Chapter 25: The Moron 5

 

In next to no time it was the conclusion of an era, it was end of the college and we were all free birds, no more studies. I was the happiest person because I need not struggle for the job anymore because in last chapter I got one . I had 4 months to go to my home town and come back to join the Joke Factory. Time flew away like a snap of a finger and I was all over again all set to be back in Bangalore but since NM, Rambo and Patti all were into different jobs now; I had no place to go to. I asked Deeps to look out for a PG, which is the most unfortunate place you can ever get in to live. She confirmed that she has found a place. I was thrilled to go to the office and with the same exhilaration I landed in Bangalore where Deeps welcomed me with very unpleasant news, the PG she booked is no longer available, I was pissed. It was 6 pm in the evening and I had no place to stay ?

What am I gonna do ??

Either I could have gone to a hotel or to an acquaintance from the college for few days. At the moment there was only one such group which was residing in Bangalore, “The Moron 5”. The story behind Moron 5 was that each member of this group was either a discard from their college group or was a loner. All rejects got together and created a fresh group which I named “Moron 5” and please DO NOT mistake it with “Maroon 5” . I was least interested in going to that house because 3 out of 5 people residing in that house were declared mentally unfit by 85% of the college and for this very reason they are living together because they only could have tolerated each other.

I was left with no other option but to go and live with these people, out of these 5; 2 were my good friends and in fact were nice people too, I am still unable to comprehend how they ended up in that group, may be because they were loner.

# Garfield – A civilized and a great guy, he was classmate of Rambo.

# Sam – My batch mate, one more gujju directly from Gujarat, again a well-mannered guy.

# Romeo – My College senior, not a great guy but I never hated him because he never was harmful to me.

# Tommy – My batch mate, then my junior, the weirdest guy I have ever met, he had few things which makes him unreservedly hideous human being

# He thinks knows he is the best.

# He will not allow you to lay a hand on any of his stuff.

# He thinks he is the most attractive guy alive.

# He will not have any gratefulness towards any help he gets, on the other hand he thinks that the person is blessed to help him, no one gets that kind of opportunity in a lifetime.

# At present it has been almost 4-5 years since he left college and he hasn’t looked for a job just because no one offers a job for 100 thousand bucks a month to a fresher.

# Last and most essential thing, he claims that he is so fearless that he can shout at anyone anytime; but only behind their back

# Chacha – My college senior, I never got to know why he was named this but let me tell you, if I hated anyone in my life then this guy rules the list by miles. He is the most,

· Disgusting

· Mean

· Arrogant

· Dirty, he does not wash his clothes just because if you wash clothes they will be ruined !!! I still remember the horrible smell from his bed sheet which wasn’t washed from 2 years.

Person I have ever seen. He self declared himself the local guardian to all other who were staying in the house. I stayed with them probably 5 years before but I am still so angry with them that I cant even describe.

# Ayub – He wasn’t part of the Moron 5 but he used to visit this house just for food.

I determined to settle up into their house for a week or so until I find a permanent accommodation but Garfield then persuaded me that I can continue here forever. I was convinced on 3 circumstances,

# I did not have to chip in for any advance capital towards the house since it was already paid by Moron 5

# I get to stay with people I know, I just cannot stay alone.

# I get to eat home cooked food

Moron 5 hired a chef to cook for them. Everyone had to pay the equal share but whatever will be cooked will be chacha’s choice because he is not too comfortable with many vegetables !!

Let me rephrase that “he was not too comfortable with any vegetables”, therefore daily it used to be potato.

As anticipated within few days Chacha started showing his true colours, I got to know that for some bizarre reason everyone is terrified of Chacha and blindly follow whatever he says. Whenever we were in a disagreement every single moron used to support Chacha even if he was wrong, which he used to be on 200% times. Before coming to this house I was a very modest person and never said NO to anyone but for ever and a day I am thankful to these people because they taught me how to say NO.

