Chapter 31: The wedding Part 2

Kapoors took an early morning flight from Bangalore and reached back to Jaipur at around early afternoon. Since there were no 10 tickets available in the same flight; we came separately in pack of 5s. I was with Akbar, Jodhabai and Hamida Banu Begam. At the airport we were received by Akbar’s brother Hakim. While we were on our way back to our respective houses; Hamida Begum chose to give a transitory overview about the complete wedding at Bangalore to Hakim. Hamida Begum started with an amplified explanation on how Hakim’s brother and sister-in-law were the only charismatic people at Bangalore. They mesmerized all Natrajans with their English and all Natrajan kin desired to talk just to both of them. Well whatever she was telling wasn’t entirely a tall tale but the way it was portrayed wasn’t even 20% truthful. But since Hakim was never there; he had to trust his mother but what about me!!! I was sitting right next to Hamida Begum and it never occurred to her that I might know the veracity of the incident!! Well the exaggeration went on for some more time till they dropped me off to my place where my parents were already waiting for me.

Natrajans were expected to arrive in 2 days and again it was more or less 10 of them who were anticipated to show up at the wedding. It was virtually the same circumstances as Bangalore with only modification that both parties now have changed the courts. Finally Natrajans came down to Jaipur and they were received in a same manner they welcomed Kapoors but the variance this time was that the garlands were not Hawaiian. Natrajans were accommodated in a bungalow Kapoors leased out only for Natrajans. All arrangements from condiments, a cook till a car with a driver were done beforehand. Few of Deeps office friends also accompanied Natrajans; representing the girl’s side.

North Indian weddings are more of fun and entertainment rather a complete indulgence into rituals. The first key event that occurs 1-2 days prior to wedding is “Sangeet”. Traditionally ladies are the only people to take part in this occasion. During this event ladies sing and dance on traditional Indian songs, and joke around with guests. But times are shifting and every men and women who are close to the bride and groom play a part. Kapoors went a step further and appointed a choreographer for the same. All my cousins shaped a theme which described my birth, childhood, teenage and adult life in sequence of songs from Hindi movies. All male cousins were portraying me on stage and female cousins were playing Deeps. The first song introduced Mr. and Mrs. Kapoor describing they falling in love and for clear reasons this piece was commended the most. All my cousins and brother did a freakishly remarkable job to pull off something like this. There were like zillion songs which concluded the whole story and each individual performed in no less than 6-7 songs!!! It was implausible to picture the amount of effort everyone had put in to make this event extraordinary. The merrymaking concluded with the open dance floor where both Natrajans and Kapoors shared the dance steps on selected groovy tunes.

At last the 2^nd judgment day arrived where me and Deeps would get married for the second time and after this I can talk to her anywhere and anytime without Hitler’s authorization. The bash began from my house. Kapoors formed a crowd and marched towards the wedding venue as a Baraat.

Baraat is a bridegroom's wedding procession with Band, dancers and fireworks. It is customary for the bridegroom to travel to the wedding venue on a mare, accompanied by his family members who are actually the dancers. The groom and his horse are covered in finery and do not usually take part in the dancing. The baraat, headed by a display of fireworks and accompanied by the rhythm of the dhol, reaches the meeting point, where the elders of both the families meet.

We reached at the wedding spot where we were received by Natrajans who were told in advance what to do as their fragment in the ceremonial. I was taken to the wedding room where 2 imperial chairs were placed for wife and husband-to-be. I seated down and shortly Deeps arrived in red wedding dress. The rest of the evening people kept coming to pass on good wishes to us. Deeps wasn’t accustomed with the procedure that the pair must fall to the feet of each elder to get the blessings.

At least to offer blessings no one was throwing food around in here

After attending roughly to 45-50 guests Deeps succumbed to the tradition and told me that if she will bend next time then she might not come back. I could understand her agony because my spine was also aching but I had to help her out. I told her that next time when you kneel down to touch someone’s feet; as soon as you come back up pretend as you are about to faint with an eye rolling expression, one hand on forehead and start falling on me. 2 minutes later one family came to acknowledge us and as it was expected Deeps overdramatized the act and instead of falling on me she fell on to the couch; falling on me would have raised some anxieties but this made them horrified. Quickly people poured in from each direction, someone came up with water, someone with food and every single lady was on the bride. Deeps rapidly understood what she did and opened her eyes while still pretending to be sick. Everybody dispersed and my mother did not let Deeps to get up from the seat anymore. When my mother was gone after sometime; she looked at me and asked “How was the acting ?” to which I said, “It was an Oscar winning performance but if you had hammed it up a little further than we would have seen doctors and ambulance too”.

At around 11 pm practically all the guests were gone and we still had to hang around for another 1.25 hours before any wedding ceremonial could start. This is the solitary major difference in a South Indian and a North Indian wedding that a south Indian wedding would take place in the morning and a north Indian wedding at around midnight. We were having fun while chatting and the time flew away like a cold breeze. We were asked to be seated for wedding ceremony on our respective spaces and Pundit began to recite the mantras.

