Chapter 24: Joke Factory, Here I come

There was a murmur in the college that it’s time when numerous IT companies will enter the college campus and will hire lots of us. I was thrilled but I was also worried concerning my solitary failed outcome in the lab exam might avert me of getting into any profession because almost all companies have criterion of overall 60% above marks scored without any failure.

The same was recited by our placement officer too; after listening to which I was slightly discouraged because I needed to bank this opportunity if I wanted to get married. Well I did not give up and made up my mind that if this is what written in my fate then so be it. I braced myself for off-campus which might start for most of us after the conclusion of the college.

But then there was this fresh update all over the college; people must not have any standing failed paper, if you have passed your botched subject then you are good to go ,

Niceeeeeee

I was back in pursuit again because I failed in 5^th semester and appeared for the re-exam in 6^th semester; results were out last week online and I not only scored excellent grades in the current semester but also performed terrifically in the re-exam,

I was all geared up because for me this was my only chance where I had to prove myself and lots of other people that I am not kidding

The first round written test was conducted in a different college. At around 12:30 pm, we were given the 1^st round question papers which incorporated NO –ve marking. The paper consists of 60 questions and before attempting any of them I just memorized 2 rudiments,

1. Don’t attempt all the questions even if there is no negative marking

2. Try harder/time consuming questions first when there is not negative marking because these questions hold higher value.

I precisely chased these 2 set of laws and attempted mere 35 questions out of 60 which included each protracted question. When I came out people were happy that the test did not have any negative marking and hence each person responded to all 60 questions without fail. I felt that I have screwed all my odds of getting my destiny to relish the painless path. The results were to be declared at around 4:30 but I was standing like a fool who screwed up again because I thought I was over smart.

“Come on lets go, I know I will not get through the written test”, I told Deeps

“No let’s wait for the results”, she insisted on staying back, she still had hope.

I tried 5-6 more time to sway her to go back but she was immovable. I wanted to go back because I did not want anyone’s pity if my name was not declared but I guess I had to bow down in front of Deep’s wish.

Placement officer informed that as many as 64 people have been chosen out of 130 people who appeared in the written test, by now I was definite that I am not in the listings. Placement officer started reading out names from the list of 64 fortunate people and as expected my name was nowhere to be there and the list was almost at its climax but then towards the very end; among last 3-4 names; something sounded very familiar, “Anky”,

yes yes yes

“See I told you that you will be picked”, Deeps was cheered up

Now it was time for me to outdo the next obstacle which was “The Interview”, we were given 3 days to get ready. The day arrived pretty soon and we yet again had to go to a different college. After waiting for round about 5-6 hrs it was our college’s student’s turn to show in front of the interviewers. I was number 8 to go in for the first round; there were 3 interviewers who were conducting for us, one lady and 2 males. The guys were cool but the lady had already interviewed 3 guys from our college and discarded them at once and I was her next victim,

“Tell me about you”, she asked a very regular 1^st interview question

I spoke for 5-10 minutes until she said stop and asked,

“Do you know C++”, she asked

“Yes”

“How much would you rate yourself in C++ on scale of 1-10 ?”

“10”, I replied within a nano-second and without even blinking my eyes, I was excellent at C++ but again my over smartness crushed my sanity and after the reply I was pretty sure that she will screw me up till I weep.

“So you know all in C++ ?”, she was stunned

“Yes”, I supported my response because the damage was already done

“Ok, why your 10^th marks are less then your 12^th marks which usually is reverse for everyone else ?”

What !!!! She has let me get away for that C++ blunder !!!!

“I never used to study till 10^th standard and after the unpleasant outcome of 10^th standard my parents started thrashing me up and because of that I faired pretty well in 12^th standard”, I replied comically and grinned

The lady evaluator who looked very serious till now also smiled after listening to my account which relived all pressure on me.

“I m done with your interview, please show me all your marks sheets”

I could not believe, I was through with my technical round without even being asked a solitary technical question !!! I gave all my marks cards to her. She inspected all and found a problem,

“You failed one exam and I don’t see any report card which says that you passed it”

“It’s because the results are just out on internet and report cards will take another 3-4 weeks”

“Oh, in that case I cannot give you HR Form”, she smirked

“But I have cleared that assessment”, I responded weakly

She took one HR form and wrote my name on it and kept next to her and said

“This is your HR form, substantiate that you cleared this exam and take the HR form and go”

Now if you can visualize, my circumstances were altogether screwed up. I without wasting anytime went to my placement officer who had carried the photocopies of all the results with him.

“Sir I need 5^th Sem results”, I asked panting

He straightaway started looking into a roll of 10-15 Xeroxed sheets but quickly I and he apprehended that the placement officer was piece of shit of the uppermost kind because since we were in 6^th sem he got only 6^th sem marks !!! It never occurred to that son of a bitch that people might get botched in semesters prior to 6^th sem too !!! Well I never imagined that my day would be like this, I ran and came out of the college and was hunting for a cyber café desperately, so that I can at least get a printout of my purity. I logged into the VTU website and wolla !!! Results were not there any longer !!! Results are available only for 2 weeks and we were already into the third week. At that instant I could visualize myself competing in off-campus with hundreds of people again . But I still hadn’t lost any hope, I conceived a strategy, I went straight to the interviewer who took my interview and I told her that there is no way I can ascertain until tomorrow unless its ok if our placement officer gives your company a written application declaring that this person has cleared all his exams and can be handed over his HR form !!!