Unpleasant incident 1

I organise a cricket strategy game which includes money, I used to call it cricket betting. It involved loads of MS excel usage. I used Garfield’s laptop to do that and when Chacha came to know,

“Ye sab satta watta ghar me nahi chalega, ye shareef logo ka ghar hai” (Take this cricket betting out of the house, this is a house where only well-brought-up people stay), he scolded me

I looked at his face and replied, “Sirf roommate ki tarah raho baap banne ki koshish mat karo” (Be a roommate and don’t try to become my father)

Small incidents like this used to happen every single day

Unpleasant incident 2

Chacha’s brother had come to visit us and I am sorry to say that he is a bigger idiot then Chacha. On a Sunday morning I was getting ready to go and meet Deeps, all of a sudden Chacha’s bro came and asked,

“Kaha Jaa raha hai” (Where are you going)

“Ghoomne” (To roam around)

“Kaha ghoomega ?” (Where will you roam around)

I was pissed by now, “Road pe” (On the Road)

“Road pe ghoomega !!! Tere maa bap ki izzat mitti me milayega !!” (You will roam around on road !!! aren’t you worried about your parents esteem !!!)

WTF !!!

“Ek kaam kar, haat me chullu bhar paani le aur usme doob ke mar ja” (Take handful of water and drown in it)

I had a serious doubt that these 2 brothers are from mars because as long as I had known them; they never did anything which was human because when I came back both the brothers were not there and when they came back I simply asked,

“Kaha gaye they” (Where were you ?)

“Ghoomne gaye they” (We went to roam around)

“Kaha Ghoomne gaye they”, (Where were you roaming ?) I smiled

He realized what am I going to do now so he replied, “Bus me” (In the bus) !!! I expected a reatrded reply like this hence I wasn’t bothered.

Unpleasant incident 3 (The Decider)

Sam was getting married and everyone but me decided to go to his wedding to Gujarat. I went to the office and they were gone before I returned home. When I arrived I came face to face the biggest disgust I have ever faced. They had locked Tommy’s room with every possible thing inside including food raw material. I called Tommy,

“Why have you locked the door”, I first asked coolly

“It was everybody’s judgment”, he said calmly

“What about food stuff, what If I need something which you have locked up ?”, I raised an uncertainty

“We have left enough food for you and rest is locked inside”, he elucidated

“What if I want to eat something which is locked ?”

“No you have to eat whatever we left for you, all expensive food stuff is for all and is locked”

“Ok”, there was nothing else to talk about and I hung up

Ayub, Garfield’s batch mate and an wonderful guy used to stay alone, when he learnt that the door is locked and food is inside, he was fuming, livid like hell, he wanted to smash the door open and wanted to teach them a lesson but I reassured him and resolute that it’s time to tell them goodbye.

“Where will you stay”, Ayub asked

“With you”, I beamed

“That’s a great thought !! I also was thinking of changing my room”

It was decided and we found a stunning place, we were waiting for the bunch of Moron to return.

“I am shifting with Ayub”, I told everyone the first thing before even asking how was the wedding.

No one was even disturbed apart from Tommy, he came to me and told,

“I hope you know whom are you shifting with”, he tried to bend me because if I leave their rent will amplify

“I don’t know that but I know this for sure that he will be 100 times better then you all”

Chapter 18: Goodbye Hostel

 

Say Yes or no, say yes or no, this was the only fixation that was going on in Apsara and Deeps head. It was hard to decipher what to do with their love life but Apsara understood it almost immediately and declared clearly to NM that nothing can ever happen between them. NM could not digest this, they had a big fight, NM tried hard to sway her but Apsara was immovable on her judgment. Sooner NM succumbed to Apsara’s NO. It was now Rambo’s chance to get things alright for his mate. Rambo was from MCA, NM and Rambo were die hard friends, they could have been a couple if any of them was of an opposite gender.

Rambo spoke to Apsara and even upon consistent negative response from her; Rambo just kept pleading Apsara to give NM one final opportunity. Apsara was still obstinate on her choice; she went to NM for final break-up but little did she know that she was going right into the ambush by Rambo and NM. NM said few dialogues which Rambo taught him, a little bit of crying and BAAAMMMMMM, poor Apsara fell into the trap and ended up saying YES to NM instead of pre-decided NO. NM became a hero overnight in his own eyes, he almost got his victory published in the newspaper, more or less everyone knew about it as well as Anky. Anky was not all right, Anky was livid, Anky was infuriated because it was same Apsara who was trying to demolish his relationship but when got a chance for herself; she did not let the opportunity go. Anky got the intelligence from Deeps that Apsara is going to say no to NM which reassured him but when he heard that she has said Yes; he hated her from the bottom of his heart.

