Chapter 30 – The Bangalore Wedding

The stage was set and everyone was excited for the ultimate day of first of the two weddings. My folks; 10 of them landed in Bangalore to show up for the wedding ceremony. They were only 10 because Kapoors just wanted to display their presence at the Bangalore bridal because according to them the actual wedding would take place in Jaipur . So just for sake of courtesy few of my uncle, aunts and cousins made it to the 1^st marriage ceremony.

Natrajans sent few of their kinsfolks to welcome Kapoors at the airport. Kapoors were received with garland and music band, precisely how they show in the movies. But to me it looked fusion of 2 poles apart ethnicities because, one the composition played by the band resembled more of a traditional south Indian wedding day melody and 2^nd the garlands were so small that it looked like that Kapoors have arrived to Hawaii.

Natrajans had sent 3 cars to pick all them up. Kapoors soon after a theatrical welcome began their voyage to the centre of the Bangalore. Most of the Kapoors were visiting the Bangalore for the first time and did not know the magnitude of the difference in road travel between Jaipur and Bangalore. People who have experienced journey to the old Airport in Bangalore would appreciate the following piece of writing. The three wagons started at around 7 pm in the evening en route for a plain 15 km distance. It took round about 2.5 hrs to cover that distance. Now by the time we were half way through after roughly 1.5 hrs; all Kapoors including Mr. Kapoor were so aggravated that they practically decided to walk down the remaining trip on which Mr. Natrajan clarified that even if they walk; the car and the stroller would reach at the same time which helped Mr. Kapoor and others to change their mind in a jiffy. After an hour of snail paced journey all of us finally made it to the wedding hall where all of us were given rooms to stay all the way through the wedding period.

The next morning was the wedding day which opened with the breakfast. Since I had an evil experience with the food last time; I took additional measures to alter the menu into an amalgamation of pakodas and Idlis. Not very surprisingly only 1 Idli was consumed in 10 Kapoors. I was having the breakfast with complete indulgence when I saw that all Kapoors were standing close to the hand wash zone and debating on something very grim. When I investigated then I learned that one of my cousins “Akbar” was even bigger menace then my father in food and he was just sickened by the food which was served.

What else he expected ?

The wedding began by getting me prepared in Dhoti and a wraparound for my upper body but due to my muscular body --->

I shillyshallied a bit and I was permitted to wear the vest.

The entire observance was just about mantras and shlokas. One after the other there was a bombardment of rice from different angles from the countless people who were witnessing the carnage of yet another couple. It’s customary to hurl a small amount of rice on the couple which is getting married after a specific word from the Priest/Scholar/Pundit as a blessing. It was only then I comprehended that a lot of people weren’t very cheerful with this wedding of south and north because no less than 3-4 times someone almost poked my eye out with some extreme shots of rice right into my eyes. It took me just those many times to recognize that the safe word is “Swaha”; so whenever the Pundit says “Swaha”; shut your eyes . People tried to hurt me again and I encountered the assault fearlessly.

2 of the 3 Kapoors of one family got along very well with Natrajans because of their talent to communicate in English; apparently not many people can do that; Akbar, Jodha Bai (Akbar’s wife) and Hamida Banu Begam (Akbar’s Mother). Throughout the wedding Akbar and Jodha Bai were the only 2 people who frequently had dialogues with almost all Natrajans otherwise the wedding felt just like a movie theatre where people watch the same show but don’t talk to each other.

The next ritual was the Kashi Yatra, Kashi yatra is the ceremonial where the groom pretends to leave for Kashi, a pilgrimage center to devote himself to God. He carries a walking stick and other meager essentials with him to imply that he is not interested in becoming a householder. The girl's father intervenes and requests him to accept his daughter as his life partner. He exhorts him to fulfill his responsibilities as a householder and thus follow what is written in the scriptures. The groom relents and returns to the pandal where he is received by the bride.