Well my luck finally clunked and she said “OK”.

I was again galloping across the hallway and in 5 minutes I was filling out the HR form.

It was already 9 pm when people started getting calls for HR discussions and beginning to come out inside 2 minutes !!

That’s weird, because till today what I have heard is that HR rounds are lengthiest !!

“Anky !!”, a lady yelled

I upstretched my hand,

This is it

I was directed to a HR who just looked to be a young teenager who has just come of her college. She asked me to be seated and asked me to speak something about me. I over again babbled the pre-set speech for the 2^nd time which she asked me to rest after 3-4 minutes,

“What is you strength ?” she asked with a grave look

“Confidence”, I replied confidently

“What is your weakest point ?”, she threw another delicate question on my face

“Over-confidence”, I retorted without blinking my eyes

After eavesdropping to my reply her face went foulest and she asked me to enlighten and I described that I know C++ splendidly and I am swollen with pride of it and in technical round I rated myself 10 when asked, that was the overconfidence but I was fortunate to get away with that.

May be it was my “Confidence” which she liked because HR absolutely bought it.

“Ok, Let’s have a discussion about IT industry”, she asked me

WTF !!!

What is IT industry ?? How the hell a 6^th semester college undergraduate will have any idea about IT business !! College students don’t even know their syllabus correctly, how are they supposed to know that. But according to my exploration on interviews; interviewer is not at all times looking for a truthful response, they are looking for the composure and buoyancy and you should certainly not think a lot to act in response to their question.

So I went forward right away, “We know that IT industry is creating a revolution around the globe today and Joke Factory is one of that companies which known to be the finest”

HR’s face went from disgust to hatred which I duly noted and determined not to discontinue and carry on because if I stop at this moment and allowed her to speak then I am a dead man. So I was nonstop talking about Joke Factory, I boasted each award Joke Factory has ever won and each recognition they have ever got, I knew all this because that was an vital part of the preparation, to be acquainted with your company !!! I did not stop until she asked me to and asked me if I am prepared to move to Chennai or Hyderabad ?

“No”, I said

“What !!! Are you not ready to work in Bangalore ?”, she snubbed

“Yes I am !!!”, I replied in astonishment because that’s not what I heard

“Are you positive that you are in your senses ??”, she nearly affronted me

“Sorry ma’am, I would like to join in Bangalore only”, I tried to refurbish the damage

“Ok Go”, she asked me to leave

I was disconsolate because final few seconds appeared to be a yet another blunder and in some way I may have upset her. I met Ghosh who also had a similar coincidence and was in grief. We both were extremely confident that we will not get through but on the other hand Guabha, Chaubey and Bhatti were making merry that they will get picked for sure.

It was result moment, they started announcing the name of the selected aspirants, and they began with,

“Anky”

“Ghosh”

We could not believe our ears and some others also could not, we were the people who were least positive on our performances and we were the foremost people to get picked !!! It was just beyond explanation, it was magical. Only 24 out of 64 were singled out and I was among those 24 and none of Guabha, Chaubey and Bhatti was chosen.

I without more ado called my parents and informed them about the excellent news and they highly praised my accomplishment. Then I called Deeps,

I said, “Hello”

She said, “Congrats”

How the hell she gets all news beforehand !!!

Chapter 22: I flunked

 

I was down in the dumps; I was lost and was wrecked within. I wasn’t alive nor was I dead but there was something which did not allow me to fix the situation, the faith. She wasn’t ready to listen to me but she chose to trust someone over me who was a complete stranger. I just wanted to get sloshed but being a student you don’t get luxury to get wasted on break-ups. So in pain I went to have tea at Vidhyarthi Bakery. The bakery where the enchantments of Tea and butter bun will overpower your will and freedom. The place where I discovered the most innovative burger, “Deem Butter Bun”, a bun heavily dosed with butter with 2 half pieces of boiled egg squeezed in the middle; I just have three words to portray it,

Amazing Amazing and Amazing

I was miserable and when you are disheartened you must do the thing you like the most, I eat. So you can distinguish how sad I was lately . But let me tell you a thing very undoubtedly that if you know Deeps then you would know that it’s impracticable to rupture relations with her; in fact it’s impossible unless she does not want to stay in relation with you; in that case you will never even realize that you are no longer Deep’s friend

It was about 30 minutes into our first break-up and out of the blue my phone rang. The phone was flashing “Deeps”, I was infuriated and anxious so I just answered the call,

“Hello”

“Hi”, she spoke

“What is it ?”, I acted as if I am in rush and not interested for a conversation

“What are you doing”, she asked in a pale tone

“Please come to the point”, I was already annoyed

“Nothing I just wanted to have a chat in general”, she said

“What !!! We just broke up half an hour before and you are behaving as if nothing has ever happened !! I nearly screamed

“No no that’s different and this is different”, she tried explaining

As soon as I heard that my brain stopped working and there was blood in my eyes, I was unable to speak, the only thing I could do was to hang up.