*******************

After the happiest day it took me 43 cry sessions, a constant fight with Apsara syndrome and 6 more months to influence Deeps for wedding. So people who are mad with her about her marriage decision; it wasn’t her choice; I drove her crazy to say YES

After all this I had to take a key decision because after her conformity it was no good to stay so far from her. So I started working on a plan. The mission was to get out of the hostel and rent a room outside near the city so that it will be easy for us to meet up.

I alone could not have afforded the rented house, I was in love not crazy !! I was looking for a partner and I had one, NM. He was all set to shift out with me for obvious reasons. We began the house hunting. We found countless places but they all were suffering with the same crisis, all were out of our budget, even if we split it wasn’t possible to pay for the house just by 2 of us. We needed more people; we needed at least 2 more guys to move in with us so that we can divide the rent with no trouble. NM of course recommended his best buddy Rambo which I approved but we were still short of 1 more name and THEN NM suggested a controversial name, Patti. I promptly said no, I was prepared to stay back in hostel but living with him again was out of question.

Patti and I were roommates from 2^nd semester, everything was going pretty well but sooner there were lots of differences that aroused between us. We hated each other. We stayed together in one room for close to 2 years but we spoke only for say, 6 months !! And after superman incident, it was a big No No.

“Over my dead body” I said

They tried everything on me but nothing worked out and then when I saw that if we don’t take him then there is no way we can shift, I had to concur. To me more important was love then abhorrence. We settled on a house in KS Layout, the rent was sharable and the locality was amazing. A commodity store was positioned just under the house with a Rent-o-DVD store directly opposite, moreover, it was just 5 km from her house.

We decided to shift as soon as possible but there was one trouble, we did not have any furniture. The house where  we were moving to also offered nothing. It looked like we must shell out no less than 2-3 k additionally for buying essential furniture, unless ……

“Unless what”, NM asked

“Unless we use the same table chairs what we are using already”, I sounded crooked

“What !!”

“I mean we will shift and we will take the chairs and table with us what is given to us in hostel”

A bright plan but to accomplish it, we required precision,

1. We will call 2 tempos to move our bits and pieces

“Why 2”, NM interrupted

“Yaar tu sawal bahut poochta hai !!! For diversion” (you ask way too many questions)

“??”

2. 1^st tempo will come and stand in front of the hostel main gate in which we will load our personal belongings

3. The additional tempo will secretly position itself on the backside of the hostel where all illegal stuff like table, chair and stools will be loaded. Everyone will be paying attention to the front gate and we will come out clean on the 2^nd one.

4. We have to implement this at the time of warden shift change because at shift change the hostel is unguarded for at least an hour.

The day arrived and we were in absolute control. Everything was going as per the plan. Both the vehicles were loaded with the relevant possessions. I was a little gloomy, I wanted to take something more. I wanted my 7 feet godrej cabinet too. I think I became a little too greedy.

“Abay charas kha ke baitha hai kya, pagal ho gaya hai” (Have you done marijuana ? Are you crazy ?), Rambo rebuked

“No I have to have it, it’s precious”

“No way you can have it”, said exasperated NM

“No I want it, let’s get it”, I said and went inside to get the cabinet

“Help me”, I asked Rambo, NM, Patti and Arnold

I sought for their support and they lifted, not the cupboard but me. I cried and bellowed but they did not pay any attention. They dropped me into one of the vehicle and asked driver to go on a full speed. I was sad, till today I am sad, I should have got that cabinet. I kept looking at the hostel until it disappeared. Well it was time to move on, Deeps and Apsara were in high spirits that we guys made it out of the hostel because that way we can have more gatherings.

The same day Deeps arrived in the evening and she had an assignment for me,

“Get ready and let’s go”, she said

“Go where ??”, I enquired

“You have to meet my cousin, your first meeting with any of my family”

My jaw dropped, “How ?? Why ?? What ??”

“Yes, if we have to get married then we have to accomplish things this way”

“Ok ok let me get ready, but who is she ?”

“Her name is Archi”, she said in a spooky tone

And I went “Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooo, I am already scared”

Chapter 16: Did she say Yes ??

 

Unexpectedly my life had a different implication to it. That tiny ray of hope on college day gave me a gigantic boost to look forward for excellent things. Things which looked not so bright for quite a while unveiled quiet dramatically. It was commencement of 4th semester and I was just back from Jaipur. I think it was the fifth day since my return, a fatiguing opening day of 4th semester took a toll on my body, I succumbed to sleep at around 10 in the night which was way too early.

