Chapter 31: The wedding Part 2

Kapoors took an early morning flight from Bangalore and reached back to Jaipur at around early afternoon. Since there were no 10 tickets available in the same flight; we came separately in pack of 5s. I was with Akbar, Jodhabai and Hamida Banu Begam. At the airport we were received by Akbar’s brother Hakim. While we were on our way back to our respective houses; Hamida Begum chose to give a transitory overview about the complete wedding at Bangalore to Hakim. Hamida Begum started with an amplified explanation on how Hakim’s brother and sister-in-law were the only charismatic people at Bangalore. They mesmerized all Natrajans with their English and all Natrajan kin desired to talk just to both of them. Well whatever she was telling wasn’t entirely a tall tale but the way it was portrayed wasn’t even 20% truthful. But since Hakim was never there; he had to trust his mother but what about me!!! I was sitting right next to Hamida Begum and it never occurred to her that I might know the veracity of the incident!! Well the exaggeration went on for some more time till they dropped me off to my place where my parents were already waiting for me.

Natrajans were expected to arrive in 2 days and again it was more or less 10 of them who were anticipated to show up at the wedding. It was virtually the same circumstances as Bangalore with only modification that both parties now have changed the courts. Finally Natrajans came down to Jaipur and they were received in a same manner they welcomed Kapoors but the variance this time was that the garlands were not Hawaiian. Natrajans were accommodated in a bungalow Kapoors leased out only for Natrajans. All arrangements from condiments, a cook till a car with a driver were done beforehand. Few of Deeps office friends also accompanied Natrajans; representing the girl’s side.

North Indian weddings are more of fun and entertainment rather a complete indulgence into rituals. The first key event that occurs 1-2 days prior to wedding is “Sangeet”. Traditionally ladies are the only people to take part in this occasion. During this event ladies sing and dance on traditional Indian songs, and joke around with guests. But times are shifting and every men and women who are close to the bride and groom play a part. Kapoors went a step further and appointed a choreographer for the same. All my cousins shaped a theme which described my birth, childhood, teenage and adult life in sequence of songs from Hindi movies. All male cousins were portraying me on stage and female cousins were playing Deeps. The first song introduced Mr. and Mrs. Kapoor describing they falling in love and for clear reasons this piece was commended the most. All my cousins and brother did a freakishly remarkable job to pull off something like this. There were like zillion songs which concluded the whole story and each individual performed in no less than 6-7 songs!!! It was implausible to picture the amount of effort everyone had put in to make this event extraordinary. The merrymaking concluded with the open dance floor where both Natrajans and Kapoors shared the dance steps on selected groovy tunes.

At last the 2^nd judgment day arrived where me and Deeps would get married for the second time and after this I can talk to her anywhere and anytime without Hitler’s authorization. The bash began from my house. Kapoors formed a crowd and marched towards the wedding venue as a Baraat.

Baraat is a bridegroom's wedding procession with Band, dancers and fireworks. It is customary for the bridegroom to travel to the wedding venue on a mare, accompanied by his family members who are actually the dancers. The groom and his horse are covered in finery and do not usually take part in the dancing. The baraat, headed by a display of fireworks and accompanied by the rhythm of the dhol, reaches the meeting point, where the elders of both the families meet.

We reached at the wedding spot where we were received by Natrajans who were told in advance what to do as their fragment in the ceremonial. I was taken to the wedding room where 2 imperial chairs were placed for wife and husband-to-be. I seated down and shortly Deeps arrived in red wedding dress. The rest of the evening people kept coming to pass on good wishes to us. Deeps wasn’t accustomed with the procedure that the pair must fall to the feet of each elder to get the blessings.

At least to offer blessings no one was throwing food around in here

After attending roughly to 45-50 guests Deeps succumbed to the tradition and told me that if she will bend next time then she might not come back. I could understand her agony because my spine was also aching but I had to help her out. I told her that next time when you kneel down to touch someone’s feet; as soon as you come back up pretend as you are about to faint with an eye rolling expression, one hand on forehead and start falling on me. 2 minutes later one family came to acknowledge us and as it was expected Deeps overdramatized the act and instead of falling on me she fell on to the couch; falling on me would have raised some anxieties but this made them horrified. Quickly people poured in from each direction, someone came up with water, someone with food and every single lady was on the bride. Deeps rapidly understood what she did and opened her eyes while still pretending to be sick. Everybody dispersed and my mother did not let Deeps to get up from the seat anymore. When my mother was gone after sometime; she looked at me and asked “How was the acting ?” to which I said, “It was an Oscar winning performance but if you had hammed it up a little further than we would have seen doctors and ambulance too”.

At around 11 pm practically all the guests were gone and we still had to hang around for another 1.25 hours before any wedding ceremonial could start. This is the solitary major difference in a South Indian and a North Indian wedding that a south Indian wedding would take place in the morning and a north Indian wedding at around midnight. We were having fun while chatting and the time flew away like a cold breeze. We were asked to be seated for wedding ceremony on our respective spaces and Pundit began to recite the mantras.