We were about 15-20 minutes into the ritual when I observed that all my relatives are wide-awake and conscious while almost all Deep’s relative had already surrendered to the midnight and the heavy delicious food they had few hours ago. 75% of Deep’s kin was snoozing while we were getting married and remaining were also not far away including Deeps. After 10 minutes I watched diligently and noticed that Deeps has already been dragged into an incredible world of sleep.

How can she do that!!! She is sitting and sleeping in her own wedding !!

I looked around but nobody had noted it yet, so I adjusted my spot a bit and gave Deeps a slight shudder, it worked, she opened her eyes and looked at me, she gave me a smile and dozed again. I jolted her again and reminded her that it’s our wedding and we are not audience but the participants. She then comprehended the gravity of the situation and managed to keep herself conscious till the end. The ceremony got over shortly and we were married for the 2^nd time. Deeps now was my complete spouse. Kapoors began their way back to home with an additional family member. Deep’s parents and relatives wished her for a great life, they tried to be resilient but Deeps and Hitler could not hold back and burst into a loud cry. It was impossible for a mother to let her loving daughter go but this had to happen sometime. After few minutes it was the time of realization for both of them to let all go. Both of us sat in the decorated car and Hakim drove us back to my place where some more relatives were waiting for us for yet another ritual at the 1 am in the night. It took another 30 minutes to get over the formality and it was time to sleep, after all running around it was time to go astray in loving arms of sweet and comfortable bed. We were waiting for all guests to leave and instructions from my mom, she came and said,

“You sleep in this drawing room and Deeps will come and sleep with me”, my mom said

“But why?” I asked

“Because there are still some people in the house who will go only by tomorrow” and she walked away

Deeps and I looked at each other in incredulity, “You are going to spend your first night with my mom!!!”

She did not appreciate my wittiness and looked very uncomfortable, terrified and totally freaked out, we were not ready for this, we were caught totally off-guard. I cheered her by telling that this perhaps is the last thing you have to do for me. She understood that there is no other alternative and went to sleep with my mom. I also slept in the drawing room with an amalgamation of various frequencies of snorts coming out of each direction from each guest.

May be 1-2 hours later

Ankit, Ankit, Ankit ……. Am I dreaming!!! Ankit wake up …… its Deeps

I woke up in a sudden shock and saw Deeps standing right on my head.

“What is it and what time is it?” I asked while try to look around and try to understand the situation, it was still dark and people in my house were still singing the snore song.

“Ankit, I can’t sleep with your mom, I am going to my parents place, Bye”, and she started to run away

“What … wh …. Wait….. ”, it took me a zillionth of a second to come back to complete consciousness and jump out of the bed. I ran after the runaway bride.

Is she taking vengeance from me for what I did in Kashi Yatra ?

Deeps was by now out of the house was trying to climb the wall to get away. When I saw the sight of it I was sure that this is certainly not what I anticipated my first night to be.

Chapter 28 – North vs South

It was a distinct juncture for me because in previous 6 years this was merely the 2^nd time my parents planned a trip to Bangalore. The first time was when they came to unload me. After everything it looked like that finally we will have what me and Deeps craved for. It was agreed that my parents (Kapoors) will go to Deep’s house and will meet the girl. That means they have silently agreed for the wedding but now it all rests on how Kapoors and Natrajans get along in this whole development.

We in a little while grasped that we have the gravest situation among us related to Kapoor’s visit of Natrajans. The frightening question was what to cook for Kapoors when they visit Natrajans ? Mr. Kapoor barely enjoys anything apart from Pakodas and sweets. More than Deeps I was anxious because Natrajans might get snubbed because of this. Moreover, it might never occur to Mr. Kapoor that it is the question of his son’s wedding.

“Should we prepare Chapati and Sabzi ?”, Deeps submitted the safest selection

“The safest route would be something deep-fried”, I said

“But my mom wishes to cook south Indian food because she is good in it, not in north Indian cuisine”, she said

“I understand but what is the use if he won’t even touch it ?”, I responded

“Look, if someone comes to your house, what do you offer ? Will you prepare what they eat specifically of will you cook the best of you ?”

The argument had a weight to it and my mother also agreed to it, both of us assumed that even if he does not like it he will eat it considering the criticality of the situation. So I made a suicidal judgment and permitted “Rava Idli”, which Deep’s mom is skilled in.

The judgment day arrived and Natrajans invited Kapoors for breakfast. We arrived on time. Natrajans welcomed us with open arms and with lots of respect. They were looking forward to have a delightful conversation. We seated down and I started to feel a little jumpy thinking of near future. Now It all depends on what my father thinks because if he decides NO, means it’s a NO. Deeps came and greeted my parents and in a while Natrajans began serving us the breakfast. As soon as Deeps served Idli to Mr. Kapoor I missed a heartbeat after seeing his reaction.

“Idli ? Is this Idli ?”, he asked Deeps twice

“Yes it is”, Deeps Replied

“I don’t eat Idli”, he replied plainly and gave Deeps back the plate without any additional thought

As anticipated he wasn’t thoughtful enough about the circumstances at all and this move made Deeps terrified. But straightaway her mom came for the rescue.

