the cake was her fright. She was about to shed tears when I calmed her down from far by indicating her that I will help her out. It was my Dumb Charades skills that worked out that day and I signaled her entire experiment. According to the examiner she got the most excellent output in that batch. I was reassured and now stepped forward to my viva. Both the evaluators were already pissed with me, they asked me hardly any questions which I replied confidently, both of them asked the last time, if I want to go back and modify what I have written and done, I without any faltering replied a BIG NO. So they asked me to disappear. I came out and the moment I came out I become conscious, as if I was no longer possessed by the demon. I grasped what I did but it was very late. I saw Apsara coming,

“How was your test”, she asked with a smile

“Not bad, I will flunk though”, I replied and walked away with a sarcastic smile on my face for the idiocy I just managed to pull off.

Chapter 22: I flunked

 

I was down in the dumps; I was lost and was wrecked within. I wasn’t alive nor was I dead but there was something which did not allow me to fix the situation, the faith. She wasn’t ready to listen to me but she chose to trust someone over me who was a complete stranger. I just wanted to get sloshed but being a student you don’t get luxury to get wasted on break-ups. So in pain I went to have tea at Vidhyarthi Bakery. The bakery where the enchantments of Tea and butter bun will overpower your will and freedom. The place where I discovered the most innovative burger, “Deem Butter Bun”, a bun heavily dosed with butter with 2 half pieces of boiled egg squeezed in the middle; I just have three words to portray it,

Amazing Amazing and Amazing

I was miserable and when you are disheartened you must do the thing you like the most, I eat. So you can distinguish how sad I was lately . But let me tell you a thing very undoubtedly that if you know Deeps then you would know that it’s impracticable to rupture relations with her; in fact it’s impossible unless she does not want to stay in relation with you; in that case you will never even realize that you are no longer Deep’s friend

It was about 30 minutes into our first break-up and out of the blue my phone rang. The phone was flashing “Deeps”, I was infuriated and anxious so I just answered the call,

“Hello”

“Hi”, she spoke

“What is it ?”, I acted as if I am in rush and not interested for a conversation

“What are you doing”, she asked in a pale tone

“Please come to the point”, I was already annoyed

“Nothing I just wanted to have a chat in general”, she said

“What !!! We just broke up half an hour before and you are behaving as if nothing has ever happened !! I nearly screamed

“No no that’s different and this is different”, she tried explaining

As soon as I heard that my brain stopped working and there was blood in my eyes, I was unable to speak, the only thing I could do was to hang up.

She tried calling me a zillion times but I did not answer. I wanted her to know that this relation can workout only if it has 2 way communication, there is no and there can never be 1 way. She then called out to NM who later came and discussed it with me. I still did not talk to her and wanted this condition to get matured in her head. Evening I called her up and asked what is that she wants and things were back on track like usual.

*************

It was a lab exam, the final lab exam. Situation was nervous, I was unruffled and Deeps was routinely panicked and petrified. In every examination we both used to be exact opposites but I guess my cool and her panic always worked out for each other. We went in and waited for the further directions. The procedure was straightforward, you go in and choose your destiny, pick up a chit from a stack of chits and that will determine your try out of the day. And I don’t know why Deeps always argued that I and Apsara always got easiest experiments all through our engineering !!! But I guess this was Deeps luckiest day. She picked up and the instant she opened it she was all cheered up as if some one has gifted her diamond necklace. She looked at me, we exchanged looks of contentment, a look which told us both that we will come out with flying colours. I started with my test, it was quite uncomplicated and easy. I had to connect the wires and had to keep changing parameter ‘A’ and make a note of the resultant parameter ‘B’ and then I had to draw a graph. On the other hand Deeps got the easiest one in which she had to connect wires and show the basic sine wave output in CRO,

The wire connection was a piece of cake, so I was confident that she will get through it before me. But people say that if devil possesses your wits then how much ever simple thing you are aiming at, you will always do the opposite. I was very much confident that I had to vary ‘A’ and assess ‘B’ but I do not know what happened, I told myself, Lets do the reverse, lets Measure ‘B’ and note down ‘A’ and I continued.

After a while the in-house evaluator came in and when she saw what I was doing she was struck with horror, she said you are doing exactly opposite of what you should be doing. As I was possessed by the evil spirit; instead of listening to her, I enlightened her why “what I am doing” is correct !!! She heard me and heard me one more time and left with a Go-To-Hell look. This wasn’t it, now the external assessor came by and he saw my set of connections and said the identical thing which I must tell you that external evaluators NEVER do. But how could I had paid attention because to me both of them were out of their mind,

And they call them teachers …. Huh

I completed my experimentation and I was about to go for the viva (the last step of the entire procedure) and I saw Deeps, under attack by her experiment,

That’s weird!!!

It was time to assist her, it was already 2 hrs up in the assessment and she wasn’t even on track. I adjusted myself next to my setup so that Deeps can see me but examiners can’t. I gestured at her asking what the trouble is. She signaled back saying that she does not know how to attach the CRO chord to the CRO !!!!

What … !!! What … !!! Come again !!!! WTF ….. You are trapped at THAT !!!

Each experiment incorporated CRO so it should have been a sure thing. It was like every time you go to cook food, what do you do foremost, you turn on the burner. She did not know how to turn on the burner. And icing on the cake was her fright. She was about to shed tears when I calmed her down from far by indicating her that I will help her out. It was my Dumb Charades skills that worked out that day and I signaled her entire experiment. According to the examiner she got the most excellent output in that batch. I was reassured and now stepped forward to my viva. Both the evaluators were already pissed with me, they asked me hardly any questions which I replied confidently, both of them asked the last time, if I want to go back and modify what I have written and done, I without any faltering replied a BIG NO. So they asked me to disappear. I came out and the moment I came out I become conscious, as if I was no longer possessed by the demon. I grasped what I did but it was very late. I saw Apsara coming,

“How was your test”, she asked with a smile

“Not bad, I will flunk though”, I replied and walked away with a sarcastic smile on my face for the idiocy I just managed to pull off.