The Story

This is story is a series of fictional events about a north Indian guy and his south Indian journey. My aim here is to entertain you by narrating some interesting and hilarious incidents.

I have no intentions of making racial remarks or hurting anyone, if I may do so accidentally then I apologies.

P.S - Movie makers will be prosecuted if they make movie on this story without my permission :D

Note:- I have not read Chetan Bhagat's 2 States, mind it.

© 2010 All Rights Reserved

Monday, May 16, 2011

Chapter 25: The Moron 5


In next to no time it was the conclusion of an era, it was end of the college and we were all free birds, no more studies. I was the happiest person because I need not struggle for the job anymore because in last chapter I got one Winking smile. I had 4 months to go to my home town and come back to join the Joke Factory. Time flew away like a snap of a finger and I was all over again all set to be back in Bangalore but since NM, Rambo and Patti all were into different jobs now; I had no place to go to. I asked Deeps to look out for a PG, which is the most unfortunate place you can ever get in to live. She confirmed that she has found a place. I was thrilled to go to the office and with the same exhilaration I landed in Bangalore where Deeps welcomed me with very unpleasant news, the PG she booked is no longer available, I was pissed. It was 6 pm in the evening and I had no place to stay ?

What am I gonna do ??

Either I could have gone to a hotel or to an acquaintance from the college for few days. At the moment there was only one such group which was residing in Bangalore, “The Moron 5”. The story behind Moron 5 was that each member of this group was either a discard from their college group or was a loner. All rejects got together and created a fresh group which I named “Moron 5” and please DO NOT mistake it with “Maroon 5” . I was least interested in going to that house because 3 out of 5 people residing in that house were declared mentally unfit by 85% of the college and for this very reason they are living together because they only could have tolerated each other.

I was left with no other option but to go and live with these people, out of these 5; 2 were my good friends and in fact were nice people too, I am still unable to comprehend how they ended up in that group, may be because they were loner.

# Garfield Sick smile – A civilized and a great guy, he was classmate of Rambo.

# Sam In love – My batch mate, one more gujju directly from Gujarat, again a well-mannered guy.

# Romeo Ghost – My College senior, not a great guy but I never hated him because he never was harmful to me.

# Tommy Alien – My batch mate, then my junior, the weirdest guy I have ever met, he had few things which makes him unreservedly hideous human being

# He thinks knows he is the best.

# He will not allow you to lay a hand on any of his stuff.

# He thinks he is the most attractive guy alive.

# He will not have any gratefulness towards any help he gets, on the other hand he thinks that the person is blessed to help him, no one gets that kind of opportunity in a lifetime.

# At present it has been almost 4-5 years since he left college and he hasn’t looked for a job just because no one offers a job for 100 thousand bucks a month to a fresher.

# Last and most essential thing, he claims that he is so fearless that he can shout at anyone anytime; but only behind their back Winking smile

# Chacha Vampire bat – My college senior, I never got to know why he was named this but let me tell you, if I hated anyone in my life then this guy rules the list by miles. He is the most,

· Disgusting

· Mean

· Arrogant

· Dirty, he does not wash his clothes just because if you wash clothes they will be ruined !!! I still remember the horrible smell from his bed sheet which wasn’t washed from 2 years.

Person I have ever seen. He self declared himself the local guardian to all other who were staying in the house. I stayed with them probably 5 years before but I am still so angry with them that I cant even describe.

# Ayub Hot smile – He wasn’t part of the Moron 5 but he used to visit this house just for food.

I determined to settle up into their house for a week or so until I find a permanent accommodation but Garfield then persuaded me that I can continue here forever. I was convinced on 3 circumstances,

# I did not have to chip in for any advance capital towards the house since it was already paid by Moron 5

# I get to stay with people I know, I just cannot stay alone.

# I get to eat home cooked food

Moron 5 hired a chef to cook for them. Everyone had to pay the equal share but whatever will be cooked will be chacha’s choice because he is not too comfortable with many vegetables !!

