### Sometime after the proposal ###
"Why can’t we be together ?" I wrote in a sheet of paper and passed it along to her. She took it and opened it, she looked intently at it for a minute and began to pen down her response. It was very hard for us to get time to chat about it hence we started trading chits in the classroom, which was practically chatting on paper instead over gtalk. One of the exchange went like this,
me - "Why can’t we end up as one ?"
She - "Because that is the dumbest suggestion ever"
Me - "Why ? We are excellent friends and now I have almost proposed you. Why can’t we take it ahead one more step ?"
She - "We are good friends, rather best friends and I value that but I don’t think in the same why you think beyond that"
Me - "I am not asking you to pronounce anything right now, I am just asking you to make an effort"
She - "Effort for what ? Even if it works out; there is no way we can get married"
Me - "And why is that ?"
She - "I cannot explain you the same thing again and again and please end this subject"
### Some more time after the proposal ###
We went to watch "Chalte Chalte", while watching the movie I could not control my sentiments because,
1. It was emotional, and
2. It was badly made
I could not control my tears at a scene where Rani Mukharji says "Nothing can ever happen between us so please leave me alone" and in reply SRK says, "Ok I leave you alone, I get it that I don’t stand a chance but at least let me try ?". The scene was extremely intense and in fact coincided with the circumstances happened earlier with us which could not control my feelings. I kept on weeping like a girl right through the movie because it was made of a familiar state of affair where guy cannot get the girl.
After the movie she asked me, “Why the hell did you cry like a baby ??”
I said, “Because the movie was about us !! The movie and our circumstances are no different. You are saying no because according to you nothing will work out, I agree that I don’t have any chance but at least let me make an effort !!”
### About 5 months after proposal ####
I tried all kinds of means but nothing seems to be working out. I started to lose all my optimism. It was college annual day and for the first time I was up for a show. Me and a dementor PJ, we grouped up to give out an exceptional pleasing concert. Both of us were guitarists and we settled on the song “Hotel California”, a handsome song . Mostly PJ had to do all and I just had to support him. I felt that I was getting my first break in music industry but I think I said that very soon. We practised a lot, day and night, hours and hours of guitar. First I was jumpy but then when we trained; I gained little self-belief. It was the judgement day, PJ updated me that he will let me know when we have to execute. I was thrilled and was waiting near the temple (The temple which was within the college campus, the adda for all the love birds at the lecture time).
I was very much looking forward for the performance. College day started off little behind schedule because as we have experienced in our life persistently that chief guest is always last to arrive. It started off nicely with some fine acts, our show was somewhere near halfway. As the day progressed and the time drew nearer my heartbeats began getting heavier minute by minute. And at last time arrived, this is it, after the in progress performance it’s our turn. The recital ended but there was no indication from PJ and no intimation that we are up next instead it was Chief guest’s turn to have a word. That Son-of-a-Bitch took more than 2 hours to conclude his impossible fairy-tale about his upbringing !!! That resulted in cut down of a number of performances and showcasing of only those programs which were important. Our routine was also chopped down due to that. I was pissed and was very annoyed. I went to the temple and wanted sometime unaccompanied. Finding me nowhere; Anjali came to temple looking for me and asked me,
“What happened, why did you come out of there ?”
“What the hell, I was so much looking forward to present and now I can’t”
“It happens Anky, calm yourself down”
“What it happens ? Nothing is working out in my life”
“Just because you could not perform; how can you hold your life responsible for that ?” Deeps asked
“Yes nothing is working out in my life”
“I did so much of hard work on this and this could not take place and on a similar note I have worked so hard on my love life and that is also does not seem to work out”
“Why what happened with your love life ?” She acted innocent
“My girlfriend, she does not wanna say yes to my proposal that’s why” I also acted naive
I said that and looked down in misery, I was not in mood for any discussion. I thought I have lost it all. There is nothing more to do in life and I should pack my bag return home !! (Yes that happens when you look forward too much to something which you know will work out but it doesn’t).
“Its ok everything will be alright” she tried to cool me down
“How the hell can everything get alright ?”
“Look I can’t do anything for what happened today with your routine but why are you feeling bad for your love life, your girlfriend hasn’t approved on something but she hasn’t said no, right ?” she said graciously to me
What ??? Did she just said yes ??
As soon as I heard that I was in complete paralysis and this time it was for good. I did not wanna jump on any conclusion and I also did not want to show my exhilaration in the very next second but I could see a ray of hope, it was more than ray of hope, it was tube light of hope for me. I still showed that I am irritated and did not hear accurately what she said. Gradually I showed good progress on my temper and both of us went to that final program of the day, a rocking concert by a rock band. I danced like nuts ; I no longer remembered what I was livid for because the most significant thing that mattered to me took a sharp turn towards triumph. This was the happiest day of my life because for me it was already a “YES”.