“Do you eat Masala Dosa ?”, Deep’s mother asked my father

“Yes I can have that thanks”, my father answered

When he said I was once again calmed but not for long because it struck to me that he will not even eat that. In north India Dosa is served with Sambhar and in south Indian Dosa is served just only with Chutney and icing on the cake is that Mr. Kapoor HATES chutney. Hence even if he will be served with Dosa, he will not eat it. And yet again he substantiated me accurately, when Deep’s mother served him the dosa, he looked at my mother and asked,

“How should I eat it, there is no Sambhar with it ?”

“Deeps do you have any Sambhar prepared ?”, I tried to salvage the situation

Deeps almost sobbed which made it clear that they don’t have any Sambhar. Seeing this Mr. Kapoor said its ok he will manage.

He will manage !!!! how ? Oh yes by not eating it J

And I was full on money because at the end when he left the plate the entire dosa was dissected but wasn’t eaten.

After breakfast it was time for Kapoors to talk to Deeps and after few rudimentary questions my mother asked Deeps a droll question,

“We live in Jaipur and it will be hot out there, how will you manage ?”

“We will put AC in each room”, she replied outspokenly, thank god she did not say that we will move you all to Bangalore.

They had a pleasant conversation, mostly between Deeps and my mother after which we left Natrajan palace in harmony. Since my dad did not eat anything we went to a north Indian restaurant. While eating he simply condemned the relation because the girl wasn’t gorgeous.

“I don’t know what you saw in her ? She is not that attractive”, he said

“I know but I am also no Shahrukh khan if you see carefully”,

I was just annoyed by the fact that he is still looking for tasteless justifications to pull me out of this.

That night he came to me and wished to talk further on this with Natrajans. I guess after thinking about the whole thing he was ok because I anyways indicated that if not now then later but Deeps is the one whom I will eventually marry. I gave this news to Deeps and we finalized a day for them to meet and talk further.

The day arrived and Natrajans came at around evening time with some customary gifts which must be given the first time girl’s parents visit the Guy’s house. My father asked both of us to disappear so that only they can talk money. Both of us went to the terrace and started speculating about the talks. Deeps unexpectedly started crying.

“What happened ?” I asked

She said “What if they don’t come to any consensus and say no to the wedding”

I reassured her and said whatever it is, if they won’t agree then we will try further but we will walk down the aisle only if they agree to this relation. She was ok after the reassurance and we continued talking about general things. After around 30 minutes my father called me up and asked us to come down. When we entered in the room the atmosphere appeared heated up because Deep’s mother was sitting with a depressed expression and her father looked agitated.

“We have not discussed anything yet because we could not go ahead of the very first topic”, my father said

“What is that ?”, I asked

“Where the wedding will take place ?”, he said without any expression

“We want it to be done in Jaipur because it’s first one in the house and they want to do it from Bangalore because it’s the only one in their house”, he shed light on the tricky situation

“Yes we knew that this point will come and I have a solution to it”, I said

“Whats that ?”, Mr. Natrajan asked curiously

“We will perform the whole wedding ceremony 2 times; both in Jaipur and Bangalore”, I offered the way out gently

“What are you talking about, it does not work like that”, my father was infuriated after listening to this

“Look you have been debating on this from last 1 hr and you do not have any other option then to get us married twice. Everyone will get what they want”, it was an honest bailout plan

“Ok then let us think on this and let’s talk after that”, Mr. Kapoor said

“Ok, then we would like to leave now”, Mr. Natrajan stood up to leave

I am not sure what else was spoken other than wedding location because Natrajans left the house in complete annoyance which wasn’t a noble sign. Later in the day Deeps and I spoke to each other and came to the inference that it will not work like this. We have to coordinate everything from now on. Natrajans must express only to Deeps and Deeps must convey the message to me and I should tell the news to the Kapoors. We decided to do this because both the families don’t understand each other’s language, both families appears to have some self-esteem issues and no one in both families is a decent negotiator. From that day onwards we started working according to the plan. I was talking to my parents and she was with her and we discussed each and every demand from either families and discussed them with the opposition. It looked like that things finally beginning to fall in place. Both the families were glad with the developments because all of them eventually were getting what they hunted for.

We were getting married two times, Natrajans asked my parents to pick the first spot of wedding; Bangalore or Jaipur, to which Mr. Kapoor bewilderingly agreed for Bangalore. Understandably because after wedding both of us must stay in Jaipur for some time and meet all the relatives.

Deeps called me and said that her parents want to discuss the wedding dates with Kapoors. I informed my parents that Natrajans will be calling you to settle the marriage dates. After few minutes Deeps called me,

“Congrats”

“What happened?”, I was scared because there was supposed to be a discussion between Natrajans and Kapoors

“We are getting married on 24^th Feb and then all over again on 1^st Match”

“Congrats to you too”, I took a lungful of air, I was never more relieved.

Chapter 27: The Unexpected

 

The feedback established by Deeps was not so good and not so bad. Natrajans had already decided that they will get her married to me but a grave question still lingering around in their mind was, how honest the guy and his background is ?

“I guess they will call me a couple of times and will question me to know me better”, I told Deeps

“May be, I don’t know”, she said sheepishly
I was pretty peaceful after talking to her parents and was convinced that things will go smooth from here on.