Let me rephrase that “he was not too comfortable with any vegetables”, therefore daily it used to be potato.

As anticipated within few days Chacha started showing his true colours, I got to know that for some bizarre reason everyone is terrified of Chacha and blindly follow whatever he says. Whenever we were in a disagreement every single moron used to support Chacha even if he was wrong, which he used to be on 200% times. Before coming to this house I was a very modest person and never said NO to anyone but for ever and a day I am thankful to these people because they taught me how to say NO.

Unpleasant incident 1

I organise a cricket strategy game which includes money, I used to call it cricket betting. It involved loads of MS excel usage. I used Garfield’s laptop to do that and when Chacha came to know,

“Ye sab satta watta ghar me nahi chalega, ye shareef logo ka ghar hai” (Take this cricket betting out of the house, this is a house where only well-brought-up people stay), he scolded me

I looked at his face and replied, “Sirf roommate ki tarah raho baap banne ki koshish mat karo” (Be a roommate and don’t try to become my father)

Small incidents like this used to happen every single day

Unpleasant incident 2

Chacha’s brother had come to visit us and I am sorry to say that he is a bigger idiot then Chacha. On a Sunday morning I was getting ready to go and meet Deeps, all of a sudden Chacha’s bro came and asked,

“Kaha Jaa raha hai” (Where are you going)

“Ghoomne” (To roam around)

“Kaha ghoomega ?” (Where will you roam around)

I was pissed by now, “Road pe” (On the Road)

“Road pe ghoomega !!! Tere maa bap ki izzat mitti me milayega !!” (You will roam around on road !!! aren’t you worried about your parents esteem !!!)

WTF !!!

“Ek kaam kar, haat me chullu bhar paani le aur usme doob ke mar ja” (Take handful of water and drown in it)

I had a serious doubt that these 2 brothers are from mars because as long as I had known them; they never did anything which was human because when I came back both the brothers were not there and when they came back I simply asked,

“Kaha gaye they” (Where were you ?)

“Ghoomne gaye they” (We went to roam around)

“Kaha Ghoomne gaye they”, (Where were you roaming ?) I smiled

He realized what am I going to do now so he replied, “Bus me” (In the bus) !!! I expected a reatrded reply like this hence I wasn’t bothered.

Unpleasant incident 3 (The Decider)

Sam was getting married and everyone but me decided to go to his wedding to Gujarat. I went to the office and they were gone before I returned home. When I arrived I came face to face the biggest disgust I have ever faced. They had locked Tommy’s room with every possible thing inside including food raw material. I called Tommy,

“Why have you locked the door”, I first asked coolly

“It was everybody’s judgment”, he said calmly

“What about food stuff, what If I need something which you have locked up ?”, I raised an uncertainty

“We have left enough food for you and rest is locked inside”, he elucidated

“What if I want to eat something which is locked ?”

“No you have to eat whatever we left for you, all expensive food stuff is for all and is locked”

“Ok”, there was nothing else to talk about and I hung up

Ayub, Garfield’s batch mate and an wonderful guy used to stay alone, when he learnt that the door is locked and food is inside, he was fuming, livid like hell, he wanted to smash the door open and wanted to teach them a lesson but I reassured him and resolute that it’s time to tell them goodbye.

“Where will you stay”, Ayub asked

“With you”, I beamed

“That’s a great thought !! I also was thinking of changing my room”

It was decided and we found a stunning place, we were waiting for the bunch of Moron to return.

“I am shifting with Ayub”, I told everyone the first thing before even asking how was the wedding.

No one was even disturbed apart from Tommy, he came to me and told,

“I hope you know whom are you shifting with”, he tried to bend me because if I leave their rent will amplify

“I don’t know that but I know this for sure that he will be 100 times better then you all”


Naresh said...

Getting the right roommates is a luck..

Piyush said...

dost, you were in a museum not at some home :)