Chapter 30 – The Bangalore Wedding

The stage was set and everyone was excited for the ultimate day of first of the two weddings. My folks; 10 of them landed in Bangalore to show up for the wedding ceremony. They were only 10 because Kapoors just wanted to display their presence at the Bangalore bridal because according to them the actual wedding would take place in Jaipur . So just for sake of courtesy few of my uncle, aunts and cousins made it to the 1^st marriage ceremony.

Natrajans sent few of their kinsfolks to welcome Kapoors at the airport. Kapoors were received with garland and music band, precisely how they show in the movies. But to me it looked fusion of 2 poles apart ethnicities because, one the composition played by the band resembled more of a traditional south Indian wedding day melody and 2^nd the garlands were so small that it looked like that Kapoors have arrived to Hawaii.

Natrajans had sent 3 cars to pick all them up. Kapoors soon after a theatrical welcome began their voyage to the centre of the Bangalore. Most of the Kapoors were visiting the Bangalore for the first time and did not know the magnitude of the difference in road travel between Jaipur and Bangalore. People who have experienced journey to the old Airport in Bangalore would appreciate the following piece of writing. The three wagons started at around 7 pm in the evening en route for a plain 15 km distance. It took round about 2.5 hrs to cover that distance. Now by the time we were half way through after roughly 1.5 hrs; all Kapoors including Mr. Kapoor were so aggravated that they practically decided to walk down the remaining trip on which Mr. Natrajan clarified that even if they walk; the car and the stroller would reach at the same time which helped Mr. Kapoor and others to change their mind in a jiffy. After an hour of snail paced journey all of us finally made it to the wedding hall where all of us were given rooms to stay all the way through the wedding period.

The next morning was the wedding day which opened with the breakfast. Since I had an evil experience with the food last time; I took additional measures to alter the menu into an amalgamation of pakodas and Idlis. Not very surprisingly only 1 Idli was consumed in 10 Kapoors. I was having the breakfast with complete indulgence when I saw that all Kapoors were standing close to the hand wash zone and debating on something very grim. When I investigated then I learned that one of my cousins “Akbar” was even bigger menace then my father in food and he was just sickened by the food which was served.

What else he expected ?

The wedding began by getting me prepared in Dhoti and a wraparound for my upper body but due to my muscular body --->

I shillyshallied a bit and I was permitted to wear the vest.

The entire observance was just about mantras and shlokas. One after the other there was a bombardment of rice from different angles from the countless people who were witnessing the carnage of yet another couple. It’s customary to hurl a small amount of rice on the couple which is getting married after a specific word from the Priest/Scholar/Pundit as a blessing. It was only then I comprehended that a lot of people weren’t very cheerful with this wedding of south and north because no less than 3-4 times someone almost poked my eye out with some extreme shots of rice right into my eyes. It took me just those many times to recognize that the safe word is “Swaha”; so whenever the Pundit says “Swaha”; shut your eyes . People tried to hurt me again and I encountered the assault fearlessly.

2 of the 3 Kapoors of one family got along very well with Natrajans because of their talent to communicate in English; apparently not many people can do that; Akbar, Jodha Bai (Akbar’s wife) and Hamida Banu Begam (Akbar’s Mother). Throughout the wedding Akbar and Jodha Bai were the only 2 people who frequently had dialogues with almost all Natrajans otherwise the wedding felt just like a movie theatre where people watch the same show but don’t talk to each other.

The next ritual was the Kashi Yatra, Kashi yatra is the ceremonial where the groom pretends to leave for Kashi, a pilgrimage center to devote himself to God. He carries a walking stick and other meager essentials with him to imply that he is not interested in becoming a householder. The girl's father intervenes and requests him to accept his daughter as his life partner. He exhorts him to fulfill his responsibilities as a householder and thus follow what is written in the scriptures. The groom relents and returns to the pandal where he is received by the bride.

When I came to know about it; a impish plot began to cultivate in my head and I planned to make Natrajans run for their money but I guess Mr. Natrajan understood me too well and held my hand so tight that it turned into a red hand in few seconds but I just knew the instant where the pundit would ask me to go to the pilgrimage. The moment came; as soon as Pundit asked me to leave I shuddered which got me my hand on the loose from Mr. Natrajan’s clutch. As soon as I become conscious that I am free; I sprinted towards the pilgrimage, I just never looked back, I ran and ran till all the roaring and chaos faded away. I stopped and I looked around; the flora and fauna around me went stand still, everyone was looking at me because they had never seen a south Indian groom like this,

running loose like this before. I looked back; 2 of Deeps cousin were galloping towards me and a much acquainted black car of Natrajans pulled over next to me. I sat in the car next to Mr. Natrajan and asked him “Will you again send me to pilgrimage” and I giggled but I guess he almost had a heart attack and did not appreciate the mockery of the event. We came back and I encountered lots and lots of red and yellow faces but later everyone chuckled on what I gave them; I am sure that they have and will never get to witness something like this in their entire lifespan.