She tried calling me a zillion times but I did not answer. I wanted her to know that this relation can workout only if it has 2 way communication, there is no and there can never be 1 way. She then called out to NM who later came and discussed it with me. I still did not talk to her and wanted this condition to get matured in her head. Evening I called her up and asked what is that she wants and things were back on track like usual.

*************

It was a lab exam, the final lab exam. Situation was nervous, I was unruffled and Deeps was routinely panicked and petrified. In every examination we both used to be exact opposites but I guess my cool and her panic always worked out for each other. We went in and waited for the further directions. The procedure was straightforward, you go in and choose your destiny, pick up a chit from a stack of chits and that will determine your try out of the day. And I don’t know why Deeps always argued that I and Apsara always got easiest experiments all through our engineering !!! But I guess this was Deeps luckiest day. She picked up and the instant she opened it she was all cheered up as if some one has gifted her diamond necklace. She looked at me, we exchanged looks of contentment, a look which told us both that we will come out with flying colours. I started with my test, it was quite uncomplicated and easy. I had to connect the wires and had to keep changing parameter ‘A’ and make a note of the resultant parameter ‘B’ and then I had to draw a graph. On the other hand Deeps got the easiest one in which she had to connect wires and show the basic sine wave output in CRO,

The wire connection was a piece of cake, so I was confident that she will get through it before me. But people say that if devil possesses your wits then how much ever simple thing you are aiming at, you will always do the opposite. I was very much confident that I had to vary ‘A’ and assess ‘B’ but I do not know what happened, I told myself, Lets do the reverse, lets Measure ‘B’ and note down ‘A’ and I continued.

After a while the in-house evaluator came in and when she saw what I was doing she was struck with horror, she said you are doing exactly opposite of what you should be doing. As I was possessed by the evil spirit; instead of listening to her, I enlightened her why “what I am doing” is correct !!! She heard me and heard me one more time and left with a Go-To-Hell look. This wasn’t it, now the external assessor came by and he saw my set of connections and said the identical thing which I must tell you that external evaluators NEVER do. But how could I had paid attention because to me both of them were out of their mind,

And they call them teachers …. Huh

I completed my experimentation and I was about to go for the viva (the last step of the entire procedure) and I saw Deeps, under attack by her experiment,

That’s weird!!!

It was time to assist her, it was already 2 hrs up in the assessment and she wasn’t even on track. I adjusted myself next to my setup so that Deeps can see me but examiners can’t. I gestured at her asking what the trouble is. She signaled back saying that she does not know how to attach the CRO chord to the CRO !!!!

What … !!! What … !!! Come again !!!! WTF ….. You are trapped at THAT !!!

Each experiment incorporated CRO so it should have been a sure thing. It was like every time you go to cook food, what do you do foremost, you turn on the burner. She did not know how to turn on the burner. And icing on the cake was her fright. She was about to shed tears when I calmed her down from far by indicating her that I will help her out. It was my Dumb Charades skills that worked out that day and I signaled her entire experiment. According to the examiner she got the most excellent output in that batch. I was reassured and now stepped forward to my viva. Both the evaluators were already pissed with me, they asked me hardly any questions which I replied confidently, both of them asked the last time, if I want to go back and modify what I have written and done, I without any faltering replied a BIG NO. So they asked me to disappear. I came out and the moment I came out I become conscious, as if I was no longer possessed by the demon. I grasped what I did but it was very late. I saw Apsara coming,

“How was your test”, she asked with a smile

“Not bad, I will flunk though”, I replied and walked away with a sarcastic smile on my face for the idiocy I just managed to pull off.

Chapter 22: I flunked

 

I was down in the dumps; I was lost and was wrecked within. I wasn’t alive nor was I dead but there was something which did not allow me to fix the situation, the faith. She wasn’t ready to listen to me but she chose to trust someone over me who was a complete stranger. I just wanted to get sloshed but being a student you don’t get luxury to get wasted on break-ups. So in pain I went to have tea at Vidhyarthi Bakery. The bakery where the enchantments of Tea and butter bun will overpower your will and freedom. The place where I discovered the most innovative burger, “Deem Butter Bun”, a bun heavily dosed with butter with 2 half pieces of boiled egg squeezed in the middle; I just have three words to portray it,

Amazing Amazing and Amazing

I was miserable and when you are disheartened you must do the thing you like the most, I eat. So you can distinguish how sad I was lately . But let me tell you a thing very undoubtedly that if you know Deeps then you would know that it’s impracticable to rupture relations with her; in fact it’s impossible unless she does not want to stay in relation with you; in that case you will never even realize that you are no longer Deep’s friend

It was about 30 minutes into our first break-up and out of the blue my phone rang. The phone was flashing “Deeps”, I was infuriated and anxious so I just answered the call,

“Hello”

“Hi”, she spoke

“What is it ?”, I acted as if I am in rush and not interested for a conversation

“What are you doing”, she asked in a pale tone

“Please come to the point”, I was already annoyed

“Nothing I just wanted to have a chat in general”, she said

“What !!! We just broke up half an hour before and you are behaving as if nothing has ever happened !! I nearly screamed

“No no that’s different and this is different”, she tried explaining

As soon as I heard that my brain stopped working and there was blood in my eyes, I was unable to speak, the only thing I could do was to hang up.