Someone is screaming my name “Anky, Get up and come out”,

Am I dreaming ? There seem to be too many people, but where ?

I got up in fright. I looked around but it was just me in the dark room.

I think it was a delusion, but wait, someone banging the door of my room “Anky, get up”

I got up and unbolted the door, it was VK and behind him there were 20-30 juniors, my juniors who were in conflict. They were holding on to something and were completely pissed. Before I could be aware of anything Patti came face to face to me and yelled,

“Why the hell did you give photographs to Deeps ?”

I was still half asleep but I managed to retort, “What photos are you talking about ?”

“The photos where all our juniors are posed as Superman”, he spat his rage on me.

It quickly struck to me and my stomach lurched,

In 3rd semester few of us (Excluding me) carried out a very comical ragging session, in that meeting we asked every junior to pretence as superman. In short, they had to be dressed in their underwear over their jeans and tuck a towel on their shoulder for the cape. In no time there were roughly 30 Superman in different colors and sizes, lined up in front of their dementors. As if it was not good enough for dementors; they decided to make it a remembrance and clicked few pictures of them. I don’t know who sought those pictures and whose proposal it was but it was done on Patti’s camera. Now somehow those pictures ended up with Deeps who was uninformed that with all other pictures “Superman” pictures are also up for the show. She used to take the college bus and she happened to share the seat with a junior girl Harshika (Name changed) who again “happened” to be the classmate of most of the supermans in the shoot. So when Deeps and Harshika were going through those pictures, out of the blue they met with a queue of supermans and the Harshika burst into laughter. Deeps did not find it hilarious because she did not identify anyone but Harshika recognized almost all. Listening to her vociferous laugh, more girls and guys in the bus came to witness those pictures and rest was history. The following whole day, week and month; every superman faced the finest awkward time of their life. The same day when they were a subject of laughter all over the college; in the evening it was Patti’s turn to get the bashings because it was his camera which took those breath-taking pictures.

“I did not give any picture to anyone”, I clarified while rubbing my eyes, still trying to come to life

But soon the flock of juniors came close to my room. And as soon as they grasped that it was me who gave all the pictures to Deeps, which resulted in their attractiveness in no good sense; they started shrieking on me and demanded an explanation. Before I could explicate the correct picture; some of my divine batch mates came for the rescue and joined the juniors. They began to recite the same song what juniors were singing. VK came to salvage me and shooed everyone away. I went back to my room and tried to sleep but sleep was miles away,

How the hell can I cause such a gaffe, I need to find the truth.

Later next day, upon uncovering the truth everyone realized that the film roll was handed to Deeps by Patti much before I came back from Jaipur. He gave it to her because she lived in city and to get film roll developed will be a painless chore for her. She did her job but the only 2 slip-up she did was that,

# She looked at the pics, and

# She was my “girlfriend”

I met her that day and discussed this matter briefly, my main aim for that day was to get involved in her thoughts and try to get as much information as possible so that I can make her value why it will be good if we get together. I tried a lot but she was obstinate on the answer no, I explained her a lot, I explained how much I care for her and how happy we will be but the answer remain un-changed. I did not understand, I concluded that the college day message was just to cool me down and nothing more. I guess I lost it again, I was drained of explaining her and I also was tired of crying. Yes I cried A LOT in front of her so that she will melt and say yes but no she was a ROBOT.

I decided to give up because it was already 6 months since I proposed her and it did not seem to be working out from any direction. I spoke to Arnold, I used to tell him everything, we were best buddies,

“She will not say yes, I am quitting”, I said with a disheartened expression

“Don’t you quit or you will never get her”, he showed some anger

“No, I cannot do this anymore”, and I succumbed to sleep, I was mentally tired.

Next day it was a regular day, I was getting organized for the college and surprisingly I heard “Anky Phone”

That’s weird !! Who can it be now ??