Shortly it was time for me to go to Jaipur and on this occasion it was Live free or Die hard. Since I had already spoken to her parents; it was time now to give my parents a shocker, my mom by now had an impression about it but dad wasn’t aware of it.

“I wanna talk to you”, I told my dad, I was nervous

“What ?”, he asked

“There is a girl called Deeps, she was with me in college, I want you to meet her”

“What is the necessity of all this ?”, he responded infuriated

“Why did you have to go that far to make a relation?”, he almost yelled at me

I kept quiet and paid attention to what he is saying for next 10 minutes. It was obvious that he had to display his rage because he is father and had to rubbish this conversation initially but none of his questions and reasons indicated that he is not rejecting it either J. Well, I did not try to argue further on this and allowed this thought to sink in him.

A week after I was back to Bangalore Deeps called me at 2 pm on a Sunday afternoon, which is a very odd because usually her parents are there in the house the entire day.

“Hi”, I said startlingly because I don’t anticipate calls from her on Sundays

“How are you able to call today ?”, I asked her

“My parents are not in town, they have gone to Chennai”, she said

We spoke for some time and just about the same time I was getting another call, it was my mom.

“I am gonna have to call you back, my mom is calling”, I told her

I hung up and I rang my mom,

“Hello”, My mother answered the call

“Hi Mom, tell me, you called ??”, I asked

“I have news for you”, she said it very melodramatically

“Yes, what is it ?”, anticipating no big deal from her.

“We had visitors today in our house”, her tone changed from histrionic to cryptic

“Ok, Sooooooo ?”, I also adjusted to her tone and asked carelessly

“Where are Deepti’s Parents ?”, she asked

“They have gone to Chennai …………. ohhhh shitttt”

It instantly transpired to me the well-conceived plot by Natrajans. Everything became translucent, the address she took from me, the excuse to go to Chennai. Everything started falling into place.

My mom recounted the complete incident,

My mother was sitting in the living room when she heard the door bell. She opened the door and found a couple of strangers. They introduced themselves as Deep’s parents. They did not want to warn me or my parents because by unexpected visit they just found out the real us or else we could have fabricated our appearance if we had known that they are coming. Deep’s mom did not talk, she just examined the house. She was terrified and concerned. All the talking was done by her father. My mother then called my father to come home and when he arrived, they surprisingly had a pleasant and smooth conversation. Deeps parents gave an account of the witty incident occurred with them at the railway station. From Railway station they called up my house and they asked for Anky. Startlingly Anky came on the line, it astonished them also because Anky was supposed to be in Bangalore. They told Anky that they are in Jaipur and wanted to know if my parents are at home or not. Anky on the other side asked Natrajans who are they and who is Deeps ?? I don’t know any Deeps. Listening to this Natrajans almost had an heart attack, after all this if Anky is saying that he does not know Deeps then what will happen ? After few seconds of argument they were positive that Anky has made fool out of them and their daughter. But they just wanted to confirm this and teach Anky a lesson; hence they carried on with the plan to go to his house. Later they discovered that it was a wrong number and the most bizarre coincidental thing was that even on that wrong number they found an Anky. How many Ankys are there in Jaipur ??

I was almost paralyzed after learning all this from my mother and now it was Deep’s turn to get some shockwave therapy. I am sure that she was more than stunned because when I told her this she could not speak and she was scared till death,

“What will happen now ?”, she asked while sobbing

“Nothing, they will be convinced and comfortable about me”, I relieved her

The following day Natrajans came back from Jaipur but did not talk to Deeps. They knew that she knows about their trip but they themselves did not want to conclude anything and did not want to give any thoughts to Deeps, hence they called me one more time.

“We went to your house”, Hitler said without any expressions

“Yes I spoke to my mother, she told me”

She then told all her experience in my house and they narrated the “Wrong number” episode. Hitler told how she liked the place, food and shopping. And finally they came to the earth-shattering question,

“So when can you get married to her ?”

I was taken aback by the unexpected question, but I dealt with it.

“As soon as I will complete 2 years in my current profession because I am not able to take care of myself; How will I look after your daughter ?”, I defended

“No no no that’s not possible, you both will have to get married within 3 months”, Hitler just did not want to listen anything

“If we will do it late then people will ask questions”, she said

“Ok tell people that we have got her engaged, they will stop asking questions”, I offered an honest resolution

“No no no, just talk to your dad and wrap it up”, she was ready to get me married in next 1 hour

I guess she still suspected my character and she was frightened that I will flee !! Why everyone judges me by my face !!! I look like thief but inside I am just a crook !! he he he

“What about further studies after marriage ?”, She asked

“Then who will feed your daughter ?”, the comeback which shunned any further likely debate

It was a reasonable progress but I wasn’t still certain of next step. I spoke to my mom and she persuaded my dad to come to Bangalore to talk and finalize things, to which surprisingly he agreed. They decided to come to Bangalore in next 4 months, both of us were very glad because the dream seen by us 15-16 chapters before was in fact would be turning into reality very soon and without any major obstacles or did we just presumed that little too soon ?