She tried calling me a zillion times but I did not answer. I wanted her to know that this relation can workout only if it has 2 way communication, there is no and there can never be 1 way. She then called out to NM who later came and discussed it with me. I still did not talk to her and wanted this condition to get matured in her head. Evening I called her up and asked what is that she wants and things were back on track like usual.

*************

It was a lab exam, the final lab exam. Situation was nervous, I was unruffled and Deeps was routinely panicked and petrified. In every examination we both used to be exact opposites but I guess my cool and her panic always worked out for each other. We went in and waited for the further directions. The procedure was straightforward, you go in and choose your destiny, pick up a chit from a stack of chits and that will determine your try out of the day. And I don’t know why Deeps always argued that I and Apsara always got easiest experiments all through our engineering !!! But I guess this was Deeps luckiest day. She picked up and the instant she opened it she was all cheered up as if some one has gifted her diamond necklace. She looked at me, we exchanged looks of contentment, a look which told us both that we will come out with flying colours. I started with my test, it was quite uncomplicated and easy. I had to connect the wires and had to keep changing parameter ‘A’ and make a note of the resultant parameter ‘B’ and then I had to draw a graph. On the other hand Deeps got the easiest one in which she had to connect wires and show the basic sine wave output in CRO,

The wire connection was a piece of cake, so I was confident that she will get through it before me. But people say that if devil possesses your wits then how much ever simple thing you are aiming at, you will always do the opposite. I was very much confident that I had to vary ‘A’ and assess ‘B’ but I do not know what happened, I told myself, Lets do the reverse, lets Measure ‘B’ and note down ‘A’ and I continued.

After a while the in-house evaluator came in and when she saw what I was doing she was struck with horror, she said you are doing exactly opposite of what you should be doing. As I was possessed by the evil spirit; instead of listening to her, I enlightened her why “what I am doing” is correct !!! She heard me and heard me one more time and left with a Go-To-Hell look. This wasn’t it, now the external assessor came by and he saw my set of connections and said the identical thing which I must tell you that external evaluators NEVER do. But how could I had paid attention because to me both of them were out of their mind,

And they call them teachers …. Huh

I completed my experimentation and I was about to go for the viva (the last step of the entire procedure) and I saw Deeps, under attack by her experiment,

That’s weird!!!

It was time to assist her, it was already 2 hrs up in the assessment and she wasn’t even on track. I adjusted myself next to my setup so that Deeps can see me but examiners can’t. I gestured at her asking what the trouble is. She signaled back saying that she does not know how to attach the CRO chord to the CRO !!!!

What … !!! What … !!! Come again !!!! WTF ….. You are trapped at THAT !!!

Each experiment incorporated CRO so it should have been a sure thing. It was like every time you go to cook food, what do you do foremost, you turn on the burner. She did not know how to turn on the burner. And icing on the cake was her fright. She was about to shed tears when I calmed her down from far by indicating her that I will help her out. It was my Dumb Charades skills that worked out that day and I signaled her entire experiment. According to the examiner she got the most excellent output in that batch. I was reassured and now stepped forward to my viva. Both the evaluators were already pissed with me, they asked me hardly any questions which I replied confidently, both of them asked the last time, if I want to go back and modify what I have written and done, I without any faltering replied a BIG NO. So they asked me to disappear. I came out and the moment I came out I become conscious, as if I was no longer possessed by the demon. I grasped what I did but it was very late. I saw Apsara coming,

“How was your test”, she asked with a smile

“Not bad, I will flunk though”, I replied and walked away with a sarcastic smile on my face for the idiocy I just managed to pull off.

Chapter 20: Look Who's talking

 

It was end of yet another semester and like always, I had to catch the immediate train soon after the exams are over. I was packed and ready to roll. This time NM was travelling with me till Nagpur (Half way). It was always nice if someone you know is going with you from Bangalore to Jaipur even till half way. It was always dreadful to spend 2 entire days on your own in the train but anyways I had done it a million times. Out of those million times I was fortunate only once when I met few people who appeared of the same age as mine, 2 guys and 1 girl. The girl was from UP and she looked very extrovert the way she was interacting with us, so I started showing off. I told them that I study in Bangalore in a college called APS, “my college has this” and “my college has that”, blah blah blah, I went on and on. When I was done I was pretty certain that I have established who is the smartest and moreover the girl looked awfully impressed. I then asked each of them for their introduction, I asked the 1^st guy,

“Where do you study ?”, I asked

“I am doing MBBS from Manipal”, he said

Hmmmm this guy is clearly from a better institute then I am but that's fine

“You”, I asked the 2^nd guy

“I am from IIT-Kanpur”, he said

Great, what else are we missing!!!