I reached down to the phone, I held the handset against my ear and said “Hello”

“Hey it’s me”, it was Deeps

“Hey what’s the matter, are you not coming to the college ?”, I speculated

“No I am coming but this isn’t about that”

“Okkkkk, so what is it about ?”, me sounded absolutely confused

“Anky I am also into it”

“What do you mean by that”, I scratched my head

“Anky I am also into it what you are into me”

I missed a heartbeat, is this it ?? Am I dead ? Am I in heaven where my last desire is about to become a reality ? I gathered all my nerves one more time and asked,

“Are you saying that you are in love with me ??”, I asked calmly

“No I am just into it”, she recited

What ??

“I also like you a lot, I gave it a lot of thought and resoluted to tell you this”, she clarified

“So you are also into “it” but you don’t love me”, I was completely clueless by now

“Yes”

What the F%$& !!!!

“Let’s speak in the college today about it”, she said and hung-up

I stood there for 1 complete minute with the phone receiver still attached to my ear. I was trying to figure what the hell just happened ??

Did she say yes ??

Chapter 14: The Proposal

 

"Can we get married?”

She turned towards me, saw my face in a slight repugnance. She did not know how to respond but she understood and may be she saw it coming. She grasped the situation, took 2 moments to react as if she could not identify what is happening, as if I was pulling her leg. Her face gave me a What-The-Fuck expression!! She stared me for few moments and then she smirked sardonically and said,

"Very funny !! Obviously Not"

I expected this and for that same reason I did not reiterate myself. I was glad that I came over the first, most significant and the toughest obstacle. Now I required to nourish the seed which I just sowed in her mind. I wanted that seed to nurture and become an established notion.

My bus was approaching. I saw her off, we exchanged smiles as the bus vanished around the corner. I was relieved a bit but at the same time I was feeling awful too because I never thought what she might feel. I was all of a sudden blameworthy of something which I did not mean, something which I committed just now. But again I thought that if she had taken this the other way then she would have blasted me off instead of giving me a smile. I was slight comforted but little shaken. I decided to keep my cool and work my plan out further. I was glad that I let it all out and was anxious because she did not react. Reaction was essential, either affirmative or downbeat, I guess I have to wait.

I reached hostel and went straight to my room but something was out of the ordinary. There was no one in my room. At this time of any day my room as a rule turns into a Casino with couple of group of 4 playing 29, with light music and lots and lots of roaring. But it was all not there and that was not at all normal!! Something undeniably was wrong. So I went to the next room and to my surprise same result!! This room was also uninhabited,

Where is everybody!!

And unexpectedly I heard yelling from the room at the end of the lobby. The room belonged to Gujju Dementors. I had to find out what's wrong. I began pacing towards the room. The screaming and yelling amplified steadily. I could make out that there were lots of people because it sounded not 1 or 2 people. The moment I reached near the room, there were people lined outside the room and they were looking at something. The panorama appeared like a murder/accident scene where people surround the body and look at it. Our hostel already had a history of 3-4 deaths in recent past. That very second I shuddered with fear. I was convinced that today 1 Gujju is long gone in that room but then I heard,

But if it’s so why they are yelling !!!

"Abay Shah aagey dekh nahi to marega" (Look in front or else you will be slaughtered), Chuchu shouted

This is not what I am thinking!!!

Right away I shifted few people and tried to get hang of the situation. I was astonished to see nearly 50 people stuffed in that room eye witnessing the most breathtaking occurrence in the history of the hostel. 50 odd people were ogling the computer screen while 2 guys controlling the happening on the screen. Shah was scheming the mouse/keyboard while Chauhan was serving him with additional keys on the keyboard, together they were part of the history, they were playing the most recent sensation, The Tomb Raider.

People were there for many reasons, some were “let your imagination run riot” about Lara croft's body whereas some were there for clean entertainment because it was like a perfect action packed movie which they can be in charge of. The game was on but Shah and Chauhan were having a difficult time, not because of the intricacy of the game but due to the coaching they were getting from the throng,

"Abay M****C*** (Bad word) seedha kar nahi to gir jayegi wo" (Get her straight if not she will plunge down), Dhar screamed when Lara croft began to tip riskily towards left on the pole she was walking.

"Bhai log mujhe pata hai, please gali mat do" (I know whats happening but please don’t abuse), pleaded Shah while turning back to the masses.

"Abay kutte aage dekh wo aa gaya Lara croft ka sasur" (You dog!! concentrate on the screen, Lara Croft's father-in-law is here)

Shah and Chauhan started combating it out with the baddie but quickly began loosing and Lara croft's health bar turned from Green to Orange to RED, indicating that she is about to depart this life,

"B****** Ke (Bad Word) Chauhan, saale maar na use" (Hit him Chauhan or else she will die), Mahajan yelled in annoyance.