We were about 15-20 minutes into the ritual when I observed that all my relatives are wide-awake and conscious while almost all Deep’s relative had already surrendered to the midnight and the heavy delicious food they had few hours ago. 75% of Deep’s kin was snoozing while we were getting married and remaining were also not far away including Deeps. After 10 minutes I watched diligently and noticed that Deeps has already been dragged into an incredible world of sleep.

How can she do that!!! She is sitting and sleeping in her own wedding !!

I looked around but nobody had noted it yet, so I adjusted my spot a bit and gave Deeps a slight shudder, it worked, she opened her eyes and looked at me, she gave me a smile and dozed again. I jolted her again and reminded her that it’s our wedding and we are not audience but the participants. She then comprehended the gravity of the situation and managed to keep herself conscious till the end. The ceremony got over shortly and we were married for the 2^nd time. Deeps now was my complete spouse. Kapoors began their way back to home with an additional family member. Deep’s parents and relatives wished her for a great life, they tried to be resilient but Deeps and Hitler could not hold back and burst into a loud cry. It was impossible for a mother to let her loving daughter go but this had to happen sometime. After few minutes it was the time of realization for both of them to let all go. Both of us sat in the decorated car and Hakim drove us back to my place where some more relatives were waiting for us for yet another ritual at the 1 am in the night. It took another 30 minutes to get over the formality and it was time to sleep, after all running around it was time to go astray in loving arms of sweet and comfortable bed. We were waiting for all guests to leave and instructions from my mom, she came and said,

“You sleep in this drawing room and Deeps will come and sleep with me”, my mom said

“But why?” I asked

“Because there are still some people in the house who will go only by tomorrow” and she walked away

Deeps and I looked at each other in incredulity, “You are going to spend your first night with my mom!!!”

She did not appreciate my wittiness and looked very uncomfortable, terrified and totally freaked out, we were not ready for this, we were caught totally off-guard. I cheered her by telling that this perhaps is the last thing you have to do for me. She understood that there is no other alternative and went to sleep with my mom. I also slept in the drawing room with an amalgamation of various frequencies of snorts coming out of each direction from each guest.

May be 1-2 hours later

Ankit, Ankit, Ankit ……. Am I dreaming!!! Ankit wake up …… its Deeps

I woke up in a sudden shock and saw Deeps standing right on my head.

“What is it and what time is it?” I asked while try to look around and try to understand the situation, it was still dark and people in my house were still singing the snore song.

“Ankit, I can’t sleep with your mom, I am going to my parents place, Bye”, and she started to run away

“What … wh …. Wait….. ”, it took me a zillionth of a second to come back to complete consciousness and jump out of the bed. I ran after the runaway bride.

Is she taking vengeance from me for what I did in Kashi Yatra ?

Deeps was by now out of the house was trying to climb the wall to get away. When I saw the sight of it I was sure that this is certainly not what I anticipated my first night to be.

Chapter 30 – The Bangalore Wedding

The stage was set and everyone was excited for the ultimate day of first of the two weddings. My folks; 10 of them landed in Bangalore to show up for the wedding ceremony. They were only 10 because Kapoors just wanted to display their presence at the Bangalore bridal because according to them the actual wedding would take place in Jaipur . So just for sake of courtesy few of my uncle, aunts and cousins made it to the 1^st marriage ceremony.

Natrajans sent few of their kinsfolks to welcome Kapoors at the airport. Kapoors were received with garland and music band, precisely how they show in the movies. But to me it looked fusion of 2 poles apart ethnicities because, one the composition played by the band resembled more of a traditional south Indian wedding day melody and 2^nd the garlands were so small that it looked like that Kapoors have arrived to Hawaii.

Natrajans had sent 3 cars to pick all them up. Kapoors soon after a theatrical welcome began their voyage to the centre of the Bangalore. Most of the Kapoors were visiting the Bangalore for the first time and did not know the magnitude of the difference in road travel between Jaipur and Bangalore. People who have experienced journey to the old Airport in Bangalore would appreciate the following piece of writing. The three wagons started at around 7 pm in the evening en route for a plain 15 km distance. It took round about 2.5 hrs to cover that distance. Now by the time we were half way through after roughly 1.5 hrs; all Kapoors including Mr. Kapoor were so aggravated that they practically decided to walk down the remaining trip on which Mr. Natrajan clarified that even if they walk; the car and the stroller would reach at the same time which helped Mr. Kapoor and others to change their mind in a jiffy. After an hour of snail paced journey all of us finally made it to the wedding hall where all of us were given rooms to stay all the way through the wedding period.