“What about you Bharti ?”, I asked the girl

“I am from IIT-Chennai”, she said with a grin

So for next 2 days I was looking for a corner or someplace where I can bury my face. I was a like an ordinary man who was trying to be a hero in middle of a bunch of superheroes like Superman, Batman and Wonder women.

************************

Deeps asked me many times about how a wedding takes place in north and I gave her the fresh illustration of my cousin brother whose story line was approximately similar to ours.

Nitin was an engineering student in Bangalore and Anjula was a medical student. They fell in love, got married and lived happily ever after.

Deeps was pleased that my family is not new to this business and she liked the story because she could foresee our fairy-tale also to end the same way.

It was the first time when I was going home while my love story was in top gear and both of us could not resist staying away. So we made a deal that we will talk every day. It was those days when Mobile phones still had incoming call charges and sustaining a mobile phone itself was a character of sumptuousness and hence both of us still did not have any mobile. We were dependent either on our house phones or STD booths. A girl calling up to my house also could have raised questions for me so I told her even if she wants to call to my house apart from pre-decided time then fake yourself as a Jaipur Girl with the name “Amrita”, Amrita was my school friend and used to call to my house. I gave Deeps very basic instructions and told her that her Hindi should be excellent enough to trick them. She was as usual over-confident and gave me a don’t-you-worry affirmation.

And the day arrived where she could not hang around till the determined time, she called to my house and my mom picked up,

“Hello”, said my mom

“Kya mai Ankit se baat kar sakti hu ?” (Can I talk to Ankit), she said in an excellent Hindi intonation

“Wo to abhi hai nahi, kaun bol raha hai ?” (He is not here but may I know who is on the line ?), My mom asked

The sentence she told after that created a history,

“Mai Anjula bol raha hu” (Its Anjula speaking (In Masculine grammatical gender))           

My mother never stopped laughing that day, in fact she was almost rolling on the floor when she heard that. First Deeps said the wrong name, I guess she was too much overwhelmed with Nitin-Anjula love story that she chose “Anjula” over “Amrita” and next she said it in masculine Hindi grammar which made things even better. I returned home and I found my mom choking with extreme laughter and when she told me this I too laughed my lungs out. Later I clarified it to my mother that she was frightened to call and that’s why she attempted Hindi.

*************

Well feast were over soon and I was back in college. It was a spanking new semester and a very vital one because many new and innovative topics were to be taken up this time. In which one of the subject was “Satellite communications”. “Hari - the lecturer”, who was taking this subject was once student of the APS college and soon after he joined as a lecturer in APS. I don’t know what was about him, either he was extremely attractive or every girl was sightless. According to most of the girls he was bloody handsome !!! And he was sizzling favorite among girls, maybe it was his jokes which kept all the girls amused, one of which goes like this,

Hari was addressing us on satellites,

“Satellites move with the help of Pulsars”, elucidated Hari

He then took a pause and said

“Pulsar, definitely male”, with a wide beam

Entire classroom exploded into hilarity apart from me and NM who were looking each other’s face in repugnance, I could not resist and said,

“Sir please raise your hand next time you think a joke is very funny so that we know that we have to giggle”

The subsequent lecture was by Anil (Name forgotten). He was sincere and strict. He began with his lecture and every time he turned his back to write something onto the board; patti took out a peanut; pealed it and munched it. He did that for a while until everybody observed and asked him for peanuts. He supplied peanuts to everyone in the class in next 20 minutes until Apsara also realized and asked patti for peanuts, who was sitting just in front of her. Patti passed her a peanut, she pealed it and instead of tossing the peel away she handed it back to patti. Now patti was like a small kid, wanted tit for tat, he took that same peel and stuffed it with the chewing gum he was working on, he then handed it back to Apsara. Apsara thought that this is a new lot and she opened it cheerfully until the gum inside abruptly made a cruel and indescribable contact with her hand and as a girl her immediate feedback was,

“Cheeeeee …… thuuuuuu”, with a deafening and unmannerly scream

Anil spun back in surprise and saw Patti celebrating his victory; Patti was laughing out loudly with no sound. He threw a chalk piece on Patti and left the classroom in disgust. As soon as he left NM and Patti broke into a brawl because patti made fun of his “girlfriend” which was intolerable to him. For next 12 minutes both of them made numerous relationships with each other’s families which whole class witnessed and listened, in fact few of our south Indian friends learnt some new expressions too , augmentation in their vocabulary.

Chapter 13: Its my turn

Middle of 3rd semester expected joining of a fresh batch; new batch means freshers, meaning its payback time. One evening when I returned from the college I saw a new guy sitting in my room with his father. Hostel warden introduced them to us and gave assurance to his father that these people will take good care of him, which was quiet accurate, Me and Mahajan were just 2 humble guys who were looking for some true blood, that’s all. His father left with the warden to go back to the Bangalore City. It was just me and Mahajan who were left with Raman in the room. He was sitting on my bed and looked relieved after warden’s promise because we presented ourselves harmless puppies with innocence dripping out of our faces.

“Sir aap kaha se hai” (Where are you from), he asked me while he pushed his arms back on the wall and tried to get comfortable with his new buddies after his father left.