Chapter 26: The Trap

 

I soon started enjoying the bureaucrat work atmosphere because Joke Factory gave me loads of leisure time, time to relish the paid freedom. I was placed in that very office where Joke Factory had kept a television, perhaps the only great thing ever done to its employees. Initially I was waiting on a word from higher executives about my project allocation but sooner I realized that they have forgotten me !!! 1 month, 2 month and 3 months passed and my daily routine was,

# Come to office and Swipe in

# Go to library and check mails

# Go to cafeteria and have breakfast

# After breakfast go to the recreation room and watch Television all through the day

Official and the social life was going on pretty smooth until Deeps slapped me with a shocker,

“I have told my parents”, she said

“What !!” I almost vomited out the McVeggie burger was clinched on to

“Yes, from last few days they have been talking to people about my wedding, so I had to do something”

“What did you do ?”, I asked curiously

“They told me that a guy is coming tomorrow to see me”

“Ok, then what happened”, I was frightened to ask this question because she might have done Jhansi ki Rani

“I said no, for which my mom was very disappointed and she asked if I was seeing someone”

“Okkkkkk, what happened next ??”

“I said Yes”, she said candidly

And here goes my burger

The burger came soaring out of my mouth, out of the blue all the pleasure turned sore, her parents now know everything and if they are not tolerable about it then they might do something about it. She told me a number of times that her father has loads of contacts, which includes EVERY kind of person.

What if he gets livid ? He might send people to kidnap me or even beat me up !!

“Hey by the way, what does your father think about it”, I asked unnervingly

“He does not know yet”

“What do you think will happen when he will know about us ?”, I was all set for the abduction

“Nothing, he will scold me”, she said dejectedly

“What will happen to me, I mean will he hurt me ?”, I awkwardly posted the question

“Ha ha ha, hey he isn’t like that, you chicken, ha ha ha”, she could not stop laughing when she learnt what was I thinking

“So what now ?” I asked

“Nothing, you have to come to my house and meet them”, she said calmly

My heart sank, I could not think of anything else but me getting beaten up by some goons . I know that she affirmed that her father is not like that but I never said that these assailants will be sent by her father, they will be from Hitler

The day arrived when I was asked to meet her parents,

“Any final minute instructions ?”, I called Deeps and asked

“Just don’t be yourself and rest would be excellent”, she said unperturbedly

I was disgusted because I had to pretend, typically I act dim-witted and I am constantly sarcastic. Plus I was asked to cover my grey hair and put on decent formals. I hated nearly everything about the pre-requisites of the meeting but it had to be done.

I reached her house 10 minutes prior I was supposed to. Since I have been to her house before; it wasn’t intricate for me to locate it. I rang the bell and her father opened the door,

“Hello Sir”, He welcomed me with a immense delight

The reception felt that they already have made a decision that I will their son-in-law and they will just tell me how to handle the wealth they are going to give me, I mean us

I entered and the scene inside was breathtaking because the very picture of it took all my breath away. Deeps was sitting on a chair in a corner and at the centre Hitler sat with a notepad, she wore her emblematic atrocious gaze. It appeared as if it is going to be the most evil interview of my life because Hitler is all set to make an inventory of things based on which I will be thrown out of Deeps existence.

I tried an innocent and a terrified look, the plan was to receive fewer injuries from the brutality I was about to face in next hour.

“Deeps has told us about you and that’s why we wanted to meet you”, future father-in-law was thrilled

“What is your caste”, asked the cold Hitler, suppressing the relieve established by the previous question

“I don’t know ?”, I said,

In my house we never talked regarding caste. I knew I was Hindu but that wasn’t adequate because there are castes inside castes inside castes and EVERY SINGLE SOUL IS SUPPOSED TO KNOW THAT.

“What ?”, Hitler went pale, it was as if I had told that I was already married !! With 2 kids !!

“I mean I am Baniya”, I handled the situation without any delay

“Ok”

Mother-in-law and Father-in-law argued something in Kannada which more or less was “His caste is okay, I have several business clients of the same social group and they are excellent people”.

I guess they chose Kannada to converse because I did not know the language, at least that’s what they thought

After a concise debate in the local lingo which I don’t understand; Hitler turned towards me and asked again

“Your parents sent you to study then why did you do this ?”, she again posed a delicate issue

“It wasn’t deliberate, it just happened”, I tried to dodge the question but she wasn’t convinced

“What about your parents, do they know about it ?”

“Not yet”

Hitler again conversed something in kannada with Deep’s father which was roughly meant “He has no balls to tell his parents, ask him when will he tell his father and see how he will chicken out”

“When will you tell your parents ?”, Father-in-law asked promptly

“If you agree to this relation then I will tell them the next time I will go to my home”, I perfectly played according to their plan, in fact I did not have balls to tell my father yet L

I started learning kannada from the day I landed here; not to make an impression on any girl but to survive well in an unfamiliar land. In 4 years I had managed to understand all but speaking is still a hitch. This effort in learning Kannada was getting paid off today because their plan was,

# They will pose complex questions in front of me

# My responses will be discussed in Kannada among them and since I am a north Indian; I don’t recognize the language + Deepti wasn’t permitted to speak

# Based on the planning they would aim to ambush me

Little did they know that I arrived fully equipped. For each question I had a lip smacking reply standing by for them because I always knew what they are expecting

Quickly the conversation was over and they asked me my house address, the Jaipur’s address. I hesitated,

“I just want to do a light background check for my satisfaction, I have many clients in Jaipur and I will request one of them to do a little enquiry”, Hitler said

I was okay with the justification and gave her my address. Few minutes later I was given some snacks after which I asked to disappear. It wasn’t that terrible, it could have been awful if I had not known Kannada

Chapter 19: Archi the Bisleri Chick

 

"Let’s go”, I got ready and got out with Deeps on her street-hawk

I was being continually coached by her on the way about what to talk and what not to with Archi.