When I came to know about it; a impish plot began to cultivate in my head and I planned to make Natrajans run for their money but I guess Mr. Natrajan understood me too well and held my hand so tight that it turned into a red hand in few seconds but I just knew the instant where the pundit would ask me to go to the pilgrimage. The moment came; as soon as Pundit asked me to leave I shuddered which got me my hand on the loose from Mr. Natrajan’s clutch. As soon as I become conscious that I am free; I sprinted towards the pilgrimage, I just never looked back, I ran and ran till all the roaring and chaos faded away. I stopped and I looked around; the flora and fauna around me went stand still, everyone was looking at me because they had never seen a south Indian groom like this,

running loose like this before. I looked back; 2 of Deeps cousin were galloping towards me and a much acquainted black car of Natrajans pulled over next to me. I sat in the car next to Mr. Natrajan and asked him “Will you again send me to pilgrimage” and I giggled but I guess he almost had a heart attack and did not appreciate the mockery of the event. We came back and I encountered lots and lots of red and yellow faces but later everyone chuckled on what I gave them; I am sure that they have and will never get to witness something like this in their entire lifespan.

The wedding ceremony was completed, we shared the rings, I tied mangalsutra to the bride and we were finished, I mean we were married . People came and passed on good wishes to us and after some more continuing sacraments we were taken to an inside room for lunch along with all close family members of Kapoors and Natrajans. Since the food was not the same for both the families I predicted no complications but how can wedding survive without a toxic snag. One of the Natrajan was speaking to Deeps in Kannada while we were seated down; eavesdropping to which I was broken-hearted because I knew that my kin will not like it. Apparently the cook has misplaced the chapatis that were particularly brought for Kapoors and now they are left with just 8 chapatis and we were 11 counting me in addition. Seeing the sensitivity of the situation Hitler came up with a dazzling strategy. Hitler requested Kapoors that in their ritual this lunch must comprise only rice because anything made of wheat is just not auspicious for today. All Kapoors gave murky looks but what anyone can say against the rituals in India the plot worked and Natrajans just had a narrow escape from what could have been a gruesome incident. Kapoors somehow accomplished the meal and went for a stroll without any delay; understandably; to have actual lunch minus any rituals

The day was concluded and all the guests were gone, it was mounting darkness and soon a roller-coaster journey which lasted a day was finished. I and Deeps were sitting and chatting on the stairs of the community hall where we just got married for the first time. Hitler came and objected that we weren’t still married and hence we are not supposed to be meeting and nattering like this. I made a request Hitler just 2 minutes to have a conversation with my half wife which she approved with an obnoxious stare.

“Congratulations”, exhausted Deeps could not believe that the wedding was through

“Yes, same to you too, barrier 1 of 2 is over, get ready for part 2”, I winked at her

Hitler called Deeps and this time she had to go, I too got up and went to my room. All Kapoors were enthusiastically stuffing their belongings to catch an early morning flight back to Jaipur. I took a deep breath and began pulling my stuff together, after 20 minutes when I was done I just wanted to doze off to the bed. I recollected the entire day and there was a grin on my face, a smile of triumph. I shut my eyes and I went astray in the world of profound siesta.

Chapter 26: The Trap

 

I soon started enjoying the bureaucrat work atmosphere because Joke Factory gave me loads of leisure time, time to relish the paid freedom. I was placed in that very office where Joke Factory had kept a television, perhaps the only great thing ever done to its employees. Initially I was waiting on a word from higher executives about my project allocation but sooner I realized that they have forgotten me !!! 1 month, 2 month and 3 months passed and my daily routine was,

# Come to office and Swipe in

# Go to library and check mails

# Go to cafeteria and have breakfast

# After breakfast go to the recreation room and watch Television all through the day

Official and the social life was going on pretty smooth until Deeps slapped me with a shocker,

“I have told my parents”, she said

“What !!” I almost vomited out the McVeggie burger was clinched on to

“Yes, from last few days they have been talking to people about my wedding, so I had to do something”

“What did you do ?”, I asked curiously

“They told me that a guy is coming tomorrow to see me”

“Ok, then what happened”, I was frightened to ask this question because she might have done Jhansi ki Rani

“I said no, for which my mom was very disappointed and she asked if I was seeing someone”

“Okkkkkk, what happened next ??”

“I said Yes”, she said candidly

And here goes my burger

The burger came soaring out of my mouth, out of the blue all the pleasure turned sore, her parents now know everything and if they are not tolerable about it then they might do something about it. She told me a number of times that her father has loads of contacts, which includes EVERY kind of person.

What if he gets livid ? He might send people to kidnap me or even beat me up !!