The next morning was the wedding day which opened with the breakfast. Since I had an evil experience with the food last time; I took additional measures to alter the menu into an amalgamation of pakodas and Idlis. Not very surprisingly only 1 Idli was consumed in 10 Kapoors. I was having the breakfast with complete indulgence when I saw that all Kapoors were standing close to the hand wash zone and debating on something very grim. When I investigated then I learned that one of my cousins “Akbar” was even bigger menace then my father in food and he was just sickened by the food which was served.

What else he expected ?

The wedding began by getting me prepared in Dhoti and a wraparound for my upper body but due to my muscular body --->

I shillyshallied a bit and I was permitted to wear the vest.

The entire observance was just about mantras and shlokas. One after the other there was a bombardment of rice from different angles from the countless people who were witnessing the carnage of yet another couple. It’s customary to hurl a small amount of rice on the couple which is getting married after a specific word from the Priest/Scholar/Pundit as a blessing. It was only then I comprehended that a lot of people weren’t very cheerful with this wedding of south and north because no less than 3-4 times someone almost poked my eye out with some extreme shots of rice right into my eyes. It took me just those many times to recognize that the safe word is “Swaha”; so whenever the Pundit says “Swaha”; shut your eyes . People tried to hurt me again and I encountered the assault fearlessly.

2 of the 3 Kapoors of one family got along very well with Natrajans because of their talent to communicate in English; apparently not many people can do that; Akbar, Jodha Bai (Akbar’s wife) and Hamida Banu Begam (Akbar’s Mother). Throughout the wedding Akbar and Jodha Bai were the only 2 people who frequently had dialogues with almost all Natrajans otherwise the wedding felt just like a movie theatre where people watch the same show but don’t talk to each other.

The next ritual was the Kashi Yatra, Kashi yatra is the ceremonial where the groom pretends to leave for Kashi, a pilgrimage center to devote himself to God. He carries a walking stick and other meager essentials with him to imply that he is not interested in becoming a householder. The girl's father intervenes and requests him to accept his daughter as his life partner. He exhorts him to fulfill his responsibilities as a householder and thus follow what is written in the scriptures. The groom relents and returns to the pandal where he is received by the bride.

When I came to know about it; a impish plot began to cultivate in my head and I planned to make Natrajans run for their money but I guess Mr. Natrajan understood me too well and held my hand so tight that it turned into a red hand in few seconds but I just knew the instant where the pundit would ask me to go to the pilgrimage. The moment came; as soon as Pundit asked me to leave I shuddered which got me my hand on the loose from Mr. Natrajan’s clutch. As soon as I become conscious that I am free; I sprinted towards the pilgrimage, I just never looked back, I ran and ran till all the roaring and chaos faded away. I stopped and I looked around; the flora and fauna around me went stand still, everyone was looking at me because they had never seen a south Indian groom like this,

running loose like this before. I looked back; 2 of Deeps cousin were galloping towards me and a much acquainted black car of Natrajans pulled over next to me. I sat in the car next to Mr. Natrajan and asked him “Will you again send me to pilgrimage” and I giggled but I guess he almost had a heart attack and did not appreciate the mockery of the event. We came back and I encountered lots and lots of red and yellow faces but later everyone chuckled on what I gave them; I am sure that they have and will never get to witness something like this in their entire lifespan.

The wedding ceremony was completed, we shared the rings, I tied mangalsutra to the bride and we were finished, I mean we were married . People came and passed on good wishes to us and after some more continuing sacraments we were taken to an inside room for lunch along with all close family members of Kapoors and Natrajans. Since the food was not the same for both the families I predicted no complications but how can wedding survive without a toxic snag. One of the Natrajan was speaking to Deeps in Kannada while we were seated down; eavesdropping to which I was broken-hearted because I knew that my kin will not like it. Apparently the cook has misplaced the chapatis that were particularly brought for Kapoors and now they are left with just 8 chapatis and we were 11 counting me in addition. Seeing the sensitivity of the situation Hitler came up with a dazzling strategy. Hitler requested Kapoors that in their ritual this lunch must comprise only rice because anything made of wheat is just not auspicious for today. All Kapoors gave murky looks but what anyone can say against the rituals in India the plot worked and Natrajans just had a narrow escape from what could have been a gruesome incident. Kapoors somehow accomplished the meal and went for a stroll without any delay; understandably; to have actual lunch minus any rituals

The day was concluded and all the guests were gone, it was mounting darkness and soon a roller-coaster journey which lasted a day was finished. I and Deeps were sitting and chatting on the stairs of the community hall where we just got married for the first time. Hitler came and objected that we weren’t still married and hence we are not supposed to be meeting and nattering like this. I made a request Hitler just 2 minutes to have a conversation with my half wife which she approved with an obnoxious stare.