“Kyo ?? Thane me report likhwayega ?”, (Why ?? Do you want to complain about me to the Police ?) I barked with intense sadism in my eyes.

He was in an instant state of a kick in the teeth, people who were so kind to him a minute before are unexpectedly turned into dementors !!! His smile washed out and he abruptly sat straight up as he looked at me while I bolted the door.

“Aray sir kya hua ?? Mera matlab wo nahi tha” (I am regretful and I did not imply that what you are thinking), he cried in a convincing tone

“Abay saale pehle to khada hoke baat kar” (You Ass, Stand up at once and then speak)

He got up in shock, Raman recognized what was going on and in a little while he started responding to us. He knew if he will respond as we say then only he can get away with slightest damage.

He was our opening prey and since we were also new to this, we did not do much to him but after some extreme sessions with Raman we become skilled at it. The necessary thing to remember in ragging is to establish that you are the most livid person alive and secondly, yell for each and everything. Soon when there were loads of juniors in the hostel we trained them to acknowledge us the moment they see us, Good-morning, Good-afternoon and Good-evening. The ragging gatherings were getting severe day by day, some of us just wanted a first-class evening amusement whereas some hunted for hard core reprisal.

Each sundown we distributed a small amount of juniors among our groups of dementors. Today we were having a contest amid 3 juniors from Bihar. The competition was to abuse the ceiling fan to the degree possible in one minute. It kicked off well with Bodybuilder who abused fan so roughly that if that fan had any hearing capabilities then that fan would have committed suicide in high voltage vicinity!!

A 4^th junior stood in one corner of the room and was laughing in Sin Wave !! Puzzled ? SinX, CosX !!! Ringing any bells !! So the fourth junior, Dutta, was performing like this,

With each Sin wave cannot be of more than 4-5 seconds long that means he would giggle for 2 seconds and then weep for next 2, Creepy !!

Second contestant for the abuse challenge was Mishra, He started with,

“Kutte, Kamine, Gadhe” (Dog, Rascal, Donkey), what I comprehend was a sweet and tender tone with true love for the fan apparent in his eyes

“Abay gaali de raha hai ki Pyaar kar raha hai, Gaali de” (Are you abusing or making love to the fan ?) I screamed deafeningly

“Kutte, Kamine buuuuu hhhuuuuuuu uuuuuuu” he started weeping like a small baby or a 16 year old college girl when she finds out that she is been dumped after very first date !!!

While people were busy in cursing the ceiling fan someone swung open the door and a fresh junior pierced in and declared,

“Hi Guys, I dropped one year and I am your batch mate”, he waved at us and gave an enormous smile.

We dementors looked at each other and barely understood what and why he did that but we gave each other a gigantic smile, following that evening Mondal, who claimed to be our batch mate was serving bread jam and bread butter to every Dementor in their room while he recited “Sorry Sir” every time he handed out a piece to a dementor. Mondal you rocked our world that day, I can never forget that day, you ass

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One evening I came back to the hostel, I was crimson in colour because I was fuming, I was angry because she liked Sammy. I could not let her go and I was annoyed with myself that I was allowing it to occur but there was nothing I could do.

I thumped the door as I entered in my room and there was Mahajan with the latest junior, Sheetle, they were bonding because they were from the same locale, Himachal Pradesh. Everything was going great which was apparent from their bright faces until I entered. I gazed at him and he did not say a word, I went fanatical and bellowed,

“Abay aur kitni baar samjhana padega ki har baar wish karna hai” (How many more times do you want instructions on greeting ?)

“Tum log sab sar pe chad gaye ho, Lagta hai sabki dhulai karni padegi” (I think I will have beat the shit out of you guys)

I did not know what I did or how spiteful I looked and sounded but those 2 lines were very efficient as I had managed make my first victim whimper. He cried like a widow on her husband’s memorial service, perhaps because I spat my rage on him and he was just a day old in the hostel, was traumatized a bit by the ragging and was shoddily suffering with homesickness.

In middle of all that my endurance was started to give up, I could not hold it inside me anymore. I wanted to split open in front of her but I could not, I could not recognize what was preventing me, Fear ? I don’t think so, I am not afraid of anyone !!! I had to meet her.

We had to get some notes Xeroxed in Jayanagar 4th Block. We met at Jayanagar bus station. She came and I saw her, she waved at me and my heart screamed from inside, 

Mannnnnnn what are you waiting for, You will curse yourself for your entire life if you will not tell her,

She looked as gorgeous as always, her beauty was in her minimalism and the way she used to carry herself. She was an 18 year old spoiled brat with tom boyish characteristics and yes I fell for those very features. She was no typical girl and for records I neither was/is a very regular guy.

We went to the Xerox shop, it took precisely 35 minutes, 368 pages and around 110 bucks. From last few days I was finding it very tricky to focus on what she is saying, I rather liked to gaze at her while she talks. Whenever she spoke it felt like each word is like a pearl.

After Xeroxing it was time to say goodbyes because it was getting late. We stood at Yediyur bus stop and my heart started pounding all of a sudden because my heart made a choice against the will of my brain. It took a split second for me to recognize what my sub-conscious mind has just determined and I agreed no more that it’s now or never, I turned towards her and said,

“Hey can I ask you a Question ?”