“She might ask you about our relation”, she said in a faint tone

“Oh I thought we were going for a party !!”, I beamed

“Shut the F%$# up and listen to me I am serious”, she sounded mad

The entire ride took about 15 minutes but it felt like a year because number of instructions given to me were more then the number of instructions present in a commercial airplane flying instruction manual. In short I had to present myself as the most well-brought-up, respectful, well-mannered, thoughtful, loving, charismatic, anything I missed ?? Oh yes, most prominently,  good English !!!

“What ??”

“Yes, she speaks only English”

“??”, I gave her a shitty expression.

“But my English is horrible, according to you I am from a village”, I raised an alarm

“Stop making a mockery of the situation and pay attention; be good because she does not like people speaking terrible English”

I was dumbstruck for a minute, I could not figure out if I was going for a casual meeting with one of her family member or for the GRE interview !!!

Let’s wait and watch,

We arrived at Bazaar Hangout (Does not exists any longer) near Jaynagar 7th block. Archi was already there, we exchanged Hi and made ourselves comfortable. No one spoke for quiet some time, I broke the 20 second long silence,

“So what would you like to order ?”, I posed the question to both the females

“What’s good here”, Archi scrolled down to the menu card

There was something about her aura, the way she sat, the way she spoke and the domination she had in her tone of voice was as if she owns the place.

Superb, I just need to be a little watchful

A guy emerged with a menu card and 3 glasses of water,

“We don’t want this water, Do you have Bisleri ?”, she asked the service boy

This event is no less than 7 year old and till that age we understood just one thing that the only water that’s available in any restaurant is the water served by the server, the regular water. But this was something new, bottled water aka mineral water, which was considered to be a symbol of luxury in those days. There was something unusual about this gal, she was way too much urbane. The Gobhi Manchurian which I never hesitated to eat anywhere in the Bangalore; she made me believe how harmful can it be because it’s not made of fresh ingredients and blah blah blah. She also stated that she does not even eat panipuri because she is not confident about the water they use but she wont mind if the water is made of bisleri !! We somehow managed to eat amid all this.

After snacks she wanted some time alone with me and she asked Deeps to go away for a moment,

“So whats up Anky, How are you”, she started the discussion

“I am good, thanks for asking”, I was being the best guy that has ever been born.

“So how well do you know Deeps ?”

“We are best friends”

“I heard that, so you are thinking of getting married ?”, she said while she opened her eyes wide

I was shaken a little by her lethal gaze but I spoke “Yes why not, I like her and she likes me what is the dilemma ?”

“There is an slight unimportant hitch and just because of that we are talking in English !!”

“Look I don’t see language as a massive trouble, we love each other and we can adjust with anything”

“True but what about your parents and her parents”

“We will talk to them when we both are 100% sure and the time is appropriate. But I promise you that I am not from that breed who will sway her to abscond”, I showed some confidence

I could not decipher the reaction but she looked impressed. She clarified few more things in English and I replied her in English with acceptable grammar and articulation. I know this because I got the feedback afterwards. The conversation went pretty well and Deeps was overwhelmed. That was a relief. But it did not matter who agrees and who does not; in her family or mine because people who we care most about should be in agreement and they were our parents,

“If they differ ?”, she asked dejectedly on the phone

“Then we won’t marry, simple”, I chuckled

“What simple ? As if we will never get married”, she was annoyed

“Look, I and you do not want to get married without the consent of our parents, so if they say no, that’s all right. We will try again and we will keep trying until they agree, it does not matter how long it will take”

That reassured her and our love story kicked off officially. We started meeting at least once in each weekend because the time spent in college wasn’t adequate and we hadn’t revealed our relationship to anyone. She did not want any gossip to spread in the college. We went for loads of movies and restaurant,

On a cool Sunday evening I was doing nothing and suddenly I wished to meet her but it wasn’t possible because she could not have come out of her house however, I had to see her, I called her up,

“Hi”

“Hi”, she giggled

“So what are you doing”, I asked

“Nothing watching television”

“Why is your mother not around ?”, I asked

“She is gone out. Hey !! How did you know that she is not in the house”, she asked curiously

“Because I can’t see her bike”, I said

“Where are you ??”, she almost screamed

“Just look outside the window”

Whenever I felt that I have to see her then there was always one thing I did, catch a bus to her place and called her from the telephone booth opposite to her house. I liked giving her shockers and she used to get shocked too, every single time.