“Congratulations”, exhausted Deeps could not believe that the wedding was through

“Yes, same to you too, barrier 1 of 2 is over, get ready for part 2”, I winked at her

Hitler called Deeps and this time she had to go, I too got up and went to my room. All Kapoors were enthusiastically stuffing their belongings to catch an early morning flight back to Jaipur. I took a deep breath and began pulling my stuff together, after 20 minutes when I was done I just wanted to doze off to the bed. I recollected the entire day and there was a grin on my face, a smile of triumph. I shut my eyes and I went astray in the world of profound siesta.

Chapter 28 – North vs South

It was a distinct juncture for me because in previous 6 years this was merely the 2^nd time my parents planned a trip to Bangalore. The first time was when they came to unload me. After everything it looked like that finally we will have what me and Deeps craved for. It was agreed that my parents (Kapoors) will go to Deep’s house and will meet the girl. That means they have silently agreed for the wedding but now it all rests on how Kapoors and Natrajans get along in this whole development.

We in a little while grasped that we have the gravest situation among us related to Kapoor’s visit of Natrajans. The frightening question was what to cook for Kapoors when they visit Natrajans ? Mr. Kapoor barely enjoys anything apart from Pakodas and sweets. More than Deeps I was anxious because Natrajans might get snubbed because of this. Moreover, it might never occur to Mr. Kapoor that it is the question of his son’s wedding.

“Should we prepare Chapati and Sabzi ?”, Deeps submitted the safest selection

“The safest route would be something deep-fried”, I said

“But my mom wishes to cook south Indian food because she is good in it, not in north Indian cuisine”, she said

“I understand but what is the use if he won’t even touch it ?”, I responded

“Look, if someone comes to your house, what do you offer ? Will you prepare what they eat specifically of will you cook the best of you ?”

The argument had a weight to it and my mother also agreed to it, both of us assumed that even if he does not like it he will eat it considering the criticality of the situation. So I made a suicidal judgment and permitted “Rava Idli”, which Deep’s mom is skilled in.

The judgment day arrived and Natrajans invited Kapoors for breakfast. We arrived on time. Natrajans welcomed us with open arms and with lots of respect. They were looking forward to have a delightful conversation. We seated down and I started to feel a little jumpy thinking of near future. Now It all depends on what my father thinks because if he decides NO, means it’s a NO. Deeps came and greeted my parents and in a while Natrajans began serving us the breakfast. As soon as Deeps served Idli to Mr. Kapoor I missed a heartbeat after seeing his reaction.

“Idli ? Is this Idli ?”, he asked Deeps twice

“Yes it is”, Deeps Replied

“I don’t eat Idli”, he replied plainly and gave Deeps back the plate without any additional thought

As anticipated he wasn’t thoughtful enough about the circumstances at all and this move made Deeps terrified. But straightaway her mom came for the rescue.

“Do you eat Masala Dosa ?”, Deep’s mother asked my father

“Yes I can have that thanks”, my father answered

When he said I was once again calmed but not for long because it struck to me that he will not even eat that. In north India Dosa is served with Sambhar and in south Indian Dosa is served just only with Chutney and icing on the cake is that Mr. Kapoor HATES chutney. Hence even if he will be served with Dosa, he will not eat it. And yet again he substantiated me accurately, when Deep’s mother served him the dosa, he looked at my mother and asked,

“How should I eat it, there is no Sambhar with it ?”

“Deeps do you have any Sambhar prepared ?”, I tried to salvage the situation

Deeps almost sobbed which made it clear that they don’t have any Sambhar. Seeing this Mr. Kapoor said its ok he will manage.

He will manage !!!! how ? Oh yes by not eating it J

And I was full on money because at the end when he left the plate the entire dosa was dissected but wasn’t eaten.

After breakfast it was time for Kapoors to talk to Deeps and after few rudimentary questions my mother asked Deeps a droll question,

“We live in Jaipur and it will be hot out there, how will you manage ?”

“We will put AC in each room”, she replied outspokenly, thank god she did not say that we will move you all to Bangalore.

They had a pleasant conversation, mostly between Deeps and my mother after which we left Natrajan palace in harmony. Since my dad did not eat anything we went to a north Indian restaurant. While eating he simply condemned the relation because the girl wasn’t gorgeous.

“I don’t know what you saw in her ? She is not that attractive”, he said

“I know but I am also no Shahrukh khan if you see carefully”,

I was just annoyed by the fact that he is still looking for tasteless justifications to pull me out of this.

That night he came to me and wished to talk further on this with Natrajans. I guess after thinking about the whole thing he was ok because I anyways indicated that if not now then later but Deeps is the one whom I will eventually marry. I gave this news to Deeps and we finalized a day for them to meet and talk further.

The day arrived and Natrajans came at around evening time with some customary gifts which must be given the first time girl’s parents visit the Guy’s house. My father asked both of us to disappear so that only they can talk money. Both of us went to the terrace and started speculating about the talks. Deeps unexpectedly started crying.