The wedding ceremony was completed, we shared the rings, I tied mangalsutra to the bride and we were finished, I mean we were married . People came and passed on good wishes to us and after some more continuing sacraments we were taken to an inside room for lunch along with all close family members of Kapoors and Natrajans. Since the food was not the same for both the families I predicted no complications but how can wedding survive without a toxic snag. One of the Natrajan was speaking to Deeps in Kannada while we were seated down; eavesdropping to which I was broken-hearted because I knew that my kin will not like it. Apparently the cook has misplaced the chapatis that were particularly brought for Kapoors and now they are left with just 8 chapatis and we were 11 counting me in addition. Seeing the sensitivity of the situation Hitler came up with a dazzling strategy. Hitler requested Kapoors that in their ritual this lunch must comprise only rice because anything made of wheat is just not auspicious for today. All Kapoors gave murky looks but what anyone can say against the rituals in India the plot worked and Natrajans just had a narrow escape from what could have been a gruesome incident. Kapoors somehow accomplished the meal and went for a stroll without any delay; understandably; to have actual lunch minus any rituals

The day was concluded and all the guests were gone, it was mounting darkness and soon a roller-coaster journey which lasted a day was finished. I and Deeps were sitting and chatting on the stairs of the community hall where we just got married for the first time. Hitler came and objected that we weren’t still married and hence we are not supposed to be meeting and nattering like this. I made a request Hitler just 2 minutes to have a conversation with my half wife which she approved with an obnoxious stare.

“Congratulations”, exhausted Deeps could not believe that the wedding was through

“Yes, same to you too, barrier 1 of 2 is over, get ready for part 2”, I winked at her

Hitler called Deeps and this time she had to go, I too got up and went to my room. All Kapoors were enthusiastically stuffing their belongings to catch an early morning flight back to Jaipur. I took a deep breath and began pulling my stuff together, after 20 minutes when I was done I just wanted to doze off to the bed. I recollected the entire day and there was a grin on my face, a smile of triumph. I shut my eyes and I went astray in the world of profound siesta.

Chapter 28 – North vs South

It was a distinct juncture for me because in previous 6 years this was merely the 2^nd time my parents planned a trip to Bangalore. The first time was when they came to unload me. After everything it looked like that finally we will have what me and Deeps craved for. It was agreed that my parents (Kapoors) will go to Deep’s house and will meet the girl. That means they have silently agreed for the wedding but now it all rests on how Kapoors and Natrajans get along in this whole development.

We in a little while grasped that we have the gravest situation among us related to Kapoor’s visit of Natrajans. The frightening question was what to cook for Kapoors when they visit Natrajans ? Mr. Kapoor barely enjoys anything apart from Pakodas and sweets. More than Deeps I was anxious because Natrajans might get snubbed because of this. Moreover, it might never occur to Mr. Kapoor that it is the question of his son’s wedding.

“Should we prepare Chapati and Sabzi ?”, Deeps submitted the safest selection

“The safest route would be something deep-fried”, I said

“But my mom wishes to cook south Indian food because she is good in it, not in north Indian cuisine”, she said

“I understand but what is the use if he won’t even touch it ?”, I responded

“Look, if someone comes to your house, what do you offer ? Will you prepare what they eat specifically of will you cook the best of you ?”

The argument had a weight to it and my mother also agreed to it, both of us assumed that even if he does not like it he will eat it considering the criticality of the situation. So I made a suicidal judgment and permitted “Rava Idli”, which Deep’s mom is skilled in.

The judgment day arrived and Natrajans invited Kapoors for breakfast. We arrived on time. Natrajans welcomed us with open arms and with lots of respect. They were looking forward to have a delightful conversation. We seated down and I started to feel a little jumpy thinking of near future. Now It all depends on what my father thinks because if he decides NO, means it’s a NO. Deeps came and greeted my parents and in a while Natrajans began serving us the breakfast. As soon as Deeps served Idli to Mr. Kapoor I missed a heartbeat after seeing his reaction.

“Idli ? Is this Idli ?”, he asked Deeps twice

“Yes it is”, Deeps Replied

“I don’t eat Idli”, he replied plainly and gave Deeps back the plate without any additional thought

As anticipated he wasn’t thoughtful enough about the circumstances at all and this move made Deeps terrified. But straightaway her mom came for the rescue.