I also devised “I Love you” miss calls, it was hopeless and mark of no-better-work. It begins with single miss call for letter “I” and then pause for about 10-15 sec and then back to back 4 miss calls to symbolize the word “LOVE”, silence for some more time and again back to back 3 miss calls for word “YOU”. I am not kidding but she always welcomed it and giggled while her parents cursed in every potential manner to the pervert who is causing these miss calls. The voyage of these miss/blank calls was very long because Hitler’s ultimate nightmare was becoming a reality and hence I could not have called to Deeps house and asked for her openly. I must call and identify the voice, if it’s not her then leave a blank call. One such day I called her up,

Tring Tring Tring

Someone picked up the phone ……… and no one spoke !!

I was even smarter, I also kept the game going,

I stood there and just did breathing

No one even spoke from other side, just breathing

[inhalation] from the other side

[Exhalation] from my side

It was as if we are talking wordlessly, both of us were trying too hard to distinguish the background noise and something which can give away the individual on the line but it was not easy because people on both sides were just too clever for each other.

[Exhalation] from the other side

[inhalation] from my side

This went on for a while and eventually she spoke, “Hello”

I smiled as if I won the breathing scuffle and I hung up;

it was Hitler

Chapter 12: The Pain

     2^nd semester results were out and everyone did pretty well . But Deeps was struggling a bit in mathematics . In first 2 semester she got middling grades which was tarnishing her overall end result. I sensed that and as a good friend I wanted to lend her a hand in these rigid circumstances. I began training her in mathematics whenever we got time, in college canteen or at the temple in the college. But that seemed not sufficient because we used to get very little time after attending all the regular lectures. So we begin to extend a bit and used to leave college a little late. She also told in her house that there are some extra classes and as a result we were getting generous time on Saturdays and on weekday holidays. I liked it because this way I could spend extra time with her . All of it did not go well because Hitler sensed that something is not right. She asked Deeps what is going on and what is the exact explanation of you coming late from college and going to the college when there is no college? She had to put in the picture the truth, she could not lie any longer. She told the complete state of affairs that she needed help out for her studies. Next day she came to the college and dropped a bomb on me by saying that,

“This cannot go on to any further extent”

“Why?” I asked frantically.

“I had to tell my mom everything and she does not like it at all”

“So who will be coaching you from now on?” I asked curiously.

“You”

“What!! How??” I was petrified for an instance.

“My mom said that you can come home and teach”

I could not believe what I heard, Hitler approved a guy inside her house to coach her daughter, Brilliant!!!

Anyways I started going to Deep’s house to give her some lessons on mathematics, we used to study from morning till evening and then I used to go back to the hostel. I was finding it hard to tell her about my feelings for her because if she does not think the same then I will lose her forever. Whatever bond of friendship we have between us will not be the same.

I had to be very certain about this, so I chose to wait patiently for the right time. Teaching her in her house was fun for both of us but I guess Deep’s mother did not like it and was disappointed on her choice of allowing me to teach Deeps. On one fine day Deeps updated me that her mother is not cheerful about this whole set-up. She has just one hesitation, why the hell someone will come from 20 kms to their house to train their daughter at no cost!!! She was convinced that something was going on between us, she got this suspicion A LOT and yes she was spot on but only to some extent. I was accepting all this soreness with delight because I liked her and could have done anything for her but she regarded me as only a friend,

“Please do not come from tomorrow”, She requested me.

“Why what happened”

“My mom does not like you coming to our house”

“But she is the one who allowed me in!!” I was little agitated.

“I know that but she believes that something is happening between us”

“Oh come on, what do I look like? ”

“No, she said that she does not want to hear in future that I want to marry you”

I nearly cried but I controlled in front of her. I left her house to never come back again and while leaving my heart was sobbing piercingly. I cried in the bus after I took off from her house. From the day I realized what she means to me, from that day every single thing that pointed in the direction of You-can’t-marry-Deeps destroyed me but I had to keep faith and trust in what I believe or else I will lose her. I was still comfortable that she still does not like any one and no one is after her. Was the situation in fact like this or was I careless enough to fail to notice things ??

########

Something was making a horrific sound, what the hell is that!! I jumped out of my bed, I glanced around. It was my cell phone which was making a horrendous noise. Someone was calling me, what time is it!! It was 3 am!!

Who the in the god’s name is calling me at 3 AM!! I saw the number and it was Deep’s house number, I was surprised, what the hell !! Anyways I responded to the call,

“Hello”

“Hi, It’s me”, Deeps murmured

“What are you doing up at this time ?” I snapped

“I had a dream about Sammy”

Who the hell is Sammy ?? I wondered.

And all of a sudden I remembered that from past few days she is been chatting about a guy from our senior batch in the college and there is this guy who according to her is the most good-looking in the college. Soon I grasped the situation and I froze, I did not want this discussion to go on because I knew where this conversation could go. But I had to carry on,

“What happened”, I asked with a heavy heart.

“I think I like Sammy a lot, I think I will propose him but I am terrified that he will say no”, She said in a very gloomy tone.

Tears started dripping out of my eyes.

“Its ok Deeps, I am with you, don’t lose sleep on this, if you really like him then I swear that I will see that you guys get together”

She was calmed after my assurance and hung up the phone but I could experience that my entire life has hung up on me.