She looked at me and she said “Yes go ahead”

This is it, I took a deep breath and said ……. to be continued

Chapter 12: The Pain

     2^nd semester results were out and everyone did pretty well . But Deeps was struggling a bit in mathematics . In first 2 semester she got middling grades which was tarnishing her overall end result. I sensed that and as a good friend I wanted to lend her a hand in these rigid circumstances. I began training her in mathematics whenever we got time, in college canteen or at the temple in the college. But that seemed not sufficient because we used to get very little time after attending all the regular lectures. So we begin to extend a bit and used to leave college a little late. She also told in her house that there are some extra classes and as a result we were getting generous time on Saturdays and on weekday holidays. I liked it because this way I could spend extra time with her . All of it did not go well because Hitler sensed that something is not right. She asked Deeps what is going on and what is the exact explanation of you coming late from college and going to the college when there is no college? She had to put in the picture the truth, she could not lie any longer. She told the complete state of affairs that she needed help out for her studies. Next day she came to the college and dropped a bomb on me by saying that,

“This cannot go on to any further extent”

“Why?” I asked frantically.

“I had to tell my mom everything and she does not like it at all”

“So who will be coaching you from now on?” I asked curiously.

“You”

“What!! How??” I was petrified for an instance.

“My mom said that you can come home and teach”

I could not believe what I heard, Hitler approved a guy inside her house to coach her daughter, Brilliant!!!

Anyways I started going to Deep’s house to give her some lessons on mathematics, we used to study from morning till evening and then I used to go back to the hostel. I was finding it hard to tell her about my feelings for her because if she does not think the same then I will lose her forever. Whatever bond of friendship we have between us will not be the same.

I had to be very certain about this, so I chose to wait patiently for the right time. Teaching her in her house was fun for both of us but I guess Deep’s mother did not like it and was disappointed on her choice of allowing me to teach Deeps. On one fine day Deeps updated me that her mother is not cheerful about this whole set-up. She has just one hesitation, why the hell someone will come from 20 kms to their house to train their daughter at no cost!!! She was convinced that something was going on between us, she got this suspicion A LOT and yes she was spot on but only to some extent. I was accepting all this soreness with delight because I liked her and could have done anything for her but she regarded me as only a friend,

“Please do not come from tomorrow”, She requested me.

“Why what happened”

“My mom does not like you coming to our house”

“But she is the one who allowed me in!!” I was little agitated.

“I know that but she believes that something is happening between us”

“Oh come on, what do I look like? ”

“No, she said that she does not want to hear in future that I want to marry you”

I nearly cried but I controlled in front of her. I left her house to never come back again and while leaving my heart was sobbing piercingly. I cried in the bus after I took off from her house. From the day I realized what she means to me, from that day every single thing that pointed in the direction of You-can’t-marry-Deeps destroyed me but I had to keep faith and trust in what I believe or else I will lose her. I was still comfortable that she still does not like any one and no one is after her. Was the situation in fact like this or was I careless enough to fail to notice things ??

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Something was making a horrific sound, what the hell is that!! I jumped out of my bed, I glanced around. It was my cell phone which was making a horrendous noise. Someone was calling me, what time is it!! It was 3 am!!

Who the in the god’s name is calling me at 3 AM!! I saw the number and it was Deep’s house number, I was surprised, what the hell !! Anyways I responded to the call,

“Hello”

“Hi, It’s me”, Deeps murmured

“What are you doing up at this time ?” I snapped

“I had a dream about Sammy”

Who the hell is Sammy ?? I wondered.

And all of a sudden I remembered that from past few days she is been chatting about a guy from our senior batch in the college and there is this guy who according to her is the most good-looking in the college. Soon I grasped the situation and I froze, I did not want this discussion to go on because I knew where this conversation could go. But I had to carry on,

“What happened”, I asked with a heavy heart.

“I think I like Sammy a lot, I think I will propose him but I am terrified that he will say no”, She said in a very gloomy tone.

Tears started dripping out of my eyes.

“Its ok Deeps, I am with you, don’t lose sleep on this, if you really like him then I swear that I will see that you guys get together”

She was calmed after my assurance and hung up the phone but I could experience that my entire life has hung up on me.

Chapter 11: We lost Cricket World cup finals, Damn it.

Third Semester started with a breaking news that Patti who was a day scholar till now have decided to move into the hostel . This was great news because now the back bench group could always be together in the hostel. Patti entered in the hostel with bursting enthusiasm. Patti was greeted in the hostel with ostentatious celebration.

Ummm not this majestic but we had an arrangement for him . All of us in the hostel had gone through extensive amount of agonizing ragging, thanks to the dementors like Chu Chu, Acharya and Dhar. They made us STRONG. Yes strong, we strongly hated them and we could not digest that someone tries to skip that and get into the hostel when all is ended. Anyways when he entered inside the hostel all dementors called him and took his introduction and assigned him a job to memorize the names of all the dementors. He was given me, Arnold and Mahajan to assist him with the names. He was unquestionably in excellent hands . We gave him all the accurate names apart from one. We told him that the name of one important dementor is Chaman (Means stupid). He wasn’t very sure because he sensed something was fishy but because he was new, he had to abide by what we say, so he committed the name to his memory.