“What happened ?” I asked

She said “What if they don’t come to any consensus and say no to the wedding”

I reassured her and said whatever it is, if they won’t agree then we will try further but we will walk down the aisle only if they agree to this relation. She was ok after the reassurance and we continued talking about general things. After around 30 minutes my father called me up and asked us to come down. When we entered in the room the atmosphere appeared heated up because Deep’s mother was sitting with a depressed expression and her father looked agitated.

“We have not discussed anything yet because we could not go ahead of the very first topic”, my father said

“What is that ?”, I asked

“Where the wedding will take place ?”, he said without any expression

“We want it to be done in Jaipur because it’s first one in the house and they want to do it from Bangalore because it’s the only one in their house”, he shed light on the tricky situation

“Yes we knew that this point will come and I have a solution to it”, I said

“Whats that ?”, Mr. Natrajan asked curiously

“We will perform the whole wedding ceremony 2 times; both in Jaipur and Bangalore”, I offered the way out gently

“What are you talking about, it does not work like that”, my father was infuriated after listening to this

“Look you have been debating on this from last 1 hr and you do not have any other option then to get us married twice. Everyone will get what they want”, it was an honest bailout plan

“Ok then let us think on this and let’s talk after that”, Mr. Kapoor said

“Ok, then we would like to leave now”, Mr. Natrajan stood up to leave

I am not sure what else was spoken other than wedding location because Natrajans left the house in complete annoyance which wasn’t a noble sign. Later in the day Deeps and I spoke to each other and came to the inference that it will not work like this. We have to coordinate everything from now on. Natrajans must express only to Deeps and Deeps must convey the message to me and I should tell the news to the Kapoors. We decided to do this because both the families don’t understand each other’s language, both families appears to have some self-esteem issues and no one in both families is a decent negotiator. From that day onwards we started working according to the plan. I was talking to my parents and she was with her and we discussed each and every demand from either families and discussed them with the opposition. It looked like that things finally beginning to fall in place. Both the families were glad with the developments because all of them eventually were getting what they hunted for.

We were getting married two times, Natrajans asked my parents to pick the first spot of wedding; Bangalore or Jaipur, to which Mr. Kapoor bewilderingly agreed for Bangalore. Understandably because after wedding both of us must stay in Jaipur for some time and meet all the relatives.

Deeps called me and said that her parents want to discuss the wedding dates with Kapoors. I informed my parents that Natrajans will be calling you to settle the marriage dates. After few minutes Deeps called me,

“Congrats”

“What happened?”, I was scared because there was supposed to be a discussion between Natrajans and Kapoors

“We are getting married on 24^th Feb and then all over again on 1^st Match”

“Congrats to you too”, I took a lungful of air, I was never more relieved.

Chapter 27: The Unexpected

 

The feedback established by Deeps was not so good and not so bad. Natrajans had already decided that they will get her married to me but a grave question still lingering around in their mind was, how honest the guy and his background is ?

“I guess they will call me a couple of times and will question me to know me better”, I told Deeps

“May be, I don’t know”, she said sheepishly
I was pretty peaceful after talking to her parents and was convinced that things will go smooth from here on.

Shortly it was time for me to go to Jaipur and on this occasion it was Live free or Die hard. Since I had already spoken to her parents; it was time now to give my parents a shocker, my mom by now had an impression about it but dad wasn’t aware of it.

“I wanna talk to you”, I told my dad, I was nervous

“What ?”, he asked

“There is a girl called Deeps, she was with me in college, I want you to meet her”

“What is the necessity of all this ?”, he responded infuriated

“Why did you have to go that far to make a relation?”, he almost yelled at me

I kept quiet and paid attention to what he is saying for next 10 minutes. It was obvious that he had to display his rage because he is father and had to rubbish this conversation initially but none of his questions and reasons indicated that he is not rejecting it either J. Well, I did not try to argue further on this and allowed this thought to sink in him.

A week after I was back to Bangalore Deeps called me at 2 pm on a Sunday afternoon, which is a very odd because usually her parents are there in the house the entire day.

“Hi”, I said startlingly because I don’t anticipate calls from her on Sundays

“How are you able to call today ?”, I asked her

“My parents are not in town, they have gone to Chennai”, she said

We spoke for some time and just about the same time I was getting another call, it was my mom.

“I am gonna have to call you back, my mom is calling”, I told her

I hung up and I rang my mom,

“Hello”, My mother answered the call

“Hi Mom, tell me, you called ??”, I asked

“I have news for you”, she said it very melodramatically

“Yes, what is it ?”, anticipating no big deal from her.

“We had visitors today in our house”, her tone changed from histrionic to cryptic

“Ok, Sooooooo ?”, I also adjusted to her tone and asked carelessly

“Where are Deepti’s Parents ?”, she asked

“They have gone to Chennai …………. ohhhh shitttt”

It instantly transpired to me the well-conceived plot by Natrajans. Everything became translucent, the address she took from me, the excuse to go to Chennai. Everything started falling into place.