“Hey by the way, what does your father think about it”, I asked unnervingly

“He does not know yet”

“What do you think will happen when he will know about us ?”, I was all set for the abduction

“Nothing, he will scold me”, she said dejectedly

“What will happen to me, I mean will he hurt me ?”, I awkwardly posted the question

“Ha ha ha, hey he isn’t like that, you chicken, ha ha ha”, she could not stop laughing when she learnt what was I thinking

“So what now ?” I asked

“Nothing, you have to come to my house and meet them”, she said calmly

My heart sank, I could not think of anything else but me getting beaten up by some goons . I know that she affirmed that her father is not like that but I never said that these assailants will be sent by her father, they will be from Hitler

The day arrived when I was asked to meet her parents,

“Any final minute instructions ?”, I called Deeps and asked

“Just don’t be yourself and rest would be excellent”, she said unperturbedly

I was disgusted because I had to pretend, typically I act dim-witted and I am constantly sarcastic. Plus I was asked to cover my grey hair and put on decent formals. I hated nearly everything about the pre-requisites of the meeting but it had to be done.

I reached her house 10 minutes prior I was supposed to. Since I have been to her house before; it wasn’t intricate for me to locate it. I rang the bell and her father opened the door,

“Hello Sir”, He welcomed me with a immense delight

The reception felt that they already have made a decision that I will their son-in-law and they will just tell me how to handle the wealth they are going to give me, I mean us

I entered and the scene inside was breathtaking because the very picture of it took all my breath away. Deeps was sitting on a chair in a corner and at the centre Hitler sat with a notepad, she wore her emblematic atrocious gaze. It appeared as if it is going to be the most evil interview of my life because Hitler is all set to make an inventory of things based on which I will be thrown out of Deeps existence.

I tried an innocent and a terrified look, the plan was to receive fewer injuries from the brutality I was about to face in next hour.

“Deeps has told us about you and that’s why we wanted to meet you”, future father-in-law was thrilled

“What is your caste”, asked the cold Hitler, suppressing the relieve established by the previous question

“I don’t know ?”, I said,

In my house we never talked regarding caste. I knew I was Hindu but that wasn’t adequate because there are castes inside castes inside castes and EVERY SINGLE SOUL IS SUPPOSED TO KNOW THAT.

“What ?”, Hitler went pale, it was as if I had told that I was already married !! With 2 kids !!

“I mean I am Baniya”, I handled the situation without any delay

“Ok”

Mother-in-law and Father-in-law argued something in Kannada which more or less was “His caste is okay, I have several business clients of the same social group and they are excellent people”.

I guess they chose Kannada to converse because I did not know the language, at least that’s what they thought

After a concise debate in the local lingo which I don’t understand; Hitler turned towards me and asked again

“Your parents sent you to study then why did you do this ?”, she again posed a delicate issue

“It wasn’t deliberate, it just happened”, I tried to dodge the question but she wasn’t convinced

“What about your parents, do they know about it ?”

“Not yet”

Hitler again conversed something in kannada with Deep’s father which was roughly meant “He has no balls to tell his parents, ask him when will he tell his father and see how he will chicken out”

“When will you tell your parents ?”, Father-in-law asked promptly

“If you agree to this relation then I will tell them the next time I will go to my home”, I perfectly played according to their plan, in fact I did not have balls to tell my father yet L

I started learning kannada from the day I landed here; not to make an impression on any girl but to survive well in an unfamiliar land. In 4 years I had managed to understand all but speaking is still a hitch. This effort in learning Kannada was getting paid off today because their plan was,

# They will pose complex questions in front of me

# My responses will be discussed in Kannada among them and since I am a north Indian; I don’t recognize the language + Deepti wasn’t permitted to speak

# Based on the planning they would aim to ambush me

Little did they know that I arrived fully equipped. For each question I had a lip smacking reply standing by for them because I always knew what they are expecting

Quickly the conversation was over and they asked me my house address, the Jaipur’s address. I hesitated,

“I just want to do a light background check for my satisfaction, I have many clients in Jaipur and I will request one of them to do a little enquiry”, Hitler said

I was okay with the justification and gave her my address. Few minutes later I was given some snacks after which I asked to disappear. It wasn’t that terrible, it could have been awful if I had not known Kannada