Chapter 7: The first encounter with Hitler

It was an intense sunny day along with Sam’s happy birthday . The plan was to meet the girls (PK and Deeps) at Jayanagar and from there to ISKON temple , I know it’s a pretty exciting to go out with girls on your birthday to a temple but as we know that our Sam was like Maggie tomato ketchup, “It’s different” .

Both of us arrived at the meeting point and started killing time until both the girls turn up. Finally when it was already too late and both of us started to get pissed off, Sam got a call .

It was PK on the line, “Hi, it’s me”

Sam, “What the Heck”,

He was about to yell on her but then we noticed that PK was crying. He was shaken a bit.

Sam asked, “What happened”

PK recited the unpleasant incident,

“We were coming to meet you on Deep’s two-wheeler”, sobbing viciously .

“On a turn Deeps turned without indicating (She used to love this) and there was car approaching from the opposite direction”

“It knocked us down but nothing serious, Deeps is slightly hurt ”

“Ok, but where are you guys and if nothing serious why the hell are you still weeping ?”

She clarified, “The car owner is impolite and shameful, he wants Deeps to be handed over to the police”

“WTF ?? Let’s go”, we rushed.

We arrived at the crime scene and as it was elucidated by PK, the car owner was still shouting on Deeps. I quickly went towards him and tried to talk him down but then I discovered that he has already called the police. Deeps was sobbing and her elbow was bruised, it was bleeding. With-in a split second a police jeep appeared. Inspector asked us sit in the jeep. We all were sitting together. Car owner and his family opposite to us. I think Car owner and his wife got a bakra after a very long time because the way they were screaming was as though Deeps single handedly smashed the car with her two-wheeler but the car was unharmed, not even a scuff. I assumed that they did not have any other plans for the day so they thought of getting some amusement out of this .

We reached Jayanagar Police station where Deep’s destiny had to be determined. It was my maiden police station entry. As we entered we heard,

“Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa”

Few policemen were beating up this guy within the chamber. All dreadful thoughts started creeping up in the mind,

‘What will happen if Deeps goes to Jail’

‘What if she is sentenced for 2-3 years’

‘How would she look like ?’

 

Car owner was still shouting and Deeps still had tears in her eyes. Shortly a decent looking police inspector appeared . He heard the case and said,

“$%^$%^$%^& #$%#%$#$% ^&^%&*^&*^” .

I don’t know what he said but when he finished, the Car Owner appeared pleased and Deeps had gone worsen , so we deduced that Inspector has decided to support the car owner. Soon after Deeps enlightened that she needs to pay 1000/- penalty because she scratched the car. None of us had any cash and Deep’s parents were out of reach. Now when they learned that she does not have any money they starting pressurizing her further, they started bullying her that she will be put in jail. We called PK’s brother, he came like a knight in shining armour for us. Since he also did not have any currency, he submitted his credit card. The Car owner was still not pleased, he was looking for more blood .

Deeps now had enough, she called her uncle and told him the complete story. His Uncle got in touch with few people and within an hour the police station received a phone call from a politician and in India if politician makes a call from your behalf then you are a Superman. We came out of the station contentedly. The program was already busted. But to show a gesture of gratitude, Deeps invited us to her house.

Hitler was the most evil and cruel dictator ever known to mankind. Deeps always talked about her parents and especially about her mother, the episodes she told us and illustration of how strict she is with her made me have her representation of Hitler in my mind. I used to call her Hitler till I tied the knot with my wife but after that I recognized that she is an adorable Hitler and in day today world lovable Hitler has a official name, “Mother-in-law”.

It was slight strange to sit in her house knowing that it could turn out to be a big concern but then we thought, if no ISKON then at least might get some home cooked food. Finally Deep’s mom arrived after 2-3 hours. As she entered into the house she looked both of us and we looked her, no talking just staring, she staring us and we staring her, no words. Now let me give details of her glance to us, it was the look when you see something gruesome , as if she has seen 2 thieves , waiting for her to return so that we can inquire where the locker is !! First encounter with Hitler was not so great but wasn’t even bad .

She called out to Deeps. Deeps came and gave details of the entire event. I was little comforted because I was not in mood to go to the police station for a second time. And as predictable she cooked meal for us which was incredible. We had a little chat and then we left.

After few days from that unpleasant incident Deeps told me that her mother thinks that I and Deeps have a linkup. I laughed my guts out.

“That’s the funniest thing I have ever heard”

“Noooooo, she thinks that we are going around”

By 2nd semester the sitting display in our classroom became tad distinctive. There was 7 rows of Guys on the left, there was 6 rows of girls on the right side and 7th row of 4 of us, Me, Patti, Mahajan and Arnold. We were 7th row because our group girls were the back benchers of girls. So that used to make our group of 7 to sit as one.

One morning after the first lecture Deeps turned back and said, “I have a request”

“Shoot”, I said.

“Today my mother is visiting the college and she will come to the classroom too”

Before she could carry on I said, “And since your mother thinks we are going around I should not be sitting behind you, correct ?”

“Correct”, she confessed.

I wasn’t very glad with the request but then I did not have any other preferences but I also did not want to sit down anywhere else so all 4 of us bunked the lecture and her mother never came to the classroom.