My mom recounted the complete incident,

My mother was sitting in the living room when she heard the door bell. She opened the door and found a couple of strangers. They introduced themselves as Deep’s parents. They did not want to warn me or my parents because by unexpected visit they just found out the real us or else we could have fabricated our appearance if we had known that they are coming. Deep’s mom did not talk, she just examined the house. She was terrified and concerned. All the talking was done by her father. My mother then called my father to come home and when he arrived, they surprisingly had a pleasant and smooth conversation. Deeps parents gave an account of the witty incident occurred with them at the railway station. From Railway station they called up my house and they asked for Anky. Startlingly Anky came on the line, it astonished them also because Anky was supposed to be in Bangalore. They told Anky that they are in Jaipur and wanted to know if my parents are at home or not. Anky on the other side asked Natrajans who are they and who is Deeps ?? I don’t know any Deeps. Listening to this Natrajans almost had an heart attack, after all this if Anky is saying that he does not know Deeps then what will happen ? After few seconds of argument they were positive that Anky has made fool out of them and their daughter. But they just wanted to confirm this and teach Anky a lesson; hence they carried on with the plan to go to his house. Later they discovered that it was a wrong number and the most bizarre coincidental thing was that even on that wrong number they found an Anky. How many Ankys are there in Jaipur ??

I was almost paralyzed after learning all this from my mother and now it was Deep’s turn to get some shockwave therapy. I am sure that she was more than stunned because when I told her this she could not speak and she was scared till death,

“What will happen now ?”, she asked while sobbing

“Nothing, they will be convinced and comfortable about me”, I relieved her

The following day Natrajans came back from Jaipur but did not talk to Deeps. They knew that she knows about their trip but they themselves did not want to conclude anything and did not want to give any thoughts to Deeps, hence they called me one more time.

“We went to your house”, Hitler said without any expressions

“Yes I spoke to my mother, she told me”

She then told all her experience in my house and they narrated the “Wrong number” episode. Hitler told how she liked the place, food and shopping. And finally they came to the earth-shattering question,

“So when can you get married to her ?”

I was taken aback by the unexpected question, but I dealt with it.

“As soon as I will complete 2 years in my current profession because I am not able to take care of myself; How will I look after your daughter ?”, I defended

“No no no that’s not possible, you both will have to get married within 3 months”, Hitler just did not want to listen anything

“If we will do it late then people will ask questions”, she said

“Ok tell people that we have got her engaged, they will stop asking questions”, I offered an honest resolution

“No no no, just talk to your dad and wrap it up”, she was ready to get me married in next 1 hour

I guess she still suspected my character and she was frightened that I will flee !! Why everyone judges me by my face !!! I look like thief but inside I am just a crook !! he he he

“What about further studies after marriage ?”, She asked

“Then who will feed your daughter ?”, the comeback which shunned any further likely debate

It was a reasonable progress but I wasn’t still certain of next step. I spoke to my mom and she persuaded my dad to come to Bangalore to talk and finalize things, to which surprisingly he agreed. They decided to come to Bangalore in next 4 months, both of us were very glad because the dream seen by us 15-16 chapters before was in fact would be turning into reality very soon and without any major obstacles or did we just presumed that little too soon ?

Chapter 11: We lost Cricket World cup finals, Damn it.

Third Semester started with a breaking news that Patti who was a day scholar till now have decided to move into the hostel . This was great news because now the back bench group could always be together in the hostel. Patti entered in the hostel with bursting enthusiasm. Patti was greeted in the hostel with ostentatious celebration.

Ummm not this majestic but we had an arrangement for him . All of us in the hostel had gone through extensive amount of agonizing ragging, thanks to the dementors like Chu Chu, Acharya and Dhar. They made us STRONG. Yes strong, we strongly hated them and we could not digest that someone tries to skip that and get into the hostel when all is ended. Anyways when he entered inside the hostel all dementors called him and took his introduction and assigned him a job to memorize the names of all the dementors. He was given me, Arnold and Mahajan to assist him with the names. He was unquestionably in excellent hands . We gave him all the accurate names apart from one. We told him that the name of one important dementor is Chaman (Means stupid). He wasn’t very sure because he sensed something was fishy but because he was new, he had to abide by what we say, so he committed the name to his memory.

Have you ever come across the situation when you took a tough method to face the trouble and your co-worker took a shortcut to face the same problem without any pain? And later He/She laughs on your face proving that you were a looser, look at me I accomplished the same with no dilemma. I am talking about the pleasure when their shortcut bites them in their ass . It was pleasurable to see Dementors molesting Patti just because of Chaman.