Have you ever come across the situation when you took a tough method to face the trouble and your co-worker took a shortcut to face the same problem without any pain? And later He/She laughs on your face proving that you were a looser, look at me I accomplished the same with no dilemma. I am talking about the pleasure when their shortcut bites them in their ass . It was pleasurable to see Dementors molesting Patti just because of Chaman.

Cricket fever was going on because cricket world cup was happening and the exhilaration was there because India made it to the finals. The opponent was 2 time world cup victors Australia. But we were self-assured that India will come out clean and will overpower Australia to lift the cup . The match could only be watched at the hostel recreation room where a television set was kept. This television set showed only solitary channel, Doordarshan. It was ok until and unless match is on it. The recreation room was jam packed and those who did not get seats were standing and watching the game.

         Match began with a balanced Australia Batting. Srinath came to bowl 7th over and got hit for 16 runs, straight away people started relating themselves with his mother and sisters but this was just a start. India went on yielding easy runs and Australia kept on scoring until in 13th over Harbhajan claimed Gilchrist’s wicket. As Doordarshan showed Gilchrist walking back to pavilion, people in the hostel recreation room in fact started spitting on the television and showed Gilchrist their middle finger. Anyways then came the captain Ponting and rest became history, later in that complete Australian innings we heard things like,

Rest of the hostel to Bhutani (He is from Delhi), “Saale Nehra ko ghar pe baitha ke pakode banwa usse, bowling uske bas ki baat nahi hai” (Ask Nehra to cook pakodas n the house, he can’t bowl for nuts)

Rest of the hostel to Arnold and other kannadigas on each occasion when Srinath was hit for a boundary and he was hit A LOT, “Abay Srinath to spinner hai fir ye fast bowling karane ki koshish kyo kar raha hai, samjha na usko kannada me” (Why Srinath is trying to bowl fast, isn’t he a spinner ?? Go make him understand this in kannada)

Rest of the hostel to Shah (He is from Gujrat), “Ye Zaheer khan ko paisa de ke national team me bharti karwaye ho kya ??” (Have you guys bribed Indian cricket selection board to take Zaheer Khan ?)

Complete hostel to Ponting on his each boundary, I truly can’t write what all Ponting had to hear that day but think of this that on his each boundary he was gaining plenty of relatives from our hostel, particularly son-in-laws and fathers because weirdly that day each person was after his daughter and his mother !!!

But that was not it, people were still upbeat that even after posing a mammoth total Indian batsmen can still retaliate. Indian innings instigated with the plunge of Sachin Tendulkar in very first over. Abruptly there was a rampage in the recreation room, half the crowd instead of cursing Tendulkar and Mcgrath, cursed Tendulkar and Mcgrath’s mothers for no reason and left the scene. After a short time it looked like India is fighting back. People who were still expectant were motionless and people who left after Sachin’s wicket came back when they heard that India is recovering. But sooner it was evident that this is no contest, it’s just a one sided match .

As soon as last Indian wicket was chopped down each hostelite went wild , they broke all the stools and they tore out all the posters in the activity room. Some even tried assaulting the television but warden came for its rescue and little did he know that if not TV then it will be him, in fury crowd gave him respectable thrashings. All came to know about that when warden was frantically looking for the wrongdoers with a left black-and-blue eye and a puffed-up right cheek .

Well he did not get anyone because he could not recognize anyone that day but he kept looking for the grounds and circumstances to confront any of the hostelite. Atlast he got that opportunity, me, Arnold, Mahajan and Ghosh regularly fantasise about the wonderful coconuts on the coconut estate next to our college and one bright evening we decided to catch flavour of some. We made 2 teams of 2, me and Ghosh, Arnold and Mahajan. We entered into the estate and went in 2 separate directions and contracted to notify each other if someone comes by. The goal was to gather as many coconuts as possible and get out of there in no time, then relish them back inside the hostel the entire late afternoon. We arrived at our first stop where these 6 incredible green coconuts were inviting us like Smriti Virani used to invite inside her house in Kyonki saas bhi kabhi bahu thi start off credits. 1 and 2 and 3, we picked 3 stunning coconuts. All of a sudden I heard a grave noise “THUD” and next moment I could sense a blinding pain on my left butt. The caretaker of the estate was standing right behind me and he caught us red handed, he spanked me with a long stick. Ghosh blocked him before he could give me any more blows. I was thinking what the hell, why didn’t they alert us!!! The caretaker was busy in shouting on us but me and Ghosh eye witnessed something extraordinary, I have seen Usain Bolt running and I have also seen Vampires run with a speed of light in English movies but I undoubtedly remember that, that day Arnold and Mahajan did not even come for our rescue but they ran, they ran for their existence . Even if there was a vampire there that day, that also could not have beaten them. Both of them were like “Jesse Mach” (The rider of Street Hawk), the only difference was that they needed no street hawk.