Chauhan turned around and gave him a dreadful stare because just few days before Chauhan used to be the official dementor of Mahajan but things were changed,

"Abay meri shakal kya dekh raha hai .... screen pe dekh Lara Croft ka balaatkar ho raha hai" (What are you looking at my face focus on the screen Lara Croft is getting raped), Mahajan bellowed for a second time

Shah turned back again and shouted,

“Saale kisi ne bhi gaali di to bahut bura hoga” (If someone abuses now, the result will be terrible)

“B****** Ke (Bad Word) agar Lara Croft ko kuch hua to tera kya kya hoga wo to abhi mujhe bhi nahi pata but itna pata hai jo bhi hoga bahut dardnaak hoga” (If something happens to Lara croft then I can’t tell you what all can occur with you but whatever will happen it will be agonizing), Ali retorted.

The oomph in the room was so forceful that both Shah and Chauhan had to play like they were playing for their existence. They had to save the game from getting over because if it gets over those 50 spectators will start linking themselves with Shah and Chauhan’s family. Both played until it was late evening and one by one each bystander left for the dinner. Shah and Chauhan took a deep breath of relief, it was a worst nightmare for them. They started playing the game for fun but they soon became amusement for others.

I took my plate and went to have dinner, thinking of the next day. I was waiting to meet her the next day in the college. I was curious to learn what does she think about today,

She still think that it was a joke!! But should I ask her so soon or should I hang around for this thought to settle in her mind first. I guess I had to be patient again for my next move.

Chapter 11: We lost Cricket World cup finals, Damn it.

Third Semester started with a breaking news that Patti who was a day scholar till now have decided to move into the hostel . This was great news because now the back bench group could always be together in the hostel. Patti entered in the hostel with bursting enthusiasm. Patti was greeted in the hostel with ostentatious celebration.

Ummm not this majestic but we had an arrangement for him . All of us in the hostel had gone through extensive amount of agonizing ragging, thanks to the dementors like Chu Chu, Acharya and Dhar. They made us STRONG. Yes strong, we strongly hated them and we could not digest that someone tries to skip that and get into the hostel when all is ended. Anyways when he entered inside the hostel all dementors called him and took his introduction and assigned him a job to memorize the names of all the dementors. He was given me, Arnold and Mahajan to assist him with the names. He was unquestionably in excellent hands . We gave him all the accurate names apart from one. We told him that the name of one important dementor is Chaman (Means stupid). He wasn’t very sure because he sensed something was fishy but because he was new, he had to abide by what we say, so he committed the name to his memory.

Have you ever come across the situation when you took a tough method to face the trouble and your co-worker took a shortcut to face the same problem without any pain? And later He/She laughs on your face proving that you were a looser, look at me I accomplished the same with no dilemma. I am talking about the pleasure when their shortcut bites them in their ass . It was pleasurable to see Dementors molesting Patti just because of Chaman.

Cricket fever was going on because cricket world cup was happening and the exhilaration was there because India made it to the finals. The opponent was 2 time world cup victors Australia. But we were self-assured that India will come out clean and will overpower Australia to lift the cup . The match could only be watched at the hostel recreation room where a television set was kept. This television set showed only solitary channel, Doordarshan. It was ok until and unless match is on it. The recreation room was jam packed and those who did not get seats were standing and watching the game.

         Match began with a balanced Australia Batting. Srinath came to bowl 7th over and got hit for 16 runs, straight away people started relating themselves with his mother and sisters but this was just a start. India went on yielding easy runs and Australia kept on scoring until in 13th over Harbhajan claimed Gilchrist’s wicket. As Doordarshan showed Gilchrist walking back to pavilion, people in the hostel recreation room in fact started spitting on the television and showed Gilchrist their middle finger. Anyways then came the captain Ponting and rest became history, later in that complete Australian innings we heard things like,

Rest of the hostel to Bhutani (He is from Delhi), “Saale Nehra ko ghar pe baitha ke pakode banwa usse, bowling uske bas ki baat nahi hai” (Ask Nehra to cook pakodas n the house, he can’t bowl for nuts)

Rest of the hostel to Arnold and other kannadigas on each occasion when Srinath was hit for a boundary and he was hit A LOT, “Abay Srinath to spinner hai fir ye fast bowling karane ki koshish kyo kar raha hai, samjha na usko kannada me” (Why Srinath is trying to bowl fast, isn’t he a spinner ?? Go make him understand this in kannada)

Rest of the hostel to Shah (He is from Gujrat), “Ye Zaheer khan ko paisa de ke national team me bharti karwaye ho kya ??” (Have you guys bribed Indian cricket selection board to take Zaheer Khan ?)