Cricket fever was going on because cricket world cup was happening and the exhilaration was there because India made it to the finals. The opponent was 2 time world cup victors Australia. But we were self-assured that India will come out clean and will overpower Australia to lift the cup . The match could only be watched at the hostel recreation room where a television set was kept. This television set showed only solitary channel, Doordarshan. It was ok until and unless match is on it. The recreation room was jam packed and those who did not get seats were standing and watching the game.

         Match began with a balanced Australia Batting. Srinath came to bowl 7th over and got hit for 16 runs, straight away people started relating themselves with his mother and sisters but this was just a start. India went on yielding easy runs and Australia kept on scoring until in 13th over Harbhajan claimed Gilchrist’s wicket. As Doordarshan showed Gilchrist walking back to pavilion, people in the hostel recreation room in fact started spitting on the television and showed Gilchrist their middle finger. Anyways then came the captain Ponting and rest became history, later in that complete Australian innings we heard things like,

Rest of the hostel to Bhutani (He is from Delhi), “Saale Nehra ko ghar pe baitha ke pakode banwa usse, bowling uske bas ki baat nahi hai” (Ask Nehra to cook pakodas n the house, he can’t bowl for nuts)

Rest of the hostel to Arnold and other kannadigas on each occasion when Srinath was hit for a boundary and he was hit A LOT, “Abay Srinath to spinner hai fir ye fast bowling karane ki koshish kyo kar raha hai, samjha na usko kannada me” (Why Srinath is trying to bowl fast, isn’t he a spinner ?? Go make him understand this in kannada)

Rest of the hostel to Shah (He is from Gujrat), “Ye Zaheer khan ko paisa de ke national team me bharti karwaye ho kya ??” (Have you guys bribed Indian cricket selection board to take Zaheer Khan ?)

Complete hostel to Ponting on his each boundary, I truly can’t write what all Ponting had to hear that day but think of this that on his each boundary he was gaining plenty of relatives from our hostel, particularly son-in-laws and fathers because weirdly that day each person was after his daughter and his mother !!!

But that was not it, people were still upbeat that even after posing a mammoth total Indian batsmen can still retaliate. Indian innings instigated with the plunge of Sachin Tendulkar in very first over. Abruptly there was a rampage in the recreation room, half the crowd instead of cursing Tendulkar and Mcgrath, cursed Tendulkar and Mcgrath’s mothers for no reason and left the scene. After a short time it looked like India is fighting back. People who were still expectant were motionless and people who left after Sachin’s wicket came back when they heard that India is recovering. But sooner it was evident that this is no contest, it’s just a one sided match .

As soon as last Indian wicket was chopped down each hostelite went wild , they broke all the stools and they tore out all the posters in the activity room. Some even tried assaulting the television but warden came for its rescue and little did he know that if not TV then it will be him, in fury crowd gave him respectable thrashings. All came to know about that when warden was frantically looking for the wrongdoers with a left black-and-blue eye and a puffed-up right cheek .

Well he did not get anyone because he could not recognize anyone that day but he kept looking for the grounds and circumstances to confront any of the hostelite. Atlast he got that opportunity, me, Arnold, Mahajan and Ghosh regularly fantasise about the wonderful coconuts on the coconut estate next to our college and one bright evening we decided to catch flavour of some. We made 2 teams of 2, me and Ghosh, Arnold and Mahajan. We entered into the estate and went in 2 separate directions and contracted to notify each other if someone comes by. The goal was to gather as many coconuts as possible and get out of there in no time, then relish them back inside the hostel the entire late afternoon. We arrived at our first stop where these 6 incredible green coconuts were inviting us like Smriti Virani used to invite inside her house in Kyonki saas bhi kabhi bahu thi start off credits. 1 and 2 and 3, we picked 3 stunning coconuts. All of a sudden I heard a grave noise “THUD” and next moment I could sense a blinding pain on my left butt. The caretaker of the estate was standing right behind me and he caught us red handed, he spanked me with a long stick. Ghosh blocked him before he could give me any more blows. I was thinking what the hell, why didn’t they alert us!!! The caretaker was busy in shouting on us but me and Ghosh eye witnessed something extraordinary, I have seen Usain Bolt running and I have also seen Vampires run with a speed of light in English movies but I undoubtedly remember that, that day Arnold and Mahajan did not even come for our rescue but they ran, they ran for their existence . Even if there was a vampire there that day, that also could not have beaten them. Both of them were like “Jesse Mach” (The rider of Street Hawk), the only difference was that they needed no street hawk.