“Do you eat Masala Dosa ?”, Deep’s mother asked my father

“Yes I can have that thanks”, my father answered

When he said I was once again calmed but not for long because it struck to me that he will not even eat that. In north India Dosa is served with Sambhar and in south Indian Dosa is served just only with Chutney and icing on the cake is that Mr. Kapoor HATES chutney. Hence even if he will be served with Dosa, he will not eat it. And yet again he substantiated me accurately, when Deep’s mother served him the dosa, he looked at my mother and asked,

“How should I eat it, there is no Sambhar with it ?”

“Deeps do you have any Sambhar prepared ?”, I tried to salvage the situation

Deeps almost sobbed which made it clear that they don’t have any Sambhar. Seeing this Mr. Kapoor said its ok he will manage.

He will manage !!!! how ? Oh yes by not eating it J

And I was full on money because at the end when he left the plate the entire dosa was dissected but wasn’t eaten.

After breakfast it was time for Kapoors to talk to Deeps and after few rudimentary questions my mother asked Deeps a droll question,

“We live in Jaipur and it will be hot out there, how will you manage ?”

“We will put AC in each room”, she replied outspokenly, thank god she did not say that we will move you all to Bangalore.

They had a pleasant conversation, mostly between Deeps and my mother after which we left Natrajan palace in harmony. Since my dad did not eat anything we went to a north Indian restaurant. While eating he simply condemned the relation because the girl wasn’t gorgeous.

“I don’t know what you saw in her ? She is not that attractive”, he said

“I know but I am also no Shahrukh khan if you see carefully”,

I was just annoyed by the fact that he is still looking for tasteless justifications to pull me out of this.

That night he came to me and wished to talk further on this with Natrajans. I guess after thinking about the whole thing he was ok because I anyways indicated that if not now then later but Deeps is the one whom I will eventually marry. I gave this news to Deeps and we finalized a day for them to meet and talk further.

The day arrived and Natrajans came at around evening time with some customary gifts which must be given the first time girl’s parents visit the Guy’s house. My father asked both of us to disappear so that only they can talk money. Both of us went to the terrace and started speculating about the talks. Deeps unexpectedly started crying.

“What happened ?” I asked

She said “What if they don’t come to any consensus and say no to the wedding”

I reassured her and said whatever it is, if they won’t agree then we will try further but we will walk down the aisle only if they agree to this relation. She was ok after the reassurance and we continued talking about general things. After around 30 minutes my father called me up and asked us to come down. When we entered in the room the atmosphere appeared heated up because Deep’s mother was sitting with a depressed expression and her father looked agitated.

“We have not discussed anything yet because we could not go ahead of the very first topic”, my father said

“What is that ?”, I asked

“Where the wedding will take place ?”, he said without any expression

“We want it to be done in Jaipur because it’s first one in the house and they want to do it from Bangalore because it’s the only one in their house”, he shed light on the tricky situation

“Yes we knew that this point will come and I have a solution to it”, I said

“Whats that ?”, Mr. Natrajan asked curiously

“We will perform the whole wedding ceremony 2 times; both in Jaipur and Bangalore”, I offered the way out gently

“What are you talking about, it does not work like that”, my father was infuriated after listening to this

“Look you have been debating on this from last 1 hr and you do not have any other option then to get us married twice. Everyone will get what they want”, it was an honest bailout plan

“Ok then let us think on this and let’s talk after that”, Mr. Kapoor said

“Ok, then we would like to leave now”, Mr. Natrajan stood up to leave

I am not sure what else was spoken other than wedding location because Natrajans left the house in complete annoyance which wasn’t a noble sign. Later in the day Deeps and I spoke to each other and came to the inference that it will not work like this. We have to coordinate everything from now on. Natrajans must express only to Deeps and Deeps must convey the message to me and I should tell the news to the Kapoors. We decided to do this because both the families don’t understand each other’s language, both families appears to have some self-esteem issues and no one in both families is a decent negotiator. From that day onwards we started working according to the plan. I was talking to my parents and she was with her and we discussed each and every demand from either families and discussed them with the opposition. It looked like that things finally beginning to fall in place. Both the families were glad with the developments because all of them eventually were getting what they hunted for.

We were getting married two times, Natrajans asked my parents to pick the first spot of wedding; Bangalore or Jaipur, to which Mr. Kapoor bewilderingly agreed for Bangalore. Understandably because after wedding both of us must stay in Jaipur for some time and meet all the relatives.

Deeps called me and said that her parents want to discuss the wedding dates with Kapoors. I informed my parents that Natrajans will be calling you to settle the marriage dates. After few minutes Deeps called me,

“Congrats”

“What happened?”, I was scared because there was supposed to be a discussion between Natrajans and Kapoors

“We are getting married on 24^th Feb and then all over again on 1^st Match”

“Congrats to you too”, I took a lungful of air, I was never more relieved.