Complete hostel to Ponting on his each boundary, I truly can’t write what all Ponting had to hear that day but think of this that on his each boundary he was gaining plenty of relatives from our hostel, particularly son-in-laws and fathers because weirdly that day each person was after his daughter and his mother !!!

But that was not it, people were still upbeat that even after posing a mammoth total Indian batsmen can still retaliate. Indian innings instigated with the plunge of Sachin Tendulkar in very first over. Abruptly there was a rampage in the recreation room, half the crowd instead of cursing Tendulkar and Mcgrath, cursed Tendulkar and Mcgrath’s mothers for no reason and left the scene. After a short time it looked like India is fighting back. People who were still expectant were motionless and people who left after Sachin’s wicket came back when they heard that India is recovering. But sooner it was evident that this is no contest, it’s just a one sided match .

As soon as last Indian wicket was chopped down each hostelite went wild , they broke all the stools and they tore out all the posters in the activity room. Some even tried assaulting the television but warden came for its rescue and little did he know that if not TV then it will be him, in fury crowd gave him respectable thrashings. All came to know about that when warden was frantically looking for the wrongdoers with a left black-and-blue eye and a puffed-up right cheek .

Well he did not get anyone because he could not recognize anyone that day but he kept looking for the grounds and circumstances to confront any of the hostelite. Atlast he got that opportunity, me, Arnold, Mahajan and Ghosh regularly fantasise about the wonderful coconuts on the coconut estate next to our college and one bright evening we decided to catch flavour of some. We made 2 teams of 2, me and Ghosh, Arnold and Mahajan. We entered into the estate and went in 2 separate directions and contracted to notify each other if someone comes by. The goal was to gather as many coconuts as possible and get out of there in no time, then relish them back inside the hostel the entire late afternoon. We arrived at our first stop where these 6 incredible green coconuts were inviting us like Smriti Virani used to invite inside her house in Kyonki saas bhi kabhi bahu thi start off credits. 1 and 2 and 3, we picked 3 stunning coconuts. All of a sudden I heard a grave noise “THUD” and next moment I could sense a blinding pain on my left butt. The caretaker of the estate was standing right behind me and he caught us red handed, he spanked me with a long stick. Ghosh blocked him before he could give me any more blows. I was thinking what the hell, why didn’t they alert us!!! The caretaker was busy in shouting on us but me and Ghosh eye witnessed something extraordinary, I have seen Usain Bolt running and I have also seen Vampires run with a speed of light in English movies but I undoubtedly remember that, that day Arnold and Mahajan did not even come for our rescue but they ran, they ran for their existence . Even if there was a vampire there that day, that also could not have beaten them. Both of them were like “Jesse Mach” (The rider of Street Hawk), the only difference was that they needed no street hawk.

Chapter 10: Fugitive Aunty

I never told her that I am in love with her. Just my heart knew it. There still were way many considerations which I required to consider of if I wanted the love marriage, to be very accurate, Inter-caste love marriage. Sounds intimidating ?? Hearing so many things like honor killing these days? YES it was scary . I wanted to ensure if she is the right girl who could fit into my world and in my people. Will she be blissful with me and will keep me and my parents happy ??? So I decided to give me some additional time before I could launch my verdict onto her. For next few days I was in the process of evaluating her, I was posing various categories of direct and oblique questions which could give me a straight judgment. Questions like, “What do you think of Inter-caste marriages”, “Do you like north-Indian food” blah blah blah. I went on and on and on and on and first round result was out, after processing all the reactions and answers from her I was standing in front of a BIG NO . But I was/am not a quitter , if I wish for something I make sure I get it. But I had to lay my further love valuation lower in the priority for few days because,

Reason No. 1 – No one was after her and she did not have any boyfriend, everybody was still attracted to Apsara, which means I was in safe hands .