Chapter 10: Fugitive Aunty

I never told her that I am in love with her. Just my heart knew it. There still were way many considerations which I required to consider of if I wanted the love marriage, to be very accurate, Inter-caste love marriage. Sounds intimidating ?? Hearing so many things like honor killing these days? YES it was scary . I wanted to ensure if she is the right girl who could fit into my world and in my people. Will she be blissful with me and will keep me and my parents happy ??? So I decided to give me some additional time before I could launch my verdict onto her. For next few days I was in the process of evaluating her, I was posing various categories of direct and oblique questions which could give me a straight judgment. Questions like, “What do you think of Inter-caste marriages”, “Do you like north-Indian food” blah blah blah. I went on and on and on and on and first round result was out, after processing all the reactions and answers from her I was standing in front of a BIG NO . But I was/am not a quitter , if I wish for something I make sure I get it. But I had to lay my further love valuation lower in the priority for few days because,

Reason No. 1 – No one was after her and she did not have any boyfriend, everybody was still attracted to Apsara, which means I was in safe hands .

Reason No. 2 – 2nd semester assessments were impending and I had to keep up my 1 semester’s performance.

It was study time in the entire hostel. People used to come out just at the mealtime or to take a break to go to the Somnhalli Gate to indulge in god’s devotion in Ranjani Bar because after 2 pegs everybody makes directly to a single destination described as “heaven”. I think it was 15 days ahead of the exams and lecturers were trying hard to complete the lessons so that students get supplementary time for revision. On one rainy Wednesday evening we returned from college and noticed something extremely awful within the hostel. There was a sense of chaos and we heard people shouting . Hostel was in totally baffling state. We could not comprehend what was the dilemma so we went into our rooms to find some rest. We studied for few hours till it was suppertime. Routinely we took our plates and went en route for the hostel-mess. When we arrived, the panorama of the canteen was not amusing, the canteen was uninhabited and there was nothing except for tables and stool. Everything had vanished, no vessels, no food and no aunty!!

We instantaneously got in touch with hostel representative and he made us aware that Aunty, the food in charge, from last week was making plans to take a trip to her hometown and for the same reason she was borrowing cash from nearly every student who could lend her some money. She said that she has to buy gifts for her family and that’s why she needs plenty of money. Since she was a trusted known face people did lend her a generous amount of currency ranging from 500/- to 10,000 rupees. And Aunty, who worked out a brilliant plan, gathered everything and fled!!! Yes she collected every valuable and went absconding. The evening chaos was from people who lost their money. They started getting their hands on whatever they could locate left in Aunt’s room. So the message for us was unambiguous that there will be no food for a blurred period of time. It was very well for us because it gave us a certified explanation to request for extra money from the house and the best part; we can go out and eat at the close by dhaba every single day .

After 2 days it was all settled down but few people started strolling in the hallways like zombies . They could not sleep because of their loss. They were hassled because they were not able to give attention to studies for the approaching theory tests. They were still hopeful that Aunty might turn up in front of them, dressed up like goddess Lakshmi (in front of a halogen lamp which will illuminate her appearance) and hand out their money back but that doesn’t happen anymore!! Does it?

But the days of calamity had just begun. Within next 2 day since aunty fled, the adjacent or you can say hostel’s power source transformer was busted. A truck crashed into it, the estimate time to bring it to the working state was 7-8 days which in simple English implies, we were COMPLETELY fucked up for next 7-8 days, No Food, No Power and if their is no power how can water be pumped, so no water either, not even drinking water. So you could visualize the 2 different people in 2 tremendously different situations at the same time,

    

Those 7 days were the most dreadful days in the hostel. People made provisions for unusual things, some tried taking bath at the nearby polytechnic college and some did not bother (meaning they did not take bath for 7 days) . The entire hostel started sleeping on the terrace under open sky. Charlie, one of our inmates, used to light up mosquito coil on the terrace to get rid of mosquitoes, funny guy isn’t he !!

Those days soon got over and everyone was looking ahead for the exams. We had lab external examinations which went pretty well. In those laboratory examinations we discovered the person with incredible cleverness , it was Thapa. There was an experiment in the physics lab in which you need to uncover the frequency of the tuning fork by changing the water level in the water container till you come across the perfect resonance when tuning fork is smacked on the table and held over the water level.

You will be given any of the shown tuning forks and by adjusting the level of water bit by bit and looking for the correct sound which will present the frequency of the given fork. Thapa was dazzling in dark novelties , criminal mind to be very specific. Rather than taking all the pain of fine-tuning the water and listening to the sound on every occasion, he memorized frequency of each fork against its length !!! And Bingo !!! In the external lab when he was given a fork and guess what he did the first thing ?? He just measured its length and as soon as he had its length he knew its frequency and he knew what water level will give him the accurate sound . Thapa passed that lab with flying colors . Thapa was that kind of human who had loads of intelligence but it was completely used for wickedness. In one more occurrence he disagreed with his lecturer in external lab of C++. His lecturer said that the program he has written is acceptable but he said not its not because output is not in sync with the input he has given, Its not the same output (what he memorized) for the input (he memorized) and hence program is not right !!

Exams went sound and 2nd semester finished with an elevated morale. I had 2 complete days in the train to dwell on my subsequent move in the next semester to carry on with my one sided love story. It was unmistakable that it is virtually impossible but I had to make it happen anyhow .