Reason No. 2 – 2nd semester assessments were impending and I had to keep up my 1 semester’s performance.

It was study time in the entire hostel. People used to come out just at the mealtime or to take a break to go to the Somnhalli Gate to indulge in god’s devotion in Ranjani Bar because after 2 pegs everybody makes directly to a single destination described as “heaven”. I think it was 15 days ahead of the exams and lecturers were trying hard to complete the lessons so that students get supplementary time for revision. On one rainy Wednesday evening we returned from college and noticed something extremely awful within the hostel. There was a sense of chaos and we heard people shouting . Hostel was in totally baffling state. We could not comprehend what was the dilemma so we went into our rooms to find some rest. We studied for few hours till it was suppertime. Routinely we took our plates and went en route for the hostel-mess. When we arrived, the panorama of the canteen was not amusing, the canteen was uninhabited and there was nothing except for tables and stool. Everything had vanished, no vessels, no food and no aunty!!

We instantaneously got in touch with hostel representative and he made us aware that Aunty, the food in charge, from last week was making plans to take a trip to her hometown and for the same reason she was borrowing cash from nearly every student who could lend her some money. She said that she has to buy gifts for her family and that’s why she needs plenty of money. Since she was a trusted known face people did lend her a generous amount of currency ranging from 500/- to 10,000 rupees. And Aunty, who worked out a brilliant plan, gathered everything and fled!!! Yes she collected every valuable and went absconding. The evening chaos was from people who lost their money. They started getting their hands on whatever they could locate left in Aunt’s room. So the message for us was unambiguous that there will be no food for a blurred period of time. It was very well for us because it gave us a certified explanation to request for extra money from the house and the best part; we can go out and eat at the close by dhaba every single day .

After 2 days it was all settled down but few people started strolling in the hallways like zombies . They could not sleep because of their loss. They were hassled because they were not able to give attention to studies for the approaching theory tests. They were still hopeful that Aunty might turn up in front of them, dressed up like goddess Lakshmi (in front of a halogen lamp which will illuminate her appearance) and hand out their money back but that doesn’t happen anymore!! Does it?

But the days of calamity had just begun. Within next 2 day since aunty fled, the adjacent or you can say hostel’s power source transformer was busted. A truck crashed into it, the estimate time to bring it to the working state was 7-8 days which in simple English implies, we were COMPLETELY fucked up for next 7-8 days, No Food, No Power and if their is no power how can water be pumped, so no water either, not even drinking water. So you could visualize the 2 different people in 2 tremendously different situations at the same time,

    

Those 7 days were the most dreadful days in the hostel. People made provisions for unusual things, some tried taking bath at the nearby polytechnic college and some did not bother (meaning they did not take bath for 7 days) . The entire hostel started sleeping on the terrace under open sky. Charlie, one of our inmates, used to light up mosquito coil on the terrace to get rid of mosquitoes, funny guy isn’t he !!

Those days soon got over and everyone was looking ahead for the exams. We had lab external examinations which went pretty well. In those laboratory examinations we discovered the person with incredible cleverness , it was Thapa. There was an experiment in the physics lab in which you need to uncover the frequency of the tuning fork by changing the water level in the water container till you come across the perfect resonance when tuning fork is smacked on the table and held over the water level.

You will be given any of the shown tuning forks and by adjusting the level of water bit by bit and looking for the correct sound which will present the frequency of the given fork. Thapa was dazzling in dark novelties , criminal mind to be very specific. Rather than taking all the pain of fine-tuning the water and listening to the sound on every occasion, he memorized frequency of each fork against its length !!! And Bingo !!! In the external lab when he was given a fork and guess what he did the first thing ?? He just measured its length and as soon as he had its length he knew its frequency and he knew what water level will give him the accurate sound . Thapa passed that lab with flying colors . Thapa was that kind of human who had loads of intelligence but it was completely used for wickedness. In one more occurrence he disagreed with his lecturer in external lab of C++. His lecturer said that the program he has written is acceptable but he said not its not because output is not in sync with the input he has given, Its not the same output (what he memorized) for the input (he memorized) and hence program is not right !!

Exams went sound and 2nd semester finished with an elevated morale. I had 2 complete days in the train to dwell on my subsequent move in the next semester to carry on with my one sided love story. It was unmistakable that it is virtually impossible but I had to make it happen anyhow .